Jenny McCarthy will rue the day she laughs at Crissy’s low knee situation!

You know what Crissy’s boss showed her last night and now Crissy is dying to try it?

It’s THIS!

It looks pretty awesome if you ask Crissy and if you didn’t ask her you’ve been meaning to.  Crissy feels sort of guilty (Crissy feels sort of guilty about lots of things, like being so much better than everyone it’s part of her gift) that she doesn’t use her Wii Fit, but that’s mostly because it’s stupid.

What is all the fuckery with unlocking workouts?  If Crissy is going to do a workout, she’s going all in, full out, tits to the wall and she doesn’t have time for unlocking shit, you know?  Wii Fit just frustrates Crissy and Crissy is full up with things that frustrate her, thank you.  Crissy is in a constant state of frustration and chaos and if you could hear inside of Crissy’s head it would sound EXACTLY like this:

JOPURT[3489375-9JDKNMBOIU789T73-98759N$&@*%%(%*&!@#(&%)()(#*%jfnmilU94O85HJnIUOJ’OIRGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And maybe even worse than that, probably.  That was kind of lame.

So her blog is a fucking nightmare.  It used to be pretty much the best thing since like, anything awesome, but now?  Meh.

Crissy knows, Queefies.

Babies are a lot of work.

But Crissy is excited about this new Wii thing because it looks like it will maybe even be fun because it has Jenny McCarthy in it and Crissy likes her.  Crissy is a little worried about this body scanning thing though because she feels like her Wii Fit judges her. Like when Crissy would miss a workout, it noticed and gave her a rash of shit about it.  Crissy is hard enough on herself, Wii.  That’s also one of her gifts, so she doesn’t need you to tell her she missed a workout.  She knows already so don’t make Crissy unplug you and feed you to her Liger:

_MG_4595

Just kidding.  Big Pussy isn’t really a Liger. But he wants to be and that’s the point Crissy is trying to make.

So when the Wii Your Shape thing scans Crissy’s body, will it say mean stuff to her about her assical area and Oh! My god do you think it will notice her low knee situation?

There’s only one way to find out if the Wii Your Shape thing is stupid or not, Queefies.

Somebody needs to send Crissy one.



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31 comments

  1. assical is my new favorite word.

    now, i have to ask.. instead of you having “low knees,” is it possible that you have “high hips?” because that just sounds better. sexy even!

    also, if any search engines are listening, dooce sucks.

  2. LOL @ Pimp!!!

    Yes Dooce does suk. Like really, she’s not even funny.
    Crissy is funny. Crissy is entertaining and Crissy always makes me smile.

    Dooce don’t even let you comment on some of her shit and then posts the hate mail just to make a profit. And maybe she should shut up already about losing her job cuz of her stupid web site cuz it was like a gazillion years ago!

    Anyway, I read your posts everyday and never comment … or almost never so ya … i’m one of the assholes but hey I did vote for you … a long time ago 🙂

    Good luck with the Wii … If I had an extra one, i’d send it to ya but as it stands I don’t even have one … but I do have a treadmill that my children love to use as monkeybars 🙂

    Have a lovely day Crissy!!

  3. I don’t know if I could take the judgment of a body scan. It’ll be all honest and shit, only without handing me any tissues. I don’t think I could handle it. I’ll stick with my fun house mirror.

    p.s. I voted (for Crissy and Mister). I don’t think I’ll be making it to heaven, may I have my chocolates now, please?
    .-= chicken lips’s last blog post… sweetness =-.

  4. So you didn’t hear it from me, but the gossip at the deli counter yesterday was that Vinny is newly single… The girls were all worked up. Personally, I always thought he went both ways… He’s always asking me how thick I like my meat.

  5. I definitely couldn’t handle the body scan thing. I’m too ashamed to even put on any workout clothes at the moment. Course, it has everything to do with the fact that I’m almost 5 months pregnant but look like I’m due any day (doc says it’s normal, but I think I’ve got the jolly green giant in there!) and I’m in that blob-y feel gross stage. Let me know how it goes…it might be cool to look into once I get into better shape!

    Also, assical is an awesome word!

  6. There’s no way I’m letting some scanning device judge me and all my bodily flaws, especially my assical area. In fact, I hate my Wii fit, the board makes a weird grunting sound when I step on it, and it comes on and says shit like “why don’t you eat another Twinkie you fat fuck” and shit like that. I’m all set with that.
    .-= Lynne’s last blog post… How was my weekend, not so great, thanks for asking. =-.

  7. Low knees? No, no. They are sexy knees. They are lower so you can see them in short skirts.

    And you make me want to work out. I’m not convinced yet, but everytime you post a workout tape, I’m closer to it. Yes. I. Am. And if that doesn’t make you hot, then I don’t know what does. The power to make me work out? That’s some serious power.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… New =-.

