Here is Crissy in her tutu.
She had to distract Mister with a bottle of nail polish for his nails so she could put it on. He was sobbing on the floor in the fetal position, clutching the tutu. Crissy had to do something to get it away from him.
Here he is in his Goth Boy outfit:
Crissy thinks he enjoyed putting on lipstick and eyeliner a little too much, and you can’t tell in this picture, but his nails came out really pretty.
Here is a picture of the party at Crissy’s friend Gina’s ad agency.
And here is Gina who Crissy has known since elementary school:
Crissy hadn’t seen her in eleventy million years and she looks prettier than your friend Gina.
(This is fascinating isn’t it?)
This costume has to be the best thing Crissy has ever seen, but it was also scarier than a hockey mask and a chain saw because when Crissy was just a wee little Crissy, she was terrified of these things on Sesame Street. And when they walked in, Crissy sort of grabbed the Wonder Woman she was talking to and hid behind her a little bit.
Scary. Mother. Fuckers.
Wonder Woman could totally kick a yip yip’s ass, right? Crissy needs to know just in case she ever finds herself in this situation again.
Thank God Crissy didn’t see any clowns there because she would have been out of there but then she remembered there was wine and so she did that instead of running away.
Crissy also bumped into another friend from elementary school (actually TWO other friends from elementary school but she doesn’t have a picture of the other one) because Rhode Islanders DO NOT LEAVE THE STATE. EVER:
And Crissy isn’t afraid to tell the Queefs that she felt like a little bit of a loser because here’s Gina who is prettier than all other Ginas and owns an Ad Agency, and here’s Amy who is also pretty with a cute haircut and is a lawyer, and here’s Crissy who is super pretty but has done nothing since Grad school and when asked what she is up to now, Crissy babbled some nonsense about her blog and Hottest Mommy Blogger and being Queen of Fucking Everything and no, not Queen of Fucking Everything and then she spilled wine on her tutu.
Very. Impressive. Crissy.
Almost as impressive as Crissy’s betutued ass going up the stairs to Gina’s studio.
Or Crissy’s chestical area at the dessert table:
Actually, Crissy’s tits were probably the most impressive thing about her, either that or it was the tutu, and next time she goes to a party and accidentally stumbles into an elementary school reunion, she’s just going to point to her tits and say absolutely nothing because that would have been better.
Crissy shouldn’t be allowed out in public, obviously.