We went to Ikea this weekend. I’d have a better title for this but the baby is being a total bag right now because for some reason, she doesn’t want to lay in her crib and stare at her birdie mobile for an hour. Weird.

Morning Queefies!

How was your weekend?

Ours was busy, thanks for asking, and we did many, many shopping things because for some reason, I woke up on Saturday morning and I looked at Mister and said “I feel like bleeding money all weekend long.” And so that is what we did.

We drove up and down and speeded all over:


And I was going to tell you how I went grocery shopping at The Super Wal-Mart and how afterwards, I felt dirtier than if I had blown my grandpa (Ew! Ew! Ew! I hate it when I think things that even acid to the brain cannot erase the mental image.  But it’s worth a try.)  And I know I’m supposed to be boycotting Wal-Mart because that’s what suburban middle class people are supposed to do because Wal-Mart is an evil empire and everything BUT THE PRICES ON ORGANICS ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

Middle class smugacity be damned, Queefs.

And so I went there.  And I bought food.  And then the braintrust cashiers touched Homeslice right on her face and hands!  I whipped my hand sanitizer out and gave her a bath with it right in front of them because the hell were they thinking?

You don’t touch people’s babies.  Especially not my baby because she’s more specialer than all other babies (even yours).

Next time, I’m just going to punch people in the neck when they reach for her.

This seems like a reasonable course of action to me.

And then we went to a few other places, but the most important place was IKEA.


Check out our craptacular toy area in this before picture:


It’s a fucking disaster.

But then we went to Ikea and then we spent the whole day organizing the room, or  Orgnizator Rumm or whatever and so then Look!


Sanford and Son:


Fabular Rumjlung:


And the rug is called “Lusy” and so we had to buy it.

The End.

PS: This post has absolutely nothing to do with that Daily Style section I was telling you about.  I’ve been getting hundreds of emails from people who make shit and want me to pimp it for them (okay, only about 5, but that’s still a lot) but trust me you guys.  You do not want your shit to be featured anywhere near my Daily Style section because when I say “style” I mean hideous atrocities.

PSS: One guy who contacted me makes “art” by putting paint on naked chicks and then smooshing their bodies up against some paper and then he steps away and goes “Look what I made!”  He was very nice and flattering to me and even said that I make the world a better place, which is of course the god’s honest truth, and color me flattered then mash my ass against a canvas, but really? I’m not as into naked chick ass art as you might think.  Surprising, I know.

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