On Christmas eve, my mother came over to take care of Homeslice so I could get the pot roast and the scalloped potatoes and the cinnamon rolls and the fruit salad ready while Girlfriend went sledding with Mister, her Auntie Cya, my brother, and her cousin, Diesel. It was pretty much a banner day for Girlfriend. I thought her head was going to explode. My brother’s certainly did. Nice hat, dude. ( he borrowed it from Mister, it was a gift from Cya. It all comes full circle…)
That’s Diesel right there. He’s like a nephew to me. He goes everywhere my brother does. I think he sometimes goes out on dates, too.
I’m pretty sure his Plenty of Fish thing says “must love dogs.” He doesn’t mean it that way, you dirty birds. At least, I don’t think so. You never know with my brother.
Santa brought Homeslice this cube thing. It has all sorts of stuff on it, and she loves it, but I don’t know what Santa was thinking because Homeslice specifically asked for a wet nurse and a nanny.
So far, we haven’t been able to find a nipple on the thing, but it keeps her pretty busy, so I guess it’s sort of like a nanny. Except it doesn’t change diapers or, like, move or anything.
And Girlfriend got a My Little Pony bike. And two My Little Pony dolls and a My Little Pony book. It was a very pony Christmas, obviously. This is the best picture I have of the bike. Sorry. It’s Mister and his “art” or whatever.
I would like to post my official complaint to Santa that there was no bike under the tree for ME. I’ve been asking for one for years, Santa. I don’t know why you’re being a douche.
I’VE BEEN A GOOD GIRL TOO, YOU FAT FUCK!
My mother looked awesome. Mister says my mother is the reason why he married me. They may be having an affair.
Keep it in the family, that’s what I say.
Santa brought Alice a humiliating collar and she moped all day because I made her put it on, it looks like Girlfriend is about to sniff Diesel’s ass, and I don’t think we need to discuss the bunny ears, do we?
I didn’t think so. Oh, and that’s my brother’s lady friend. They didn’t really wear matching sweaters. It just looks like they did.
And after Christmas was over and most of the family went home, Girlfriend and Auntie built a puzzle together.
And then Robert Duvall came over for a kegger.
So yes. It was a good old fashioned Christmas around here where people who may or may not have sex with their dogs go sledding and we built puzzles and my mom and my husband exchanged secret presents (probably) and then celebrities come over and have a few beers.
I’m still feeling pretty wiped out though.