  8. marina: i don’t really think dooce sucks–in fact, i don’t really have an opinion at all about her site since i abhor crowds–but i cannot ignore the steady flow of traffic that comes from people searching the internet for the phrase “dooce sucks.”

    most of them end up here: How come Doosh gets to be on Oprah and Crissy doesn’t?, and then proceed to jerk off about some such thing, never to be seen again.

    nonetheless, traffic is traffic, and i’ll take unique hits any time i can get them.

    why? because that’s what good pimps do–you can’t turn a trick if nobody even drives down the street.

    did i mention dooce sucks?

  9. First off, I volunteer to be the wall. Second, I’m not a doctor but I work with gynecologist, and I think the “low knee” condition is common among Adult Film Actresses, so… good for Mister. Finally, Big Pussy is a boy?!?!? How did I miss that??? Keep up the great posts! Love em! See you tomorrow at TWM.

  10. Yes, Pimp. It’s weird that everyone searching for Dooce sucks finds me. Very curious, indeed. I don’t think I ever said Dooce sucks. Did I every say Dooce sucks? I think I’d remember if I said Dooce sucks. Saying Dooce sucks is not something I think I would forget.

    And why would her loyal Doocebags be searching for that anyway unless they secretly think Dooce sucks and would really like to talk about it?

  11. Oh my fucking god, have you ever noticed how the Wii fit will MAKE YOUR WII FAT?! Like… I was doing it when I first got pregnant.. and was slowly gaining weight… and there was no way I could tell the Wii I was pregnant. and it kept chastising me and making my Wii fatter and fatter.
    I haven’t done it since December. fucking japanese wii people.
    .-= Natballs’s last blog post… Bloggareah =-.

  12. I do not have a Wii Fit because I worry that I will step on the board and then the Wii will say “Oh My GOD… GODZILLA is doing fitness now?” Although having my little Mii be a Godzilla might be sortve awesome. I don’t like my workout to insult me.

    I got Yoga For Regular Guys (and Gals) which kicks my ass but I get to look at Diamond Dallas Page so that makes it worth it. SQUUUUUEEEZE those glutes! BANG!
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… =-.

  13. Ok, that’s a bad idea. The LAST thing I need is our Wii gettin’ all Judgy-Judgington on me.

    The Wii racket will meet the Wii eyeball camera thinger.

    Now that would be fun.
    .-= Ream o Rama’s last blog post… New funny =-.

  14. hmmm…I am a Dooce skeptic. It seems since the advent of Crissy, Dooce has gone totally towards the ways of the swearing and the bourbon–a look that only a QOFE or one of her kind can truly pull off without looking like we’re trying too hard.

    Did I say we? Yes. I Did.

    A toast to you my fair Crissy! I miss the shit out of you! *Takes shot in one gulp and preps for afternoon kindergarten*

  15. the wii is too cheery for me. i need someone yelling at me if i’m going to work out. gillian michaels is nice and yelly – i like it that way. (that’s what she said?)
    .-= Alice’s last blog post… *pause* =-.

  16. I always felt like the Wii Fit was really a cover-up for the Japanese laughing their asses off at us fat-ass Americans. So, I turned it off and haven’t used it since. Tokyo, you’re no better than Chicago – we both lost the bid to host the Olympic Games. Take that!
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Conversations =-.

  17. I doubt they have a Wii Fit large enough to scan over-sized body. Instead of criticizing me, the thing would probably overheat and break in sheer laughter.

  18. I like this systems! The web site says the system will lose your weight and gain you muscles in no time. It appears that I don’t have to do a thing, it will do it all for me. Woohoo! Where do I sign up?
    .-= Dingo’s last blog post… I’m Totally RAD =-.

  19. I want a Wii Dick Workout. It can dick-scan me. And it can criticize my dick and my form, too. “You’re cock is too fat! Use your wrist, dude!” I would be okay with that. Where is the advanced dick technology the Japanese have been promising me all these years?

    Did you say Dooce sucks? Well, Obama, balloon boy, NASCAR, swine flu, and poker. I already mentioned porn. Wait, did you say Dooce sucks?
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… CSI: Stoogetown =-.

  20. Set aside the Dooce douchery going on here for a moment and let’s take a look at Chrissie’s weblog content. Darlin’, if you have an English degree and you don’t use it, fine. If it blows your skirt up to write a self-involved, non-stop diatribe using a persona ostensibly that of a grown woman who refers to herself in third person and uses sentence structure sprinkled with “poopy dust” language consistent with the third grade, that’s fine too. But shut up already about the Dooce bitchin’. Your ass is on constant display here, and it ain’t pretty, Hottest Mommy Blogger notwithstanding, because it’s green, really green in color, you know, like with envy?

    Am I a fan of Dooce? Yes. She is not, however, my goddess of domesticity and like all writers her content quality is not 100% daily. Whose is? But goddam she’s funny. Like laugh out loud, tears running down your legs funny. You, on the other hand, have your looks and petulance, LORD do you have petulance, third grader petulance. Pull your lip in sweety and start applying what you learned in class to improve the quality of your website. Oh yeah, just because you’ve got your head up your ass? It doesn’t count as self-introspection. But perhaps you’re smart enought to figure that out by yourself. Let’s hope so since your raising a human being and the thought of her imprinting on your personality as presented here is horrifying.

    Check back with you in about a year’s time. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

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