This morning I had some sort of lunatic idea that we’d go do our Target run BEFORE school.
I know.
SHENANIGANS!
TOMFOOLERY!
I don’t know what I was thinking.
I actually could have made it, but it would have been rushed, and I kind of like to take my time at Target. I like it sort of slow and thorough, like a good lover. So I’m actually writing a blog post instead of sitting here eating cookies until it’s time to leave. I ate two before I realized I needed to find something else to do.
Homeslice is actually occupied right now.
Cheerios have changed my life, you guys. For realz.
I’m going to go make Sexy Time with Target after I drop Girlfriend off at school.
Maybe that’s why we don’t have that Volvo. I do Sexy Time with Target too much. Maybe I’ll have to start my campaign soon. Mister will be getting The Hummers so I can get The Volvo. My question is how many Hummers do you guys think it takes to equal a Volvo?
I don’t want to get screwed in this deal.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
See what I did there? Screwed? Sexy Time? Hummers?
That’s why I’m the Queen.
Anyhoodle, I checked my facebook this morning and some nice person (you know who you are) has informed me that DOOSH IS GETTING HER OWN HGTV SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I so, so, so need to have The Crissy Show.
Please leave your comments containing outrage and incredulousness below. Try to include the words “Dooce sucks” if you can. It’s awesome for my stats. Doocebags apparently have nothing better to do than sit around googling “Dooce sucks” and then insulting the blogger who dared utter it.
I like to play this game every once in a while and then see my statistics spike up for a couple of days.
Aaaaannnnndddd we’re done here. Cheerios, while wonderful, sadly don’t contain a sedative. (mental note to self: write to the Cheerios people and suggest frosting Cheerios with Valium. This is brilliant. This will get me on Oprah for sure, proving that Doosh isn’t so special after all. I’m specialer. Like, way.)
There is a Target on the way to Nicole’s school from Joey’s school. I had a half hour between when I dropped Joey off until I could drop Nicole off. Needless to say Target was our daily ritual, I even opened my own Target charge. Somehow David’s schedule changed and he could take Joey to school.
BTW Dooce sucks! Though I have never even seen her blog, You are by far superior
well, the first question that must be answered is how much is a BJ worth?
i actually feel that a BJ is not a prix fixe sort of menu item. some BJs are more meritorious than others!
probably the #1 factor that comes to mind is gusto and enthusiasm. you really cannot have too much of either. concentration and dedication are peripherally related in that category too.
other aspects like location, the element of surprise, and conduct during the dénouement must be considered.
as you can see it is myopic to lump all fellatio into the same category of “worthiness,” since the gestalt is so much more multifaceted.
if you want, i can provide instruction as to what separates a $20 job from a $100 job. a little more care in execution can net you a 5-fold increase in productivity!
Crissy’s Pimp’s last blog post… monday feb 8th
Ken, please write more–let’s have a how-to guide…put your money where our mouths are!
What? I am not interested in seeing her mug on television. Plus, we get all kinds of pictures of your ass around here. Does Dooce ever show her ass? No. She doesn’t. Or her placenta. I mean, come ON.
k8’s last blog post… "It’s All Dancing Girls. And Parties." *
I wish I could distract Jason with cheerios…
Ben’s last blog post… Let Uncle Ben get you laid
SO, we have a local blogger here in Atlanta who’s blog is driveafastercar.com (in case you’re interested) and she is our local version of Dooce. But, Dooce is way worse. And, did you know that I got fired from my last job for Twittering and then people are all like, you got Dooced and I’m all like…stop!! She’s not even funny anymore!! Goodness!! Yeah, but our local person just got chosen as Social Media expert of Atlanta by GM and it’s really horrible. Especially because her personality is the opposite of social. Or expert.
Windsor’s last blog post… Because it’s Monday and I don’t really have anything to say and am really busy, but still love you
You have got to be fucking kidding me. Dooce sucks is getting a fucking HGTV show? About what? What could she possibly contribute that would have any meaning whatsoever. That’s it, I’m done. I’m calling them right fucking now and asking what the fuck is the show going to be about? And please while your at it HGTV put Kate Gosselin on with her.
