You know what Crissy’s boss showed her last night and now Crissy is dying to try it?

It’s THIS!

It looks pretty awesome if you ask Crissy and if you didn’t ask her you’ve been meaning to.  Crissy feels sort of guilty (Crissy feels sort of guilty about lots of things, like being so much better than everyone it’s part of her gift) that she doesn’t use her Wii Fit, but that’s mostly because it’s stupid.

What is all the fuckery with unlocking workouts?  If Crissy is going to do a workout, she’s going all in, full out, tits to the wall and she doesn’t have time for unlocking shit, you know?  Wii Fit just frustrates Crissy and Crissy is full up with things that frustrate her, thank you.  Crissy is in a constant state of frustration and chaos and if you could hear inside of Crissy’s head it would sound EXACTLY like this:


And maybe even worse than that, probably.  That was kind of lame.

So her blog is a fucking nightmare.  It used to be pretty much the best thing since like, anything awesome, but now?  Meh.

Crissy knows, Queefies.

Babies are a lot of work.

But Crissy is excited about this new Wii thing because it looks like it will maybe even be fun because it has Jenny McCarthy in it and Crissy likes her.  Crissy is a little worried about this body scanning thing though because she feels like her Wii Fit judges her. Like when Crissy would miss a workout, it noticed and gave her a rash of shit about it.  Crissy is hard enough on herself, Wii.  That’s also one of her gifts, so she doesn’t need you to tell her she missed a workout.  She knows already so don’t make Crissy unplug you and feed you to her Liger:


Just kidding.  Big Pussy isn’t really a Liger. But he wants to be and that’s the point Crissy is trying to make.

So when the Wii Your Shape thing scans Crissy’s body, will it say mean stuff to her about her assical area and Oh! My god do you think it will notice her low knee situation?

There’s only one way to find out if the Wii Your Shape thing is stupid or not, Queefies.

Somebody needs to send Crissy one.

Here he is trying on Crissy’s Gothic Lolita Halloween costume skirt which HE made after HE came up with the idea and went to the fabric store and bought all the stuff for it.  After he saw how much fun Crissy was having in it, he rolled up and bitch slapped her and took the skirt away! And he was all, “bitch, that’s my tutu!  You get your own!”




PS:He purchased his very own pair of skinny jeans so he won’t be borrowing Crissy’s anymore. There were fights, it wasn’t cute.

PPS: It’s time to go and vote for Crissy in the Blogger’s Choice Awards because it ends really soon and if Crissy loses she will blame you assholes.  Don’t get mad.  There are a lot of people who read Crissy’s blog and some of you are bound to be assholes.  It’s called statistics, Queefies, so don’t get mad at Crissy. Get mad at math and your parents for making you assholes.  And Crissy’s not talking about YOU lovely Queefs who voted for her and who will now get sluts and/or chocolates in heaven.  She’s talking about the people who come here every day and DO NOTHING.


and then get all your asshole friends to do it too.

PPPS: YES WE CAN! Obama said Crissy could use that for her campaign. (Crissy had to look up how to spell campaign) (Shut up.)

PPPPS: Since Mister is gay now, Crissy is looking for a new boyfriend.  Eligible candidates must be willing to get Crissy a new car and also turn the fucking heat on in Crissy’s house because it’s 53 degrees in Crissy’s bedroom and Homeslice is gonna turn into a frozen novelty baby treat.

PPPPPS: Crissy is sorry she called you assholes, assholes, but you kind of deserve it.

PPPPPPS: Crissy forgot to say (because Crissy is kind of an asshole) to VOTE FOR MISTER TOO!!! That way, Crissy and Mister can be a power couple, and as such will be pretty fucking unstoppable.  So what if Mister is having relations with his secret boyfriend?  Isn’t that what power couples do anyway?

Conversation with Lynne about Girlfriend’s school fundraiser:

Lynne: How was your weekend?

Crissy: Fine. You have to buy a candle from my kid’s school fundraiser so she can learn how to write with like, real paper and pencils instead of scratching letters into the carpet with her fingernails.

Lynne: I’ll buy a fucking candle; I’m not buying from anyone else so consider yourself privileged.

Crissy: Thanks for buying a fucking candle.  My kid won’t be illiterate now because of your generous candle buying.

Lynne: Where are said candles?

Crissy: Catalog on break room table.

Lynne: Oh ok.  I shall purchase one tomorrow.  If it stinks, your ass is grass.

Crissy: If the candles stink, I’m giving it to you as a Secret Santa gift. You better hope I don’t pick you this year because that’s what you’re getting. If my kid grows up to be illiterate, it’s your fault.

Lynne: I said I’d buy one.  I’m even going to get a $15 one so shut off.

Crissy: You’re only buying ONE? I’m beginning to question your level of devotion to me.

Lynne: I have candles coming out my eyeballs at home.  I have a kid in college, man.  Cut me some slack.

Crissy: Fine.

Lynne: If I buy two I won’t be able to pay my mortgage; do you want that on your conscience?

Crissy: I don’t care about your problems.

Lynne: I thought not.

Crissy: I just looked at an entry in the catalog that said Depression Pottery and I thought “Who makes pottery when they’re depressed?” and then I realized it meant Depression ERA Pottery. I think I may be the victim of zombification, which, as you know is a real problem at this time of year.

Lynne: Depression Pottery; you make it then you break it and slit your wrists with it.

Crissy: Depression Pottery: Healthier than Vodka Sodas.

Crissy would tell you more about what happened after that, but it’s too much.  There’s a lot that goes on at the library, obviously.  And since nobody is probably going to comment on this because what is there to comment on, really, Crissy will include Lynne’s suggestion for Mister’s Halloween costume which took Crissy forever to find this morning, but when she doesn’t want to find it, it comes up by accident like in front of Girlfriend who saw it and said “hahahahaha!  She’s kissing a PENIS!” and it made Crissy want to die a little bit:

There’s nothing like a precocious four-year-old to put Crissy’s rather impressive screen minimizing skills to the test, Queefies.  Come to think of it, maybe Crissy doesn’t want Girlfriend to learn how to read.  Around here, that would probably be a very bad thing.