So the plan for the weekend was to paint the kitchen and the lavette and my friend Rachel told me that nobody says “lavette” anymore and so my first question is what do you call it? A powder room? A half-bath? The room where you pee and then wash your hands?
…?
And of course, we don’t just paint shit in this house. It’s more like “since I have my paintbrush out, I should replace the toilet and the sink and the faucet and get all new everything” because we’re not really big fans of keeping things simple around here. In fact, if there’s a way to make things harder and more complicated, that’s pretty much what we do.
And so we went to the toilet store.
And Mister is kind of a big fan of the toilet. As a matter of fact, he’s working on a coffee table or a bathroom reading book or whatever that has all pictures of toilets and men’s rooms in it. It’s very important to him, the toilet. And so he SAT ON THE TOILETS IN THE STORE TO TRY THEM OUT.
I was sort of mortified by this.
What?
I get mortified by things!
Why is that so hard for you to believe?
And then he had Girlfriend do it too, and Homeslice and I just sort of stood there, agog. We didn’t know what to do and so I yelled at Mister to stop sitting on toilets in the toilet store and I said something like “why don’t you just pull your pants down, too!?! You’re not supposed to test them out in the store!” and then some woman who had spent the past 10 minutes selecting just the right towel rack from a shelf full of IDENTICAL towel racks shouted in her Rhode Island accent “YES YOU AH! YES YOU AH! IT’S VERY IMPAWDINT! I spent six months of my life making sure people got the right toilet!”
huh.
I have questions.
1) Why did she shout at me?
b) Why would anyone spend 6 months of her life fitting people for toilets?
4) Would you sit on toilets in the store?
f) Do I have poop issues or is it weird to sit on toilets in the store? I mean, Home Depot keeps them way up high. I imagine that’s to keep people from using them.
10) Right?
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That picture is great! We never sat on the toilet we bought. The dual flush is really cool though and it only cost $99.
Well people try out beds, so why not a toliet? Although I agree with you, I would never sit on one in the store. That said, I did read recently where someone was arrested for taking a crap in a toliet that was on display in a store. I forget what state that was in. Florida maybe? Has Mister been to Florida lately and does he have a pending court date? Great picture! I love the colors and that is one fine toliet.
1. People in RI always shout VERY IMPAWDINT THINGS.
b. sounds freudian
4. yes (please see post on wine in Target for explanation)
f. I think you are currently wiping too much poop to think rationally–and honestly, why are you letting someone a foot taller than you judge appropriate height? You’ll need a booster!
10. Right.
susan: that’s actually the OLD toilet and the OLD bathroom decor. (the shot is about 2 years old now.)
i haven’t taken a picture of the new look yet. i promise i’ll make my wife dress up for this one too.
as far as trying out the toilets, would you buy a chair without sitting on it first???
rachel: i’ve realized that i prefer an ADA compliant throne.
the model we ended up with is the Mancesa CYCLONE 4™ Elongated Front Toilet, Vitreous china, 1.0 gpf/3.8 Lpf or less, pressure-assisted siphon jet flush action with FLUSHMATE IV® flushometer tank system (model 504):
http://www.flushmate.com/DocumentLibrary/pdf/Models/FLU6012_7-Mancesa.pdf
the height of this bowl is 14.5 inches. ADA requires 17-19 inches, which is much more in line with average chair heights. you sit on a chair, you sit on a toilet–why the fuck are toilets so low??? it makes a big difference!
I might sit on a toilet in the store if we had to buy one now….but it’s only because I’m 7 months pregnant and I’d need to make sure it wasn’t too low to get up off of. It’s hard to hoist this big ol’ belly up these days as it is…but I”m with you, it’d still be mortifying…what would happen if you guys wanted to redo the shower? Would he get into the shower stall to make sure it was just right too?
I wholeheartedly agree with testing the merchandise. Pants-free is not necessary, since that is more of a toilet seat issue, which is replaced much more easily than the toilet itself.
Also,be glad… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=990XR8UOe1U
Tess’s last blog post… Selective Stupidity
I didn’t think toilets were this complex until I saw one once in a airport that had a bidet. That’s right, toilet bidet.
I just had to share that.
I would probably sit on the toilets merely for resting purposes.
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Hey….I am easily skeeved by bathroom ’stuff’ and germs, and whatnot, but I can totally see the need to try it out. Alot of butt time is spent on the commode in a lifetime…..I suppose you’d want it to be comfy!!
Same with a shower…some of the corner shower stalls are made for small children and chihuahuas! I’m a rubenesque gal, and would need ROOM to turn and lather! So I can also see the need to try out the showers!
However, if he had his pants to his ankles trying out the stools, then we may have a problem…
I’m surprised you didn’t opt for a “Ferguson”…aka, Married With Children.
at least he didnt shit in it…. like in jackass
Natballs’s last blog post… Haven’t You Heard?
Seems to me that people on the east coast shout things. A lot. With their peculiar vowel and consonant sounds.
If you get an uncomfortable toilet, can’t you just change the seat? That’s what I did when I moved into my house. An old lady had lived here and she had an old lady seat. First thing I did was change it to a young nubile woman seat.
