Crissy had trouble sleeping last night and she was awake thinking about the state of things in her life and it seems to Crissy that things are going along just swimmingly, thanks for asking, but there are, however, a few complaints which Crissy will describe for you here because you are Crissy’s therapists.
Why does the baby always throw up on Crissy’s hands? She hits them every. single. time. and now Crissy thinks her nickname should be “old barf hands.”
Crissy only sneezes just after she has applied mascara, leaving her with mascara under her eyes instead of on her lashes where it belongs. Crissy does not have time to deal with this shit.
Why are dog farts only slightly less offensive to Crissy than people farts? Maybe Crissy just likes dogs better than people.
Yesterday Crissy heard “I told you so” from Girlfriend and while she did not do the “I told you so” dance from Will and Grace, Crissy is still irritated because how did Crissy become so stupid that a four- year- old knows better than her? She was right, she told Crissy so, and Crissy didn’t listen.
Crissy would like to open a hair salon and call it “Blow Job’s.”
While getting dressed yesterday morning, Girlfriend put on a new shirt and exclaimed “This smells like shit! I can’t wear this!” and instead of being mad that she said “shit,” Crissy was just impressed at the sentence and perfect usage of the word. She did not scold Girlfriend. This will inevitably come back to haunt Crissy.
Why is it that Mister has time to participate on Flickr, Facebook, Simler, various message boards AND read the Sookie Stackhouse books, while Crissy has ten minutes to write her blog in the morning, she has to beg for time to write her Toy With Me stories, and has only found time to read TWO pages of Sookie Stackhouse in the past three weeks? This seems unfair to Crissy.
How is it possible to gain 3lbs IN ONE DAY?