Wii Fight

Bad news, you guys.

Mister hacked the Wii and now we have every game imaginable, and the Wii is plugged into a very large TV in front of a very comfortable couch in the basement next to a fridge full of beer and a bar. All we’re missing is a microwave to heat up nacho cheese sauce and it’s every man’s fantasyland.

I go to bed alone.

I wake up alone.

I find myself shouting things down the basement stairs like “DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS????” And I hear things shouted back at me like “YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”

And then yesterday I came downstairs in the morning to find that while I was at work the night before, Mister had a little Wii party in the basement and didn’t so much as lift a dish to put it in the dishwasher, and the house was in chaos, and Girlfriend had apparently eaten Fruity Snacks (all natural of course but it’s still not really fruit despite what Mister thinks) for dinner and Homeslice probably ate her socks because I still can’t find them.  And in Girlfriend’s room, I found Hello Kitty wearing a pair of Homeslice’s pants with a hole cut into the back so her tail could come out

I kind of knew something was up when I came home that night because he was all nice to me.  And I was like “why are you being so nice to me?” and he was like “I can’t be nice to my wife?  I love you!” And I’m all “what did you do?”  And he’s all “NOTHING! I SWEAR! JEEZUS!!!”

Uh-huh.

I went BULLSHIT when I found the evidence.

And so I put the Wiimotes in my purse and brought them to work with me.

Yes I did.

And you know what you guys?  I came home to the gentle hum of the dishwasher running and Girlfriend’s room all picked up and the books and all the toys put away and the children happy and bathed and pajama-ed and nobody had a hole in the back of their pants.

There was no discussion as to the whereabouts of the Wiimotes because he knew.

The End.

PS: Girlfriend is an amazing liar.  I’m totally bringing her with me next time I tried to return used/worn things to Macy’s.  You should have seen her innocent little face when she told me that the pants were like that when she found them and that maybe Homeslice cut that hole herself.  She actually almost convinced me before I came to my senses and had to call bullshit on her.  Don’t get me wrong, Queefs.  Homeslice is pretty smart.  She says “hi” and “Alice” and “mama” and she can wave bye-bye at people and she almost does the “SO BIG ” thing, but as far as I know, she cannot use scissors.  I mean seriously, she just figured out how mirrors work.

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32 comments

  1. there is absolutely no correlation between the lack of wiimotes and the accomplishment of several household chores.

    i believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. you, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge or hustle. your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable. you, crissy, are a poor scientist.

  2. Homeslice TALKS???? Jonah needs to catch up and start reading me the Great Gatsby, because Goodnight Moon is for amateurs.

    You stealing the Wii remotes totally reminds me of my cousin getting pissed off at me and locking Dr. Mario in a closet so I couldn’t play it (this was like 2 years ago. I love Dr. Mario).
    .-= Natballs’s last blog post… 101 In 1001 =-.

  3. Oh Mister! Do we need an intervention like we see on the TV or perhaps a stay at The Betty Ford clinic (I think they only do drug and alcohol so no)? Step away from the Wii Mister-think of the childrens. But dude I am totally impressed with your hacking skills.

  4. You go girl! You rock for taking the Wii remotes away. . .However, when I clicked on this blog name, I so totally thought that you were in negotiations with the Wii people about your WiiSex idea.
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… April 17, 2008 =-.

  5. Hilarious!

    I also notice a similar method when something that does not belong sits in the same spot for several days/weeks/whatever, even though you’ve mentioned/asked/complained/bitched that the thing was starting to grow legs from the dust and what not, but yet it STILL doesn’t move to where it rightfully belongs. Therefore an empty, clean trash bag filled with the stuff sits neatly in the hall waiting to be taken out. With a note on it explaining in 5 words or less what the contents are, and giving a timeline for when it will be welcomed to the dumpster. Normally it finds its way out of the trash bag and into its rightful place within minutes of discovery. 🙂

  6. Very entertaining. Very. Especially liked Hello Kitty wearing a pair of Homeslice’s pants “mysteriously” altered for Ms Kitty’s tail.

  7. We haven’t hacked into the new Wii, but Justin has been getting WAY more play time out of it. And it’s mine!! And then(italicize) he has the audacity to ask me if I have been working out with the Wii fit!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!!!
    .-= Windsor’s last blog post… Well, that was a huge waste =-.

  8. So i was hanging out with my boyfriend and his married friend when I read this post. I laughed out loud and they asked what was funny so I read the post to them. The friend got this horrified look on his face. He thought his wife had a secret blog he didn’t know about b/c they just had a fight about the same thing. You are not alone!

  9. hahahahahahahahahahahha … I had to read this to my husband since he just cleaned the entire house due to a wife-throwing-a-fit episode … but we don’t own a Wii

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