Nobody was maimed, poisoned, or killed. You should look at these pictures or whatever.

On Christmas eve, my mother came over to take care of Homeslice so I could get the pot roast and the  scalloped  potatoes and the cinnamon rolls and the fruit salad ready while Girlfriend went sledding with Mister, her Auntie Cya, my brother, and her cousin, Diesel.  It was pretty much a banner day for Girlfriend.  I thought her head was going to explode.  My brother’s certainly did.  Nice hat, dude. ( he borrowed it from Mister, it was a gift from Cya.  It all comes full circle…)


That’s Diesel right there.  He’s like a nephew to me.  He goes everywhere my brother does.  I think he sometimes goes out on dates, too.


I’m pretty sure his Plenty of Fish thing says “must love dogs.”  He doesn’t mean it that way, you dirty birds.  At least, I don’t think so.  You never know with my brother.

Santa brought Homeslice this cube thing.  It has all sorts of stuff on it, and she loves it, but I don’t know what Santa was thinking because Homeslice specifically asked for a wet nurse and a nanny.


So far, we haven’t been able to find a nipple on the thing, but it keeps her pretty busy, so I guess it’s sort of like a nanny. Except it doesn’t change diapers or, like, move or anything.


And Girlfriend got a My Little Pony bike.  And two My Little Pony dolls and a My Little Pony book.  It was a very pony Christmas, obviously.  This is the best picture I have of the bike.  Sorry.  It’s Mister and his “art” or whatever.


I would like to post my official complaint to Santa that there was no bike under the tree for ME.  I’ve been asking for one for years, Santa.  I don’t know why you’re being a douche.


My mother looked awesome.  Mister says my mother is the reason why he married me.  They may be having an affair.



Keep it in the family, that’s what I say.

Santa brought Alice a humiliating collar and she moped all day because I made her put it on, it looks like Girlfriend is about to sniff Diesel’s ass, and I don’t think we need to discuss the bunny ears, do we?


I didn’t think so.  Oh, and that’s my brother’s lady friend.  They didn’t really wear matching sweaters.  It just looks like they did.

And after Christmas was over and most of the family went home, Girlfriend and Auntie built a puzzle together.


And then Robert Duvall came over for a kegger.


So yes.  It was a good old fashioned Christmas around here where people who may or may not have sex with their dogs go sledding and we built puzzles and my mom and my husband exchanged secret presents (probably) and then celebrities come over and have a few beers.

I’m still feeling pretty wiped out though.


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  1. Homeslice looks very happy with her new “nanny”.

    Christmas was disturbing for me as I discovered my mum once picked a pair of knickers off the street thinking they were hers, then got home and realised they weren’t. That’s just odd.
    .-= Paula’s last blog post… SO JUST SOME RANDOM STUFF . . . =-.

  2. Those pics are sweet…but I much prefer the New Year’s debauchery yet to come!

    And tell your Mom that her new look is FAB! (Last time I saw her was pre-new hair & glasses!)

  3. Sometimes, hosting at your own home takes more effort than getting the family packed up and going to someone else’s home. You pulled it off and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Especially those butt sniffers. Ahem.
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Cancer =-.

  4. Wow! Next year I’m coming to your house. It looks like you guys had way more fun than us – we just unpacked more boxes (will they never end?!). Santa took a break from our family this year on account of I had no time to tell him what we wanted. I think the New Year’s elf will make up for it though. Happy Holidays Crissies!

  5. Can’t you go and find an ugly tree and at least throw yourself against it a few times to…I don’t know, not be so darn pretty. It’s not fair! GGRrrr.

    Looks like you had a great Christmas! Nice photos. Thanks for sharing.
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Crazies on Craigslist =-.

  6. Hey girl, here is the perfect gift for you:

    Sums up the douchebaggery of a Santa not bringing a fucking bike. (do not play in front of Girlfriend, even though it looks like a cartoon, cause you don’t want her using that C word. Or maybe you do. I just don’t want you to be blaming me. Oh and one last thing, NO ONE in Australia has an accent like that. It is a myth perpetuated by that dick The Crocodile Hunter. Nature sure did punish his arse for that)

  7. Oh well. Maybe next year someone will be maimed, poisoned, or killed? Good times.

    I have a hat with a bunch of penises on it, too. Like your brother, I too only wear it on very special occasions.

    You know, when I saw the very first picture of Diesel, I also said to myself, “I wonder what his ass smells like.” Girlfriend and I have a lot in common.

    Your mom is totally hot. Please tell her I would do her right.
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Post-Fucking-Xmas Comic =-.

  8. Your brother is cute Crissy! Diesel can totally go on a date with me and my 5soontobe4then5again dogs! Let me just get rid of this pesky, good for nothing fiance and I’ll be right up to RI. Say 7ish?

  9. I’m heading to NY in Feb, put your brother in a cab okay? The worthless, sexless fiance will be gone by then even if I have to hire a fucking lawyer.

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