We went to Ikea this weekend. I’d have a better title for this but the baby is being a total bag right now because for some reason, she doesn’t want to lay in her crib and stare at her birdie mobile for an hour. Weird.

Morning Queefies!

How was your weekend?

Ours was busy, thanks for asking, and we did many, many shopping things because for some reason, I woke up on Saturday morning and I looked at Mister and said “I feel like bleeding money all weekend long.” And so that is what we did.

We drove up and down and speeded all over:


And I was going to tell you how I went grocery shopping at The Super Wal-Mart and how afterwards, I felt dirtier than if I had blown my grandpa (Ew! Ew! Ew! I hate it when I think things that even acid to the brain cannot erase the mental image.  But it’s worth a try.)  And I know I’m supposed to be boycotting Wal-Mart because that’s what suburban middle class people are supposed to do because Wal-Mart is an evil empire and everything BUT THE PRICES ON ORGANICS ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

Middle class smugacity be damned, Queefs.

And so I went there.  And I bought food.  And then the braintrust cashiers touched Homeslice right on her face and hands!  I whipped my hand sanitizer out and gave her a bath with it right in front of them because the hell were they thinking?

You don’t touch people’s babies.  Especially not my baby because she’s more specialer than all other babies (even yours).

Next time, I’m just going to punch people in the neck when they reach for her.

This seems like a reasonable course of action to me.

And then we went to a few other places, but the most important place was IKEA.


Check out our craptacular toy area in this before picture:


It’s a fucking disaster.

But then we went to Ikea and then we spent the whole day organizing the room, or  Orgnizator Rumm or whatever and so then Look!


Sanford and Son:


Fabular Rumjlung:


And the rug is called “Lusy” and so we had to buy it.

The End.

PS: This post has absolutely nothing to do with that Daily Style section I was telling you about.  I’ve been getting hundreds of emails from people who make shit and want me to pimp it for them (okay, only about 5, but that’s still a lot) but trust me you guys.  You do not want your shit to be featured anywhere near my Daily Style section because when I say “style” I mean hideous atrocities.

PSS: One guy who contacted me makes “art” by putting paint on naked chicks and then smooshing their bodies up against some paper and then he steps away and goes “Look what I made!”  He was very nice and flattering to me and even said that I make the world a better place, which is of course the god’s honest truth, and color me flattered then mash my ass against a canvas, but really? I’m not as into naked chick ass art as you might think.  Surprising, I know.

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  1. I want a photo tour of your house? inside to the outside. Because so-far it looks like a house in my dreams.

    and who took that photog of you and Mister drivin? O.o
    and all i can see that you bought new was a rug… and maybe an organizing bin? so you just organized the whole room? borrrr-ingggg
    .-= Natballs’s last blog post… Am I Lame? =-.

  2. My husband used to work in wholesale produce sales … and one of his clients was Walmart. Let’s just say the asshole things Walmart does to it suppliers makes me want to puke all over their blue and yellow logo every time I see it. BTW, I’m noticing your blog has blue and yellow all over it, too. What, have you sold out?
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Party =-.

  3. Ew! I can’t believe the people at WalMart touched the baby! They should have known how awesome she is and should have asked at least. It’s so gross when random people just touch your kids. Toy room looks awesome. How much do you charge? I need to decorate the nursery.

  4. I have never been to an IKEA either. I guess I’ve never lived where there was one. But I hear all kinds of things about that place – it’s where money goes to spend itself, right? And everything has weird names.

    Yay for HS to sit up by herself 🙂

    And yes, I hate WalMart too. Have for a while now. But in this town, we have no Target or any other option. So occasionally I have to go in the WalMarts (as they call it here – with an “s”). I went in this weekend and thought I’d look at maternity stuff. THEY HAVE NO MATERNITY section any more. This town has very few places to buy cheap clothes and most of them don’t have maternity stuff. So please tell me, powers that run WalMart in a small southern town, where would you like your poor folks to buy clothes when they are pregnant????

  5. Daisee, I thought I was going nuts! Glad someone else noticed they got rid of the maternity section. They used to have one, right? I had to drive to the nearest town, about an hour, to do some shopping. Sucks ass.

  6. I noticed that your Mister is wearing a fine, gentlemanly hat. I love hats like that, and I want my Mister to wear them, too, because my grandfather wears them and he is the shit, but alas, my Mister is not so fashion-forward as your Mister or my grandfather.

    So tell me, how does one impress upon one’s Mister the importance of nice hats?
    .-= Heidi Renée’s last blog post… Sesame Ginger Stir-Fried Noodles =-.

  7. GASP @ someone touching your baby!!! Especially now days with all the swine germs and stuff.

    IKEA is the best … hope your toy area stays nice and neat like that 🙂

  8. I love, love, love the Ikea even when it rapes my wallet. I’m extremely surprised you’d not do naked ass art. You could be like “my ass made that, it’s talented”.

  9. Toy With Me- Oh no, he said I DO make the world a better place. There was no doubting my greatness. Nobody ever doubts that for a second!

    Update on the toy room: TOTALLY DEMOLISHED. Girlfriend already took all the bins apart and “rearranged” them to her liking. I knew it couldn’t last. That’s why we took pictures.
    .-= crissy’s last blog post… We went to Ikea this weekend. I’d have a better title for this but the baby is being a total bag right now because for some reason, she doesn’t want to lay in her crib and stare at her birdie mobile for an hour. Weird. =-.

  10. i saw a woman at target pushing her baby in a stroller with a bright pink sign attached “do not touch my baby”. i was too scared to even look at the baby after i read that.

  11. Ikea does indeed rock. But also sucks money out of you to even look. Because you cannot just “look”. You must follow the Ikea path. And then eat meatballs.

  12. The first Sonic game blew me away when I was a little kid and when Sonic 2 came out I was first in line to get my hands on the new copy.
    I was not dissapointed by any stretch of the imagination. This game takes what was great about the first one and built on that greatness of that first game and the result is what I consider the best video game of it’s time. I have such fond memories of playing this video gaem that I sometimes cry for the day when this game is back in my house to play again as it’s so wonderful and fun to play.
    The music on this one is another winning video game soundtrack and I can easily remember the music on some of the various video game levels. My favorite of the music was the “Casino Night” zone levels with it’s funky and electric groove beats and colorful melody. That level remains my favorite of the various levels on ALL of the sonic games. I espeically like how they used Pinball flippers to where you can be launched into a slot machine, where you can get bonus prizes like rings, an extra life or on the negative end, you can lose 100 rings if you get three Robotnik symbols from the slot machine.
    This game does the job of continuing the greatness of the first one and building on it.
    A great gaem that is sorely missed these days where video games have declined into gross gorefests.

  13. I know this is way late but I feel the same way about touching my baby. Who the hell told them it’s ok to touch my baby? True story: we were at Wal-Mart and the greeter saw the baby and she left her post to follow us to talk to my wife about baby stuff.

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