Rachel and I always talk about how there are two kinds of people in this world–those who suck dick and those who do not. And then last night over the phone in a vodka fueled conversation (remind me to go check Melissa’s blog later. I may or may not have left a vodka fueled comment there. I don’t remember. Actually, let me do it now. Hold on a second…actually, it’s fine. I don’t have to kill myself. Today.), we made an addendum to that rule. There are now two more kinds of people in this world, Queefies.
Those who eat frosting, and those who don’t.
I have no use for people who don’t eat the frosting with the cake (unless they are willing to give me their frosting and then I can tolerate them) (maybe).
My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law scrape all the frosting off and just eat the dry cake and when I look at them like they’ve lost their everlovin’ minds, one of them says something like “frosting is too rich for me. It’s too sweet.”
(Did you read that in a prissy voice in your head because that’s how I meant it. If you didn’t, you should go back and re-do it because it’s way better if you crinkle up your nose and do it prissy.)
(See? That was better wasn’t it?)
And just so you know, my mother is a badass. She just opens up a can of frosting and has at it. No cake required. Fuck the dumb shit.
And don’t get me wrong, Queefies. I love The Marcy and The Cya and everything, but my relationship with them will always be flawed and we’ll never truly understand each other because really?
The Fuck are you eating cake for if you don’t like frosting? Go have an apple, ass. And pass that fucking cake over this way because I can’t stand to watch you mutilate it like that. Why don’t you just take a shit on it too?
Jeezus.
So tell me Queefies, and be honest.
Do you scrape the frosting off your cake (like a bitch), or do you punch your grandmother in the neck for the corner piece with the rose on it?
(You realize your answer to this question could get you banned from this blog, right?)
Um. Have you noticed this post has garnered the most comments you’ve had this week? That cracks me up! It’s awesome!
k8’s last blog post… Happy Feet Friday
We’re good, Crissy, I love frosting, particularly the cream cheese kind, and the buttercream kind and the whipped cream kind.
I have to admit I go both ways on this issue. The Crisco-based stuff on store-bought cakes is usually too sweet for me and I go for a middle piece or scrape off the flowers, so I eat it but not too much. Plus, I won’t buy canned frosting (too many chemicals in it).
ON THE OTHER HAND….when I make my own frosting—just butter, sugar, vanilla, with cream cheese or chocolate–I can’t get enough. A significant portion stays in the bowl rather than going on the cake, for my personal enjoyment.
So what’s the verdict? Am I kicked off for being a frosting snob? (Noooooooooooo…)
Holy crap 54 comments! Two of the things I can’t get enough of, frosting and sex and on a good night one can have them together
Cake..frosting..i eat the whole damn thing and HATE having to share the frosting bowl with the kids.
lmao @cakefarts
Crissy, this is a lot of comments! You obviously need to feature cake and porn in more of your posts!
I knew cake got me horny, but I didn’t realize it got everyone else all hot in the crotch, too.
stoogepie’s last blog post… CSI: Stoogetown
OMG. I know. I used to get this many comments all the time, but then I started to suck but now I’M BACK BABY!
Do you think I can talk about porn and cake every day Stoogie?
I hope so.
I killed my grandmother over a fucking piece of cake, bitch.
Aunt Becky’s last blog post… Let Me Tell You ‘Bout The Birds And The Bees And Why Mommy Is Snickering Into Her Hand
“The Fuck are you eating cake for if you don’t like frosting? Go have an apple, ass. And pass that fucking cake over this way because I can’t stand to watch you mutilate it like that. Why don’t you just take a shit on it too?”
I’ve had it out over frosting many a time, because really?? How in hell can a desert be too sweet?? LMAO!! I’m not much for commenting, but I must say, that was the best post i’ve ever read. Ever. Long Live The Queen!
Too sweet? Desserts are probably one of the greatest forms of hedonistic pleasure there is, you don’t just halfass that shit.
It’s inhuman I tell you.
Kendall’s last blog post… “Hello Boys and Girls. Welcome to Sesame Street.”
Damn I got in here late…
OK, seriously? What the hell is cake? Ooooo…it’s that stuff that keeps frosting on the fork!!
I want a corner piece with a flower, damnit!!!
And by the way, if the frosting is “too sweet” for you, then just pass on the damn piece of cake and leave it for the rest of us frosting eating queefs!! We deserve it…cuz we are awesome and you suck cuz you don’t like frosting!!!
I think that we need to talk over vodka sodas more often…should we define VT’s as creative license?!
Wait wait wait…. I can eat frosting on a cake and not from the family size tub of Betty Crocker? Seriously, dry cake and no frosting? I usually eat the frosting and then steal it from my kids cake as well.
igster101’s last blog post… Why?
“I have no use for people who don’t eat the frosting with the cake”
This whole conversation is a metaphor for swallowing, right?
i HATE people who leave stuff behind on their plates.
you put it on your plate, you eat it!
[...] and lunchboxes to be like, um, I don’t know…FUNNY? And sort of light and meaningless like the one I wrote about cake frosting, but I’m thinking that because it was related to work and most people hate their jobs and/or [...]
[...] be a right and proper vasectomy party without Rocky Mountain Oysters! And I don’t care what the frosting haters of the world say, there must be a cake decorated with little frosting scrotums and sperms because it’s not [...]