I’m really sorry you guys.
I’m sorry because I’ve only just last night realized that I have no life and I might be coming off as…I don’t know…INSANE? Lately?
I know, I know you’ve been thinking this for a while now and you’ve been meaning to mention it but you’re polite and kind and I really appreciate your wanting to spare my feelings. Such wonderful Queefs you are. Truly. I’d be nowhere without you.
But last night I was sitting at my desk drooling and mindlessly shoving mini peanut butter cups into my mouth in an effort to stay awake and also to keep from cutting myself just for something to do, it occured to me that I don’t really go anywhere, and I don’t really do anything unless you call going to work or Target “somewhere” and whining because the baby won’t stop crying long enough for me to load the dishwasher “something,” but I don’t.
I call it being too fucking mom tired to do anything other than survive.
And I feel wicked bad because I don’t get to read your blogs anymore and it takes me a while to reply to emails and I usually try to not suck, but right now? I’m getting my ass kicked.
I have these mood swings where one minute, I’m struggling so hard not to run screaming from my house and then like, literally five minutes later, I’m totally fine and all on top of everything and just like, momming it up and shit.
I’m coo-coo for coco puffs, basically.
But you don’t have to worry because I’m going to see my therapist tomorrow. I’ve been going to her on and off for the past fifteen years because the crazy. It is strong within me.
The last time I saw her was 4 years ago when Girlfriend was a little baby and I was sure I was going to stab everyone. Monica sorted my shit right out in about 4 sessions because she’s a total badass. She’s like…a ninja. And a therapist. She’s a…Ninjerapist. She just goes right into your head and you don’t even know what happened but all of a sudden, you make sense again and you don’t want to stab people anymore.
I will tell her I called her that and she will laugh.
She’s all new-age-y and she does Reiki and she was sporting the leggings with boots thing before it was everywhere and she sort of has that whole lesbian therapist look, you know the one with the hand-made silver and semi precious stone jewelry and the lesbian haircut? But she has long hair. And a kid. So I don’t think she’s a lesbian.
Maybe she is. Long hair and a kid doesn’t make you not a lesbian.
She called me “lovely” once and then said “everyone else is an asshole.”
I knew that already but it was really nice to have it confirmed by a professional.
So yes. Monica.
- Just take away my will to live, why don’t you? OR How therapy went last Friday
- Even when I’m sick, I’m still more productive than you.
- I used to be much more muchie. I have lost my muchiness.
- I MAY HAVE HAD the PMS last week when I did this but it made me feel really good inside my heart and if any of you fuckers call the police on me so help me Jesus I will ban you from this blog.
- It’s not not a tooma.