On some days, I write some words, and on some days, I don’t. Today, I did. Did I use too many commas because I feel like maybe that was too many?

I’ve been using Facebook as my microblog or whatever the Twats over a Twitter call it.  I fucking hate Twitter.  I really do.  I can’t possibly communicate the depth and sincerity of my most inane thoughts in 140 characters or less.  I’ve tried, but it always comes out sounding totally perverse or weird or, I don’t know.  Retarded?

So, I don’t do much Twatting.

I do Facebook from work though. If you’ve added me as a “friend” and I haven’t confirmed you, it’s because you didn’t have the twenty seconds it would take to introduce yourself.  I find that rude, quite frankly, and so we can’t be “friends.”  I’d like to know who my “friends” are before I let them into my personal Facebook. And if I did let you in, and you didn’t leave me a message, it’s because you caught me in a really “friendly” mood or I liked your name, or I thought you looked like not a murderer. So, I let you be my “friend” because sometimes I like to be totally random like that.

Maybe I should start a Crissy fan club on there, probably. I’m scared nobody will join it though. Like, what happens if I start one and only my mom and like two of my bffs join it? That would be sad. Isn’t it also kind of obnoxious to start your own fan club? I think so. Also, I don’t know how. If anyone wants to do one for me, you know. It wouldn’t suck.

(Ms. Darkstar just started one because she’s very special.  Join it so I don’t feel like a giant durfwad with no friends, please)

Also, I’m going to take my Facebook thing off the header. I’ve been meaning to do that ever since Mister put it there like, years ago. It’s misleading, I guess. It makes me look like a Facebook slut, which I’m not.

Anyhoodle, you know what makes me cry like a little girl? I feel like I should tell you because you haven’t heard enough about my depression yet.

Almost any Disney movie makes me cry so hard I actually feel like shit for the rest of the day.

I know, right?

Why do they always have to make that shit so sad?

Like, the other day Girlfriend wanted to watch Dumbo. (I secretly hate my mother-in-law for buying that trash and bringing it into my house, but she meant well so I can’t hate her.  She’s a frustrating woman.) I tried to talk her out of watching it because Dumbo just devastates me, but she insisted on it. I had some work to do on the laptop, so I let her put it on so she’d shut the hell up have something fun to do. I sat Homeslice down on a blanket with a bucket of toys to rummage through, and it gets to the part where they sing the “baby mine” song or whatever it’s called while Dumbo’s mommy is straining to cuddle her frightened and lonely baby through the bars of her cage, and god dammit. I can’t even blog about it without crying.

Seriously. I’m crying again.

There is something very wrong with me.

Ahem…we get to that part in the movie and I just start bawling. I picked Homeslice up off the floor and held her and cried and SOBBED.

It was really poor.

And Girlfriend looks at me and she’s like “mom! It’s DUMBO! It ends happily and everybody loves him! Jeeze! Get over it!”

And in second grade all the kids called me a “baby” because one time I peed my pants while listening to the Bambi record. It was when Bambi’s mommy was shot and I cried and then I peed my pants.

And in seventh grade, it was reading The Red Pony. My mother called the school and bitched out my English teacher.

Yes, she did.

You know what else makes me cry? When a romance goes terribly wrong and two people who are supposed to be together, can’t be together. Like what happened between me and Vinny from the delicatessen.

That sad story will be up on Toy With Me today. We broke up, you know. I haven’t told you about it yet. I’ll link you to the story as soon as I get one. It’s the Canadians and their time zones. I’m going to email them about changing that.  Does anybody have Canada’s email address?  Specifically, I need the email address of the guy in charge of what time it is.

Here it is: Vinny and the Roast Beef Curtains

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  1. At least Disney movies and The Red Pony make sense. Can you explain to my why I bawl my eyes whenever I catch an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition?

  2. I effing HATE Disney movies!! They’re evil!! My daughter wanted to watch The Fox and the Hound the other night and I begged (begged!) her not to. That is one of the worst movies of all. No, on second thought, they all are. I’d like to slap the twisted ass who thought it would be a good idea to put such awful things in the kiddie movies.

    I’m sorry you broke up with Vinny, he didn’t deserve you. You’re the QUEEN of F’ing everything! He should be honored to have served you.

    I think I’ll go cry for you now. Why? Cause I’m pregnant and it’s what I do. Been a couple days since my last good cry anyway.

  3. Sue- Don’t let them manipulate you! That show tries to make you cry!

    CortGirl- I will steer clear of Fox and the Hound! Thanks for the heads up. My mom didn’t allow Disney movies when we were kids. Now I know why!

  4. You and Vinny are over?! *sobs into her coffee*

    NOW who are we supposed to make salami jokes about?!?

    Not well played Crissy. Not. Well. Played.

  5. Um…..being literarally challenged like I am (Patricia Cornwell is TOO literature…..), I have not read the Red Pony……..so I Googled it.

