Random bunch of crap

Crissy had trouble sleeping last night and she was awake thinking about the state of things in her life and it seems to Crissy that things are going along just swimmingly, thanks for asking, but there are, however, a few complaints which Crissy will describe for you here because you are Crissy’s therapists.

Why does the baby always throw up on Crissy’s hands?  She hits them every. single. time. and now Crissy thinks her nickname should be “old barf hands.”

Crissy only sneezes just after she has applied mascara, leaving her with mascara under her eyes instead of on her lashes where it belongs.   Crissy does not have time to deal with this shit.

Why are dog farts only slightly less offensive to Crissy than people farts?  Maybe Crissy just likes dogs better than people.

Yesterday Crissy heard “I told you so” from Girlfriend and while she did not do the “I told you so” dance from Will and Grace, Crissy is still irritated because how did Crissy become so stupid that a four- year- old knows better than her? She was right, she told Crissy so, and Crissy didn’t listen.

Crissy would like to open a hair salon and call it “Blow Job’s.”

While getting dressed yesterday morning, Girlfriend put on a new shirt and exclaimed “This smells like shit!  I can’t wear this!” and instead of being mad that she said “shit,” Crissy was just impressed at the sentence and perfect usage of the word.  She did not scold Girlfriend.  This will inevitably come back to haunt Crissy.

Why is it that Mister has time to participate on Flickr, Facebook, Simler, various message boards AND read the Sookie Stackhouse books, while Crissy has ten minutes to write her blog in the morning, she has to beg for time to write her Toy With Me stories, and has only found time to read TWO pages of Sookie Stackhouse in the past three weeks? This seems unfair to Crissy.

How is it possible to gain 3lbs IN ONE DAY?



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20 comments

  1. At least she is throwing up on your hands which are easy to wash and not your clothes or my favorite, my hair which was Nicole’s favorite to vomit on.

  2. Shelly and QOFE, I am the same too! I sometimes even end up crying myself to sleep because I get so overwhelmed by the voices and crap in my head. Do they make a pill to shut that stuff off or what??

    And also, babies barf? Great. I can’t wait.

  3. We have a salon like that here in Michigan. Its called Lady Jane’s Haircuts for Men. And there are flatscreen TVes, pool tables and women with big tatas who cut hair for an ungodly amount of money. They wont even let other women walk into the salon, though I know a few men who’ve walked in there.

  4. You know, if you put Homeslice in one of those oversized hamster globes and just roll her around the house, you wouldn’t have to touch her as much. It would minimize the barf hands.
    .-= Dingo’s last blog post… I’m Totally RAD =-.

  5. I’m gonna second Dingo’s hamster ball suggestion. At the end of the day, you open the ball, wash baby, wash ball and you’re ready for the next day with a minimum of having to deal with the sticky,squishy “stuff” that comes with having a baby around.

    Yay for Mister having his “procedure” scheduled.

    And yeah, some nights it takes FOREVER to quiet the crazy enough to get some sleep.
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Insomnia Ramblings =-.

  6. My three all liked to puke down the back of my suits or dress shirts. I lost more than a few ties as well. It was never the work around the house clothes that set them off, just the expensive stuff.

    Mad props to GF for the outstaning grammer. Her teachers must be so proud, because we all know it is the teachers that educate our kids, not we parents.

    –> Mister, I am sure you would agree that excellent time management skills and outstanding delegation are the keys to getting things done.

    –> Kaitlyn is it just me or does the owner of Lady Jane’s sound like he is drunk on every radio ad?

  7. Well Crissy I have been lurking for a while and I think now it’s time to delurk because oh my god your are living my same life but on the other side of the country. So I pick up my daughter from school the other day and she says she was blowing bubbles and one popped in her eye. “And it burned like a bitch.” Well how could I yell at her for that? I mean bubbles do burn like a bitch when they pop in your eye. She was just speaking the truth right? So Crissy, from one queen to another, have a fab day. I heart u.
    .-= April’s last blog post… Downtown! Everything’s Waiting for Yoooouuu! =-.

  8. Random crap from a reader:

    Today I scared my cat with the vacuum cleaner.

    Today I baked cookies with my kids and instead of eating a healthy and nutritious lunch, they ate raw cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.

    Today, I washed the whites with the colored clothing all together. Made me feel all smug like I had brought together the races.

    Today, I wanted to put my son in his crib 14 THOUSAND times because all he did was cry, cry, cry.

  9. But did Girlfriend’s shirt really smell like shit?

    I think that if I could pick a place on my body for a baby to throw up on, it would probably be my hands. It’s easy to wash your hands. Imagine if she always barfed on your boobs or in your mouth or down the back of your pants. So I don’t see why you are complaining. And think of this: you carried that baby around for nine months and that whole time, whenever she had to throw up, she vomited inside of you. And then you, in turn, vomited that second-hand puke, probably on your hands. It sounds very sexy the way I describe it, but that is merely my magical way with prose. In real life, it’s probably not as intensely hot as it sounds.
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… CSI: Stoogetown =-.

  10. Ok, this one is going to pull me out of lurkdom also!

    Random crap floats around my noggin too! And sadly, I think it’s hereditary….my father takes sleeping pills to stop his random crap.

    >>John, Not just you on Lady Jane’s owner! And our teachers would LIKE us to think THEY teach our kids!!

    >>>How weird is it that I hooked my kid on the most awesome blog on the internets???

  11. >>> John, yeah, he does sound drunk but I’m not suprised. I’m not even suprised that they don’t have any business. What man would go to get a haircut for that amount of money when they could stay home and pay their wife/girlfriend/mistress/baby momma to wear a skimpy shirt and cut their hair.

    >>> Stoogiepie, ew to that last comment. *shudders* If I’ve ever wanted little menaces around, u’ve pretty much killed it. But that’s okay, I couldn’t possibly handle those bundles of blubber in my life right now.

  12. If I had big tatas, I’d cut men’s hair for a lot of money. That seems like a good choice to me. Also, I bought a bra yesterday in my normal size and I bought it without trying it on and I got it home and it was baggy on me. This has been going through my head lately. My pretty boobs are shrinking. Ugh.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Two Great Ways to Talk to Me =-.

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