So Crissy got to work yesterday and drank the shit out of a can of diet coke and ate three little candy bars so quickly she did not wait to finish the first one before she got the wrapper off the next one and so about twenty minutes into her work afternoon, Crissy had a caffiene and sugar buzz like you’re reading about and she was just getting ready to settle in and do some work when her phone rang. “Oh! How weird. It’s from the Trustees’s Room. Why might the Trustees be calling me?” Crissy wondered. And it was Lynne calling from the staff meeting wondering if Crissy was planning to show up or just stay at her desk and eat candy.
Crissy said to Lynne and then she ran upstairs to the meeting, feeling like kind of an asshole.
Remember Crissy said she had a sugar buzz?
And so she was a little out of sorts in much the same way a monkey on speedballs would be and she sort of burst into the room and upon entering loudly announced “Sorry I’m late! I don’t even know what day it is. I’m not taking any notes, I’m just here for the food.”
And everyone laughed but really, Crissy was serious.
And the meeting started and blah, blah, blah, something something budget, something something books, delicious cake, something something, AUTISTIC KID VOLUNTEER.
There is an autistic kid named Steven, Queefies, who volunteers sometimes and he works near Crissy and the other day he was at the library and he’s a sweet kid and everything and Crissy isn’t so much amused by the kid but by what the kid says.
There is a difference.
At least there is to Crissy so don’t get mad. Or get mad, Crissy doesn’t care because she doesn’t mean it to be mean she’s just telling a story WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT CRISSY?
Anyway, Crissy has maybe never told you this before but she’s scared of retarded people and other types of mentally challenged individuals, mostly because they are unpredictable and Crissy doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s sort of the same way she’s scared of clowns and things that spin too fast. You can never tell what’s going to happen! It’s terrifying! And so Crissy was a little bit freaked out while he was there and she was very happy he had an aid with him and you know what Queefies? The kid was funny.
He was all, “EGGS! I Like EGGS FOR BREAKFAST! I need PROTEIN for STRONG MUSCLES! I Like EGGS! HAVE THEM FOR BREAKFAST!” and “WILL SOMEBODY SHUT. HIM. UP!!!” and the one that about had Crissy fall off her chair was “bumpy bumpy funny dish? Bumpy bumpy FART?” and he said it over and over again and of course Crissy emailed Lynne the whole time with updates on how it was going and everything and so when it came up at the staff meeting and everyone looked at Crissy to see if she had met him yet, Crissy had a very, very hard time not. laughing.
For some reason, when Crissy gets into a situation when laughing is totally notfuckingcool, Crissy laughs.
She tries so hard not to, but Crissy is the kind of person who laughs during lectures, weddings, firings, executions, budget meetings, funerals, whatever.
Crissy has very little self control, clearly, and so she could not look at Lynne because Lynne would have made a face at Crissy which would have probably put Crissy under the table in an over-caffeinated, sugar and tense stuffy meeting fit of hysterics. And Crissy wound up sitting for the rest of the meeting trying to think about very sad things like dead kittens and…stirrup pants because she knew that if she let go, it would be very, very bad.
But Crissy is a little bit confused and she needs the Queefs to help her. Is it okay to laugh when someone doesn’t know they’re being funny because normally, Crissy would be laughing with Steven, you know, if he knew he was being funny but he didn’t know he was being funny and Crissy is clearly not one to know when laughter is the appropriate reaction and so tell her.
Is that like, really
Is Crissy going to hell for this (among other things, obviously)?