So here it is. Mister worked really hard on this new theme, and we struggled with the colors. We’re (I’m) not totally sure we (I) love them like this, so that might change at some point. But he didn’t pimp slap me when I kept saying the colors weren’t right, so tell him his balls are pretty and touch him on his bum a little. He likes those things (even if you have to lie about the balls part because let’s face it. Balls aren’t cute).
Today Homeslice and I will have adventures on the East Side of Providence over at Monica’s, and then at Whole Foods. All the fancy stuff is on the East Side of Providence, you know. And then tonight, we all go across the street for our weekly Pot of Crap dinner with the Richard and Micheles. I’m making pizza, it’s very exciting.
Try to control yourself.
I’m just concerned about the drive over to the East Side because I’m like 85% sure we’re going to die in a car crash. Just this past week, I’ve been run into the ditch THREE times by 2 asshats who were texting and came over the yellow line and nearly hit us head-on, and one stupidcuntbitchasshat who decided to drift into my lane without even looking when I was right next to her. Yes. I was trying to pass her because she was doing 45 in the fast lane on the highway with her head resting on her driver’s side window. What the fuck, woman? She could have killed Girlfriend and me! Homeslice was on the other side. She probably would have been okay. But when I beeped the horn at her, she didn’t even notice. She didn’t even take her head off her window.
So, I’ve decided that my next car will be one of these:
Sexy, right? That’s actually the sexiest picture I could find. It’s not the BMW,but you know what? At least we won’t all die in this car because some fucktard was texting his girlfriend. And you see where the fog lights are mounted right there on the front? I’m going to take those out and have Mister Macgyver some kind of flame thrower arrangement so that when somebody tries to kill us, I can burn them. He’s totally brilliant at ghetto rigs. He can do it. Once he figures it out, he can do your car too. It’s up to us to teach them, you know.
SOLIDARITY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
btw, this is my official announcement to Mister that he’s buying me a Volvo. He doesn’t know yet. He’s going to be Very Excited.
Like, $45,000 exciteds.
PS: We don’t actually have $45,000 for a new car. I’m just feeling like a rich lady because I made $130 selling my stuff on eBay last week, so clearly we can afford a new car.
PSS: I’m not good at math.
PSSS: That’s why I think I might have to bust out my feminine wiles for this one. It’s going to take some convincing.
PSSSS: By feminine wiles I mean promises of blow jobs and steak every Friday night.
PSSSSS: I’d watch the comments section if I were you. Just sayin.’
PSSSSSS: If you don’t help support my cause, I will totally ban you from this blog.