On Christmas eve, my mother came over to take care of Homeslice so I could get the pot roast and the scalloped potatoes and the cinnamon rolls and the fruit salad ready while Girlfriend went sledding with Mister, her Auntie Cya, my brother, and her cousin, Diesel. It was pretty much a banner day for Girlfriend. I thought her head was going to explode. My brother’s certainly did. Nice hat, dude. ( he borrowed it from Mister, it was a gift from Cya. It all comes full circle…)
That’s Diesel right there. He’s like a nephew to me. He goes everywhere my brother does. I think he sometimes goes out on dates, too.
I’m pretty sure his Plenty of Fish thing says “must love dogs.” He doesn’t mean it that way, you dirty birds. At least, I don’t think so. You never know with my brother.
Santa brought Homeslice this cube thing. It has all sorts of stuff on it, and she loves it, but I don’t know what Santa was thinking because Homeslice specifically asked for a wet nurse and a nanny.
So far, we haven’t been able to find a nipple on the thing, but it keeps her pretty busy, so I guess it’s sort of like a nanny. Except it doesn’t change diapers or, like, move or anything.
And Girlfriend got a My Little Pony bike. And two My Little Pony dolls and a My Little Pony book. It was a very pony Christmas, obviously. This is the best picture I have of the bike. Sorry. It’s Mister and his “art” or whatever.
I would like to post my official complaint to Santa that there was no bike under the tree for ME. I’ve been asking for one for years, Santa. I don’t know why you’re being a douche.
I’VE BEEN A GOOD GIRL TOO, YOU FAT FUCK!
My mother looked awesome. Mister says my mother is the reason why he married me. They may be having an affair.
Meh.
Keep it in the family, that’s what I say.
Santa brought Alice a humiliating collar and she moped all day because I made her put it on, it looks like Girlfriend is about to sniff Diesel’s ass, and I don’t think we need to discuss the bunny ears, do we?
I didn’t think so. Oh, and that’s my brother’s lady friend. They didn’t really wear matching sweaters. It just looks like they did.
And after Christmas was over and most of the family went home, Girlfriend and Auntie built a puzzle together.
And then Robert Duvall came over for a kegger.
So yes. It was a good old fashioned Christmas around here where people who may or may not have sex with their dogs go sledding and we built puzzles and my mom and my husband exchanged secret presents (probably) and then celebrities come over and have a few beers.
I’m still feeling pretty wiped out though.
You?
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Homeslice looks very happy with her new “nanny”.
Christmas was disturbing for me as I discovered my mum once picked a pair of knickers off the street thinking they were hers, then got home and realised they weren’t. That’s just odd.
Paula’s last blog post… SO JUST SOME RANDOM STUFF . . .
Those pics are sweet…but I much prefer the New Year’s debauchery yet to come!
And tell your Mom that her new look is FAB! (Last time I saw her was pre-new hair & glasses!)
Hey! Girlfriend smiles for pictures just like your mom! And what? Your brother has a lady friend? Hrmph. Whatever. And Homeslice. Sigh. Her cheeks.
k8’s last blog post… The Toddler
santa didn’t bring ME a bike, either. wtf, santa.
Alice’s last blog post… snow! movie! giants game! christmas!
Sometimes, hosting at your own home takes more effort than getting the family packed up and going to someone else’s home. You pulled it off and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Especially those butt sniffers. Ahem.
SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Cancer
who knew robert duvall liked to get so drunk??? partied like a fucking rock star.
he looks great for 78 years old, too.
Crissy’s Pimp’s last blog post… monday, dec 28
He did party like a rock star. I’m in awe, actually.
Wow! Next year I’m coming to your house. It looks like you guys had way more fun than us – we just unpacked more boxes (will they never end?!). Santa took a break from our family this year on account of I had no time to tell him what we wanted. I think the New Year’s elf will make up for it though. Happy Holidays Crissies!
The dog’s name is Diesel. That makes more sense. I thought you were talking about a PERSON named Diesel. I was like
“…………………………….”
Natballs’s last blog post… Headed Towards Shredding
You still haven’t gotten a bike? JEEZUS. I feel like I’ve been asking for a bike for you for years too. OH RIGHT, BECAUSE I HAVE.
EARTH TO SANTA AND THE BIRTHDAY FAIRY.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Citron Progress and Christmas
I think perhaps Santa is afraid of el barrio cuz there was a whole lotta nothing for Xmas here. I don’t blame him, I’ve heard what sounds like gunshots very close by the last two nights.
Enjoy your pics! Looks like fun!
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post
Yep, pretty exhausted but still have some fight left in me to battle some bitches for discounted wrapping paper. Maybe.
Miss Spoken’s last blog post… Brandy Glaze and Fist Fights At Wal*Mart
Can’t you go and find an ugly tree and at least throw yourself against it a few times to…I don’t know, not be so darn pretty. It’s not fair! GGRrrr.
Looks like you had a great Christmas! Nice photos. Thanks for sharing.
Rebecca’s last blog post… Crazies on Craigslist
i’m glad that you’re laid back enough to have all of those dogs in your house. most people are not. looks like a great christmas!
Amie Simmons’s last blog post… One More Cookie Before I Go: A Tale of Split Families at Holiday Times
Hey girl, here is the perfect gift for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEe55NxFSSU
Sums up the douchebaggery of a Santa not bringing a fucking bike. (do not play in front of Girlfriend, even though it looks like a cartoon, cause you don’t want her using that C word. Or maybe you do. I just don’t want you to be blaming me. Oh and one last thing, NO ONE in Australia has an accent like that. It is a myth perpetuated by that dick The Crocodile Hunter. Nature sure did punish his arse for that)
nice link, kelley!
i lolled
Oh well. Maybe next year someone will be maimed, poisoned, or killed? Good times.
I have a hat with a bunch of penises on it, too. Like your brother, I too only wear it on very special occasions.
You know, when I saw the very first picture of Diesel, I also said to myself, “I wonder what his ass smells like.” Girlfriend and I have a lot in common.
Your mom is totally hot. Please tell her I would do her right.
stoogepie’s last blog post… Post-Fucking-Xmas Comic
Your brother is cute Crissy! Diesel can totally go on a date with me and my 5soontobe4then5again dogs! Let me just get rid of this pesky, good for nothing fiance and I’ll be right up to RI. Say 7ish?
Come Jessica! I could totally hang with you as a sister in law!
crissy’s last blog post… Nobody was maimed, poisoned, or killed. You should look at these pictures or whatever.
I don’t think it was Homeslice that asked for the wet nurse or nanny, already has those, methinks it was you.
joeinvegas’s last blog post… Christmas in Vegas 2009
You look just like your mom, or should I say she looks like you. Yeah that sounds nicer ;o)
Mom Taxi Julie’s last blog post… I’m on the mend!!
I’m heading to NY in Feb, put your brother in a cab okay? The worthless, sexless fiance will be gone by then even if I have to hire a fucking lawyer.
Netten Blog hast du hier. Ich bin eben
Your Mom’s as sparkly & pretty as one of those really good Christmas angels you put on top of the tree.