    H to the E to the LL NO!! The Wiki paragraph made me feel HORRIBLE….just horrible.

    Why would people make kids read that stuff? I thought Of Mice and Men was bad. Shit…the Red Pony may have caused me to not graduate!!

    The childrens book Love You Forever is enough to sent me over the edge………

    Ok, I may need to get into the xanex for thinking about that pony….and that boy……..holy hell!!!

  6. I have to 2nd Old Yeller. What a reprehensible movie to include in the children’s section!

    Where the Red Fern Grows is on that list too. I know there are others that should be on that list, but I can’t think of them at the moment. I think I’ve repressed those memories due to the trauma they caused when I read/saw them as a child.
    .-= Stacey’s last blog post… Hi. My name is Stacey, and I’m a grammar whore. =-.

  7. Another loyal Queef has joined the army! I have also never previously heard of the Red Pony and wikipedia’d it…what a horrible story. I mean I realize it was written during the Great Depression but the story sounds horribly depressing.
    .-= ColinP’s last blog post… Legionary Position =-.

  8. You’re welcome Crissy. I wish my mom had of banned Disney movies too, they’re awful. I’m gonna go join the fan club now! I don’t post comments often, but I read every day. Sometimes I’m a little sad when you don’t post something, and I cry, but then you post something the next day and it’s all ok again!

  9. Thank you for making me laugh today, I joined your fan club on FB and I hope to hear a lot more. I am a mommy and I have been down, but when I read your stories you start my day anew!
    Thanks Chrissy!

  10. Don’t you worry the teeniest bit about commas, Your Majesty.

    Where, how many, or when,. It’s what you say between the commas, or any other damned other piece of punctuation, that counts.

    There are enough very good punctuationalists, out there, enough to start a country even, who don’t have a smidgen of good craft, or are scraping the bottom of the barrel for some bit of imagination, to put in between their well memorized English lessons.

    You on the other hand, have earned the right to pepper your commas all over town, should you like. Why, you could even begin a sentence, with a question mark, if you should choose?

    Now, let the matter be done, and entertain no more comma fears,, forever more.

  11. Damn Disney, Toy Story 2, Sarah McLauchlan, When She Loved Me. Reminds me of my beaner doll I loved so much when I was little. I’m tearing up now just picturing my beaner doll singing that song.

  12. i totally didn’t GET how sad those disney movies were when i was a kid. like, meh, now bambi’s mom dies, does that mean we can move on to the part with the rabbit? awesome.

    (i also didn’t realize how scandalous / tragic annie was growing up, and i forced my mom to let me watch it literally every day for like a year. i saw it again recently and was SCANDALIZED to realize mrs. hannigan was a DRUNK)
    .-= Alice’s last blog post… i’m officially a Pole Master! (believe me, i already know all the dirty puns you can make with that title.) =-.

  13. I once used Twats to describe people who use Twitter and got a whole earful from the Brits. Apparently, it’s not such a nice term over there. I knew that already and found my use ironic. Oh well.

    Long story short, I find Twitter utterly obnoxious. As I also find 90% of Facebook status updates. But, I keep up with FB because at least there are relevant pictures there and it’s mostly people I know in real life. Oh and bloggers, too. hahaha.
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Inspiration =-.

  14. I tried Twitter for about 2 days and decided I hated it. I dunno, it’s too high maintenance, or something. I don’t have time to babysit that thing. I’ve got a Facebook profile to babysit! I’ve got blogs to comment on! I’ve got prepositions to end sentences with!
    .-= Helen’s last blog post… White Trillium Hairclip, Comb or Brooch =-.

  15. You know what makes me cry? The Olympics. Like when they win and they play the Gold medalist’s national anthem, even if I hate the country, I still well up with tears over how emotional that person must be. Actually, all competition endings make me cry, even So You Think You Can Dance or the World Series Of Beer Pong. But I guess I always cry over spilt alcohol …
    .-= Heather’s last blog post… Rule #9: Never Hook Up With The Bartender =-.

  16. I cry at EVERYTHING, especially at a certain time of month. I fucking cried at “The Proposal” the other night, What’s wrong with me???

    I’m totally with you on the people not introducing themselves but wanting to be your facebook friend thing. In my case, they’re usually males who are friends with my former flatmate, who was a glamour model and therefore got a lot of male attention.

    If I requested you as a friend on facebook would you add me (provided I said who I was???)

  17. I think Bambi is the worst Disney movie ever. You have no heart if you can watch that without getting teary.
    Or peeing your pants.

    I cry every time in Lilo and Stitch. With that whole ‘OHANA means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten’ thing. Ball my effing eyeballs out.

    I kind of want to be your facebook friend..But I’m not sure I’m cool enough.
    .-= CuppyCakes’s last blog post… Coming From The Strangest Places. =-.

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