Bumpy, bumpy, funny dish. Bumpy, bumpy FART?

So Crissy got to work yesterday and drank the shit out of a can of diet coke and ate three little candy bars so quickly she did not wait to finish the first one before she got the wrapper off the next one and so about twenty minutes into her work afternoon, Crissy had a caffiene and sugar buzz like you’re reading about and she was just getting ready to settle in and do some work when her phone rang.  “Oh! How weird. It’s from the Trustees’s Room.  Why might the Trustees be calling me?” Crissy wondered.  And it was Lynne calling from the staff meeting wondering if Crissy was planning to show up or just stay at her desk and eat candy.


Crissy said to Lynne and then she ran upstairs to the meeting, feeling like kind of an asshole. 

Remember Crissy said she had a sugar buzz?


And so she was a little out of sorts in much the same way a monkey on speedballs would be and she sort of burst into the room and upon entering loudly announced “Sorry I’m late! I don’t even know what day it is. I’m not taking any notes, I’m just here for the food.”
And everyone laughed but really, Crissy was serious.

And the meeting started and blah, blah, blah, something something budget, something something books, delicious cake, something something, AUTISTIC KID VOLUNTEER.

There is an autistic kid named Steven, Queefies, who volunteers sometimes and he works near Crissy and the other day he was at the library and he’s a sweet kid and everything and Crissy isn’t so much amused by the kid but by what the kid says.

There is a difference.

At least there is to Crissy so don’t get mad. Or get mad, Crissy doesn’t care because she doesn’t mean it to be mean she’s just telling a story WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT CRISSY?

Anyway, Crissy has maybe never told you this before but she’s scared of retarded people and other types of mentally challenged individuals, mostly because they are unpredictable and Crissy doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s sort of the same way she’s scared of clowns and things that spin too fast. You can never tell what’s going to happen! It’s terrifying! And so Crissy was a little bit freaked out while he was there and she was very happy he had an aid with him and you know what Queefies? The kid was funny.

He was all, “EGGS! I Like EGGS FOR BREAKFAST! I need PROTEIN for STRONG MUSCLES! I Like EGGS! HAVE THEM FOR BREAKFAST!” and “WILL SOMEBODY SHUT. HIM. UP!!!” and the one that about had Crissy fall off her chair was “bumpy bumpy funny dish? Bumpy bumpy FART?” and he said it over and over again and of course Crissy emailed Lynne the whole time with updates on how it was going and everything and so when it came up at the staff meeting and everyone looked at Crissy to see if she had met him yet, Crissy had a very, very hard time not. laughing.

For some reason, when Crissy gets into a situation when laughing is totally notfuckingcool, Crissy laughs.

She tries so hard not to, but Crissy is the kind of person who laughs during lectures, weddings, firings, executions, budget meetings, funerals, whatever.

Crissy has very little self control, clearly, and so she could not look at Lynne because Lynne would have made a face at Crissy which would have probably put Crissy under the table in an over-caffeinated, sugar and tense stuffy meeting fit of hysterics. And Crissy wound up sitting for the rest of the meeting trying to think about very sad things like dead kittens and…stirrup pants because she knew that if she let go, it would be very, very bad.

But Crissy is a little bit confused and she needs the Queefs to help her. Is it okay to laugh when someone doesn’t know they’re being funny because normally, Crissy would be laughing with Steven, you know, if he knew he was being funny but he didn’t know he was being funny and Crissy is clearly not one to know when laughter is the appropriate reaction and so tell her.

Is that like, really


Is Crissy going to hell for this (among other things, obviously)?

Similar Posts:


  1. I laugh at inappropriate times, too, so I might not be the best one to come to for advice on this particular subject.

    But I will make sure to eat a ton of candy bars and drink a diet coke before my next staff meeting. I might even throw a cigarette in for good measure…

    …oh, wait…I quit smoking 7 months ago. Damn it all to hell.
    .-= Zan’s last blog post… TMI Thursday: Anal, The Aftermath =-.

  2. I can’t say if it’s appropriate – but I do the same thing. I laugh totally at the WRONG time – usually slightly hysterically, or I sit around with a slightly creepy grin, trying NOT to burst out laughing. It’s worse when you know (know!) you shouldn’t but can’t help it anyway. It’s not my fault. This is my story and I’m sticking to it.
    .-= Sam’s last blog post… A True Survivor =-.

  3. In our house, we don’t say the retardeds. We just call them leprechauns. There are some days when it feels like leprechauns are everywhere. And we keep dropping the l-bomb. And people look at us funny. And we laugh at them because they don’t know what we’re talking about. When, in fact, we’re talking about them. It’s a fun little game we play over here. Want to come over?
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Goals =-.