On to BJ’s. I have decided today that I am starting my own fucking blog about how to give a good BJ. I’ve gotten more shit from my honey then I have even asked for. Oh the powers of a good BJ. Then I’ll get my own tv show on the stupid HGTV network explaining that to America.
I shouldn’t be saying that Dooce sucks, since I’ve never even seen her blog, but I must do that which my Queen demands.
Ick. I hate her. I would definitely watch your show though. I wouldn’t even DVR it, I’d actually stay awake to watch!
Cheerios are good, but have you tried Oyster crackers with her? They take longer to gum up.
Tess’s last blog post… Selective Stupidity
Target is a magical place. I feel so lucky that all of the targets in Portland are just far enough away that I can’t pop by. Because then I’d have so much adorable bathroom gear and delicious Method cleaning products but no food in my house.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Cranford, or Portland?
I spent $100 at Target. Some of that, Melissa Lion, was on Method soap. Dish soap in Pink Grapefruit, Foamy hand soap in Water Flower, and a Sea Minerals re-fill pack. I heart Method stuff.
Crissy’s last blog post… Today we’re writing letters to some people about various things.
DOOCE IS GETTING A TV SHOW?! Dooce sucks
Natballs’s last blog post… Final
Now that Homeslice keeps herself occupied have you thought of balancing things on her head and taking pictures? That might get you a TV show?
Dooce sucks. By the way–as a former day care teacher, I can say that Cheetos will keep Homeslice happy for a long time. Go with the White Cheddar kind for easier clean-up.
What the Dooce? Sucks that she’s gonna get a TV show but makes me happy that my happy azz doesn’t have a TV. I wonder if she can get Maytag as a sponsor for her show.. (Oh, I kill me)
If there was a Crissy show, though, I’d totally have to GET a TV. AND the cable. And maybe a Tivo so I could watch Crissy over and over. But maybe it’d be best to put it on an “adult” channel so it could be followed by the “Mister’s Million $$ Hummer” infomercial. They have infomercials on the adult channels, right?
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post
DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS
Hope that helps
You deserve your own show. You’re more interesting! And HOT. I’d totally watch it.
Method is yummy but our target now carries Mrs Meyers Clean Day and I can’t get enough of the Basil scent.
I saw a quick clip of Doosh on the Bonnie Hunt show and if she is going to be as grating on her own show, I can’t imagine that it will be around very long anyway. Dooce definitely sucks.
I cannot imagine what HGTV is thinking the show will be about but if it is going to showcase her “supposed” style – meh – there are only so many bird and hippos tchotchkes to be found.
DOOCE SUCKS that is all.
I cannot believe this woman is getting her own show. She is being rewarded over and over for her poor behavior. SHE GOT FIRED because of her blog. She now makes millions of monies because of it. Come on people. There are way better people who deserve the attention, monies, and tv shows.
I would totally watch your show though Crissy. You at least would be entertaining.
And Pimp, your comment reminds me of when I was a public defender. I had a variety of clients who charged from $5 to a couple of hundy for a BJ or the full package (oral and natural as the cops liked to call it). The main difference appeared to be how hooked on crack the chick was – the more hooked, the cheaper she was (and the nastier looking I might add). Anyone who charged over about $50 appeared to be in the call girl category – they had most of their teeth and didn’t look too nasty. As Crissy is beautiful and likely NOT a crack ho, hers must be worth at least in the hundies, if not thousands. I mean, have you seen her body AFTER two babies?? Sheesh…
I’m in complete agreement that “Dooce Sucks” because I’ve never been to her page or read her blog or even really heard of her so yeah dooce sucks. DooceSucks must be her website, right?
And you Crissy……..if your show came on cable, I would insist to my husband that we FINALLY get cable. Nothing on cable is worth watching……which adds to the fact that Dooce Sucks cause she’s gonna be on cable.
Rebecca’s last blog post… Saturday School
Dooce sucks it BIG!!
And I can seen why you fell in love with Pimp’s….brain!! He cracks me up when he gets goin!!
Go Pimp go!! As Mom used to say “Baffle them with bullshit, because they can only say no, right?”
Who wants to watch a stupid Doosh show? Inevitably, the underlying message will be about how much cooler she is than everybody else. The Crissy Show, on the other hand, would be pure hilarity.
MegKathleen’s last blog post… Lack of Motivation
Dooce sucks. Balls. I just wanted to add the balls there to see if it helps at all. And I like to say balls.
Kim’s last blog post… LULZ 69th POST GUYZ
I haven’t spent much time w/Dooce, as her blog seems like a waste of time, so I can’t really attest to her suckiness, but I will take the Queen’s word for it! OMG, Dooce sucks!!! Again. DOOCE SUCKS! More enthusiasm. DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS DOOCE SUCKS!!! There. Thank you for listening.
Helen’s last undefined post… Response cached until Wed 10 @ 20:54 GMT (Refreshes in 23.99 Hours)
Dooce Sucks has gone and done it now. She claims she has the “cutest baby in the world”. Well Dooce Sucks has never seen Homeslice cause she is the cutest baby in the world. Mister send Dooce Sucks some photos of your Mini-Me. Put her back in line. Ah hell Crissy could take her with one hand tied behind her back. Seriously Mister I think you should start taking pictures of Alice with crap on her head because even Alice is better looking than Dooce Sucks dog Chuck. Try saying that several times in a row really fast.
TV is so 2000s. You should do a web series.
Heather’s last blog post… Rule #11: If You’re Gonna Be A Bitch, Be A Mega Bitch
I would love to watch you shop at Target on your very own TV show. Dooce sucks.
you queefs are pretty loyal and deserving subjects.
a couple of these comments actually had me lolling.
ps. fuck tv, webcasts are where it’s at!
That’s it! Crissy can do a webcast! I’d tune in to that! And hope that I could afford ad space! (Crissy would totally do a commercial in the tub if I wanted to sell my bath stuff, right?)
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post
Dooce Sucks, seriously i cant even stand to read her crap. why do they think anyone wants to see her on tv??
Witty’s last blog post… Good Vibes
Dooce sucks! For reals! I heard of her once, read 2 posts…barf.
But Crissy IS the Queen. Happened here last month from Toy With Me – and I’m HOOKED. Reading archived posts every night instead of watching HGTV crap. And my Hubs likes the Queen and her Pimp, too. He wants to start talking about me earning some new wheels.
Have I been gone so long? Crissy ur page looks RAD and uh… I need to be informed on WTF Dooce IS because she already sounds pretty annoying… I’ll spend my next few weeks getting all caught up and re-acclimated and what not. Love ya!
I think that the Crissy’s should go viral. Because I think you guys are WAY MORE entertaining than the Doosh’s. And if no one is comming to you guys for a teevee show, make one yourselves and i think most people will probably watch.
I’ve never seen anyone disect maternity jeans the way you guys did.
CuppyCakes’s last blog post… Opening Up The Crazy.
Dooce sucks interesting method…thanks…
Does this mean that we’ll be able to listen and see Dooce suck on her teeth for a 1/2 hour? Or is it an hour show? Because that’s all she did on Good Morning America or Today Show or Here’s the Show for People Who Are Insanely Popular For No Discernible Reason or whatever morning show that was.
Dingo’s last blog post… Call Me Dingo Fierce
omgahh target is sexy time. that’s epic! and dooce sucks douche. which is very vinegary btw.
though I’m sure you’ve seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MkQBda5yqc may want to check it.
Well, my first time here and I didn’t even google DooceSucks. Just sheer luck!
tracey’s last blog post… I cleaned my office…
Dooce sucks nards.