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Um. I sat on a toilet at Menards just the other day. It wasn’t very comfortable. I have a picture. I’ll have to find it and send it to you. Because yes. We took a picture of me sitting on the toilet in the store.
That’s very important. That we took a picture.
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This is because guys spend way more time on toilets than women.
I swear it is a secret olympic sport for women. Speed pooping. I don’t think girls have bowel movements – they have bowel sprints.
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I’m from Boston, I’m Italian, it’s impawtint. (to me, anyway)
Loud & Proud
George in Atlanta
Your numbering system is confusing. I got distracted. Did you ask something?
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a) love that apron
2) i think we’re married to the same man
G) i would totally freak-the-’F'-out as my husband tried out toilets in public; only later to discover he picked out the perfect one & have to graciously thank him for his efforts!
Erm…that would all sorts of embarrass me too. By a lot.
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I’m with Mister on this one. I would TOTALLY try out the toilets. If it isn’t comfortable, how are you supposed to do your business?
stealthnerd’s last blog post… The title/Reader issue
Oh yes. Must sit. Must do. Though it’s very odd to. Don’t we spend something like a 1/3 of our life on the pot? Or is that in bed?
Must be just right. Especially for the boys. The W.C. is like the library to them, or maybe more like church.
i would be horrified if my bf sat on a toilet in the store. wait… scratch that… i’d probably think it was hilarious, take a picture, and post it to twitter.
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As a male myself, and knowing the importance of comfortableness regarding toilets and attached seats, no I don’t find this behavior at all odd. I would dare say, encourage such behavior.
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I knew the boys would be all about testing out the potty in the store. Mister sits there so long, his legs go numb…
crissy’s last blog post… What would you do if your husband sat on a toilet at the toilet store?
My brother in law once asked me how I knew I was finished if my legs hadn’t gone numb yet….good grief.
Back when my daughter was potty training we went to home depot for some faucet thing because our old one was broken. Anyway as we are looking at faucets and such, we notice she was very quiet. Well, she had actually used the toilet at Home Depot to make stinky and wet potty. Yeah, I was mortified.
……Actually, this did not happen. I just made it up. Funny though, right?
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Considering the amount of time your ass spends sitting on a toilet seat, I would want to test them out. Being a petite girl, some are just too round and I feel like I’m going to fall in and some of the wooden ones feel like they’re going to splinter!
That being said, I cannot wait for the bathroom book on men’s restrooms, and it’s probably fitting that it’s meant to read while on the toilet because some of the ones I’ve seen are so nasty that I’d probably have to barf.
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Nah. As long as it does it’s job, I’m good. No need to test it in the store. AND I would leave my husband where he sat if he flop down on the john in front of gawkers. lol. This entire post was awesome.
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Is there really enough difference between toilets that it’s helpful to check them out? I always thought they had a sort of standardness about them……about the same height, similar shape, etc. During a less than happy time of my life, I worked briefly at Linens N Things (does it still exist?). Anyway, we sold toilet seats, and a co-worker told me a story about a woman who asked about one of the soft plastic ones, “Will I stick to it?”
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Uhhh, with us, I would be the one testing the equipment, and HE would be the mortified one. He’s the prude in the family and I enjoy it as often as I can!!
And that new towlit of yours comes from here!! We’ll have to check that puppy out if we ever need a new one.
It really doesn’t matter what kind of toilet seat I own because regardless of size, fit, comfort or price, The Boy will drip and piss and do other awful things to it anyway.
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I have to confess that when I think about moving somewhere I will do a “dry run” and stretch out in the tub. But, when you make bath products, having a comfy “test tub” is important.
I’m used to having to make do with whatever “throne” is installed so I don’t know that I’d even think of a “test run” for that.
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Back in June 95, when we bought our house, the first thing we needed to redo was the only bathroom in the house with a tub/shower. We moved in and that is when my husband met his true love – the tan toilet evidently placed there by the Throne Gods. Problem was, I wanted an all white bath. So, with the requirements of – elongated (evidently nice for the man junk), supernatural flushing power without pressure assist, and the perfect height – we set out on the never ending quest to find one. Otherwise, precious would go back into the room. Sigh…there is only so much summer to shower by hose in the yard so the room was not made over to be all white. Once a man finds the right one.. all others pale in comparison.
seems like we’re pretty evenly divided on the “dry run” in the showroom.
i’m NOT crazy!
Oh, there is a happy ending though for me. When we built the master bath I got all white, and *I* picked a pretty close match to Precious I – The Kholer Memoirs® Comfort Height® elongated toilet – K-3542. Precious II has never had to be double flushed either and he almost loves her as much.
Pimp is NOT crazy. Or maybe he is, because it sort of makes me nuts that I have thought so much about toilets in my life.
I think many people are anal retentive so it makes sense
Have you ever noticed that in some stores they have this industrial see-through plastic sheet thing over the hole on the toilet?
Or in some that dont have the plastic over the hole, have you noticed that they’re like really really really dirty? Almost to the point where it looks like someone took a doodoo in it….. ew.
BTW, Pimp isnt crazy……. to be honest, if your going to be sitting on the toilet for an hour… you better make it feel like heaven on your ass.
did he test the TP for softness and durability at sam’s club too?
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