  4. ooo that’s a good technique, nilsa.

    leprechauns. they’re EVERYWHERE!!!

    seriously, though, i think it’s ok to laugh when they do funny stuff like blurt out inappropriate phrases and such.

    is it more polite to act like they’re NOT EVEN THERE?

    fuck that.

    you do something funny, i laugh, the circle closes.

  5. I think it’s ok to laugh. He probably feels worse that you don’t laugh. Stop being mean to the library leprechaun.

  6. LEPRECHAUNS! I love it! I’m totally stealing that one Nilsa. Sorry.

    I can’t help you here because I tend to laugh at awkward moments too. Yanno like when you see a middle aged man in the elevator with his zipper down and you get this massive smile on your face and want to point and laugh and the elevator is full of people…

    …not that this has happened to me or anything…
    .-= Marie’s last blog post… Being Happy =-.

  7. I’m the last person to determine what is and what isn’t appropriate. What I can say is that I feel the same way when it comes to those that are …. challenged. Yes, they’re unpredictable and I also believe they have super human strength. And don’t even get me started on spit. Why so much god damn spit?! And why does it have the consistency of spider webs?
    .-= Miss Spoken’s last blog post… The Shopkeeper Review & Giveaway =-.

  8. Hmmm, that is quite the problem. I think that it is ok to laugh at things that you think are funny. It is a ‘natural’ response, if not a coping mechanism, right?

    But, as someone who has a family member with Downs, please stop using derrogatory language for them. I totally don’t want to be a buzzkill, but that just plain sucks.

  9. Retarded people scare me, too. Like the dude who works at the Pubelix near me and whenever I buy a magazine he starts yelling about WHO LOVES JUSTEEN TIMBURLOCK? I DOOOO.

    You type really big run-on stentences, which cause me to read them super rushed, because I feel like you’re rushing, which makes me rush to read them.
    .-= Natalie’s last blog post… Rock-A-Bye Baby =-.

  10. This reminds me of a leprechaun who ate pretty regularly with his parents at the restaurant I used to work at. His mom was kind of odd so we think that he was a GENETIC leprechaun. ANYWAY, when he was done eating he would hand you his plate and ask, “I did good, yes? I did good. Yes? Good?” and so help you GOD you had better agree with him, because he would continue to ask you until he got the correct answers. Which was YES. Not ‘sure’ or ‘you did a great job’ or ‘you really could have eaten more of your broccoli,’ but YES.

    But the icing on the cake was when he came out of the bathroom once, announcing to the whole restaurant, “I got brown in my pants, yes? But it’s ok, Dad says we can go home and get new pants. I got brown in my pants but it’s ok. Yes. Ok.”
    .-= saratogajean’s last blog post… 3, no make that 2, items of business =-.

  11. I’m one to laugh at inappropriate times myself. Don’t even ask me about my sister’s ex husband’s mother’s funeral. (say that 5 times fast!) It was terrible. Anyway – it probably wouldn’t hurt to ask his aid since she’s the one that spends time with him? I mean, she’d probably know why he’s saying certain things. I’m sure the aid (she or he) could help you understand him more — maybe even give you a few pointers on how to crack him up as well!

  12. Your going to hell and I’ll meet you there. But it won’t be for laughing at leprechauns, funny is funny and it would be rude not to acknowledge it by laughing.

  13. I sit next to an autistic guy at school who is exactly like that! He drives me insane and amuses the hell out of me at the same time. He’s great but I am so going to hell.

  14. I can only say, having worked briefly with developmentally delayed folks that if you laugh most of the time they will have no clue WHY you’re laughing because whatever it is that they are saying makes perfect sense to them. Autistic folk can be prone to repetition, it helps them feel like they’re in control and so, in my book, that’s a good thing. And I would say if they’re having him volunteer in a library, there is little to worry about in the way of unpredictability that would have a bad outcome. In other words, no worries, my Queen.
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Sunday Coffeehouse Post =-.

  15. Crissy,
    I work with autistic kids every day and am taking courses to get certified (not that way!) as a Special Ed teacher. Many AS (autism spectrum) kids know when they’re being funny. Many repeat things as mentioned by MsDarkstar for comfort. Many, if not all, have a wicked funny sense of humor and will share their humor with you when they’re comfortable. I could tell you many many many stories about kids with autism that would have you in tears. In a good way, I swear. Anyway, if the aid is there, they are duty bound to step in if the kids tweaks, so now worries.

  16. You are so funny! I’m so glad Aunt Becky linked to your Toy With Me blog because you my friend are bookmarked! As long as his mom, friends, and of course HE doesn’t find out…laugh all you want. It’s good for company morale.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *