Whilst Girlfriend was at school yesterday, I went sweater shopping because the room where I work at Schmuckytown Pubic is right next to the big double doors where all the Schmuckytown Pubic Employees do their inning and outing and also where the UPS guy comes to deliver his package (not his figurative one you filthy dirties, his literal package) and so holy Mary mother of Jeebus is it COLD. So, sweaters.
And Homeslice is the bestest little shopper in all the land as long as we bring Princess Sophie with us:
Remember the woobie in Mister mom? Yeah. It’s kind of like that only it’s me that freaks out when she’s missing because she keeps Homeslice occupied for a long time. Sophie crinkles, you know. She’s very fancy. She was also $15, but when I showed her to Homeslice, her eyes got all wide and she was just like, “oooooooo” and so I bought her.
And because of my rather wise and extravagant investment in Princess Sophie, I was able to sift through tons of CRAP (seriously, what is with the crap in the store right now? No wonder all I ever buy is solid color long sleeved cotton scoop neck tee shirts. That’s all there is!) and I found two pretty warmish ones that will do nicely as “library sweaters” (read: for work only because only a librarian would be caught dead in these suckers but it’s better than freezing my tits off or wearing a SNUGGIE, which my boss actually resorted to last yesterday night), and since it’s colder than Santa’s balls these days, I brought them home and put one on immediately for work.
And it’s kind of cute in an asymmetrical, chunky, woolen kind of way which I don’t mind at all and somebody was all “Hey! Cute sweater! Is it new?” and so I’m all “Yeah!” And then she was all “I could tell!” And then she pointed at the wad of tags and spare buttons dangling from my armpit.
Oh.
I forgot to cut those.
Do any of you guys ever use those spare buttons and little bits of wool that come with new sweaters? Like, if you get a hole in your sweater, do you run to your jewelry box (where else would you keep that, anyway?) and get out the little baggie of spare parts and just start knitting the hole back together, or are you like me and you just put the sweater in the Donations for the Poor Who Have Better Sewing Skills Than Me basket you keep in your closet?
Anyways, I’m an idiot.
The end.
PS: I’m sensing some tomfoolery involving a Snuggie and Schmuckytown Pubic. Aren’t you? I can feel it in my bones, just like I can tell when it’s going to rain.
PSS: I wrote this entire post while wrestling with Homeslice. I’m kind of heroic.
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Hey, Sista!! Because we are…in a freakishly distant, not knowing each other kind of way….
I keep MY spare sweater parts in my jewlery box TOO!! Then years later I wonder WTF all these buttons and threads are!! But I keep them…..because YOU NEVER KNOW when one of those buttons or strings may come in handy…you know?
My favorite is when I hurriedly whipped off one of those sticky strips on the pants that tells you what size it was (on tan pants. This is an important fact.) and then put on my long black wool coat. Yeah. By the time I got to work, I had a nice sticky strip of BLACK on my ass.
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Crissy, you must be the only hawt librarian to ever exist. Just sayin’.
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I have gotten ready for a date and not realized I left that sticky strip Kate mentioned on my new jeans. The dude saw my size, etc. all along my back end for quite a while before I realized it was there. Super embarassing.
And I keep those buttons and strings, but never use them. I have a crap load of pretty buttons that go to sweaters, shirts, pants, and dresses that I’m not sure I even own any more. And my mom sews, so I always rationalize that I’ll just keep that stuff so that when I need a repair, I’ll send it all to her to fix. But it never happens.
I am so relieved because I thought I was the only person to keep all those buttons and pieces of extra yarn crap that I have no clue how to use and would never ever attempt to use. If I put all the yarn wooly pieces of crap I have collected over the years together I could make a blanket for a house. That is if I had the skill to do such a thing, which sadly I do not. That Princess Sophie is freakin adorable. Where did you find her??? I so need to get that for my new niece.
i NEVER save that stuff, who does? and i kind of want a princess sophie doll for myself.
If the clothing manufacture made a quality product would they need to include the extra buttons. I don’t thing I have ever used one, yet kept one. Quick question, is “last yesterday night” the same thing as two nights ago? I’m trying to keep up with you cool kids. Have a great weekend.
I have a bag of ancient Sewing Things that I have saved for at least the last 20 or so years, for the spare buttons and bits of wool. Once in a great while, they get used, but I wouldn’t know what to do with a crochet needle. My jewelry box is too jammed with jewelry, as I’m an obsessive buyer of that sort of thing. Still, it’s hard to find anything in there. My friend Jamie and I were going to invent a Practical and Economical Jewelry Box In Which You Can Find Shit last year, but then we got distracted. Maybe next year.
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I have carefully tucked every single spare button (in it’s own special plastic bag) and mini spool of thread I have ever received into a drawer.
I have never used any of it. Never.
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This reminds me of the other day when Sweets walks into the living room in a new fleece. I ask him if it’s new. He says no, followed by giving me a look like I’m crazy. I smirk and ask him again whether it’s new. He says no, why do I keep asking. I tell him the tags are hanging out the back, that’s why. He wrinkled his face and finally confessed it was new. I had to laugh.
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If I had a Princess Sophie to sooth my soul, I too would be the “bestest little shopper in all the land”. Must get one soon.
All those pieces and parts that come with clothes go in their very own special box. I’ve used one button out of the many years of hoarding them. Some of the pieces and parts I don’t even have the clothing they came with anymore. This is probably why grandma’s have the button jar full of buttons. They’re her life’s collection of clothes parts.
My husband has a sweater that has come apart somewhere near the arm pit and I need to go to the store to get a sweater mending kit so I can fix the arm pit……..Didn’t save the parts, but I’m sure I can find some at the fabric store.
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I think it’s the eyes on that doll. She’s making me stare at her.
I usually tend to forget those size stickers they put on clothes. Especially jeans. You know those long stickers on the leg of the jeans? Why do they have to put those stupid stickers??
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I always throw the spare buttons/thread/sequins/whatever with a new outfit into a drawer. I have tons of them that I couldn’t tell you what item of clothing they actually BELONG to. And if I LOSE a button off something, you can guarantee I won’t find the spare one.
Not that it matters since I can’t actually SEW. But that’s not the point….
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Princess Sophie looks like a demon doll with those crazy eyes and those voodoo beads she’s carrying. You should listen at Homeslice’s door at night to make sure Princess Sophie isn’t talking to Homeslice about coup or ass explosion in the dressing room or something. Just a thought.
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Have you tried the deluxe snuggie? it’s not old and chaffey (is that even a word) like the first snuggies… it’s soft and snuggly! all i’m trying to say is yes i totally wear mine at work.
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I am buy that doll for Archie! It’ll work the same way, right?
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Also, I am buying.
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I have a freestanding jewelry armoire because I like to pretend that I am fancy. The bottom drawer of it has become the Sewing Drawer. Not only do I have the buttons and threads from all of my clothes, I also have the bits, pieces, and patches for my husband’s uniforms. The sewing drawer is the most populated one in the whole thing. It’s sad.
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