I’m going to be completely honest with you. This post is a nightmare.

Late last night I got home from work and I was wicked tired you guys, and I’m fighting a cold, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I think Homeslice was already in bed, or on her way, when Mister stood over me while I was laying on our bed and he was all “Don’t accuse me of making this up because I didn’t, but…”

And I interrupted because I just. knew. he was working in yet another request for a blow job, I could just tell by the way he was looking at me, and so I was just like “WHAT? What is it this time?” And he was all “I read a study that said women who swallow semen are happier.  It also prevents preeclampsia.”  And then I was all “that’s nice.  You’re full of shit. I’m still not blowing you. I don’t give a fuck about preeclampsia, and I’d rather be sad.”  And he was all “that’s harsh.  Fine.  Don’t believe me, but I have the facts to prove it.” And I was all “only a bunch of horny science nerds would decide to do that study.  Who funds this shit anyway when there are people still dying of Cancer?” And he was all “maybe they discovered it by accident while looking for a cure for Cancer.  Don’t mock what you do not understand.”  And then the rest of the conversation is sort of a blur because I think I fell asleep.

No.  I’m sure.

I’m sure I fell asleep because this conversation wasn’t even interesting enough for me to stay awake long enough to find something to throw at his head.  Seriously, did he expect me to just be like “OMG! Who knew that all this time, happiness was just a cum shot, a gulp, and a shudder away?!?  Hot damn, boy!  Pull your pants down and give mama a little dose of happy!”

Go sell crazy somewhere else, Mister.

AnyCrissyabruptlychangesthesubjectbecausethiswaswayfunnierinherhead, so tonight is the night that we go to Boston to meet with Melissa LIIIOOOONNNNN and her Very Special Fancyhats!!!  I will be wearing a cute sweater dress, as will she, because apparently that’s what you wear when you meet other bloggers.  Melissa and I know this instinctively.  It’s what I wore last year when we met Chris and Ari and Dingo and Lauren except this year, I’m not knocked up so I can drink an inappropriate amount of wine and probably be Party Asshole.

I’ll keep you posted.

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26 comments

  1. You know, if sperm’s antidepressant qualities were the end of the story, I would think maybe Crissy’s Pimp is just horny. But sperm really is so much more. Consider, for instance, sperm’s anti-aging, anti-wrinkle, and antioxidant properties.

    For instance: http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/56941/

    Yes, you could pay $250 for a sperm facial at Townhouse Spa here in NYC, or you could get the same results with fresh sperm. The choice is yours.
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Ninja Rape Gang =-.

  2. my favorite line…”a cum shot, a gulp, and a shudder away.” Perfection.

    I must be reaching new lows, as I miss being Party Asshole…

  3. Seriously Crissy I think Mister deserved something for all of his research efforts. Just think how “happy” you could both be today.

  4. If, and when I say “if” I mean when, they prove that semen does in deed cure cancer I’m sure you will be humming a different sack. Mister you da’ man!

  5. “OMG! Who knew that all this time, happiness was just a cum shot, a gulp, and a shudder away?!?” – You see… THIS is why I love my QOFE! That line is GOLD!

    And props to Ben’s comment which made me spray coffee all over my monitor.

    I’m down with givin’ a hummer but not with the whole swallowing thing because it makes me nauseous for days afterwards. And I’ve done enough “research” to know it’s not a one-time “didn’t agree with me”. So, there’s the TMI part of the comment. This may be why I have the dysthymia. I’m sorry but I’d rather be depressed than nauseous.
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… I’m so excited!! =-.

  6. Your site could become habitual.

    You’re really meeting up with Melissa Lion tonight? She’ll be sweet as pie in your face.

    Take garlic a silver cross and wood of an Aspen tree.

  7. LMAO… oh goodness, poor husband. And here i was thinking and imagining that your beauty and how radiant you look was due to baby gravy protein but I was wrong.

    Poor husband.. but am i the lucky one who gets his protein taken and enjoyed ? hmmm. seems like it, and i won’t share the secret.

    *eat more fruits
    .-= PorkStar’s last blog post… Grumpy bear =-.

  8. Did Opes announce her retirement so you can take over her show? If so, will you let me sit in the front row when I come to see a live taping of your talk show? I’m so short and deaf that I’d never see or hear anything if you stick me in the back.
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Merry Christmas =-.

  9. Hey Crissy! You done a very fine work! I think I Miss you!!!!!!! I don’t know why but i miss you a a lot.I think having sleep is very must for refreshing evrey thing if you not prepare your sleep it might be low the sex power.Have a good time. bye.

  10. I am hoping to fulfill my one on-campus class this fall. I have taken other courses not in this program via distance at the extension school in the past and did very well. Nobody else out there makes the experience as real as Harvard does via the video lectures. This really makes a difference!

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