Now rich kids can own a homeless girl of their very own!

The other day Crissy saw on the news that the American Girl doll people are now making a doll that’s homeless. And if you don’t know already, the American Girl dolls all come with a storybook telling about their lives and where they came from and this dolly’s daddy ran out on her and her mom and then her mom lost her job and now they live in her mom’s car.  Her name is Gwen, she only has ONE DRESS, and she cost $95!!!!!!!!!

Crissy wants to know why Gwen only has one dress.  Didn’t her mom think to pack a few things to keep in the car for her  before The Man threw them out of their home?  Crissy thinks Gwen’s mom isn’t very bright and also what asshole decided it would be a good idea to make a homeless doll to reflect the current economic atmosphere and then has the fucking nerve to charge $95 for it?

This is the most crazy ass retarded kick the homeless in the crotch and then spit down their necks thing Crissy has heard of in a long, long time because guess what?  None of the profits from the doll go to help the homeless.

Nice.

Way to help out, American Doll people.  Let’s sell homeless dolls to overprivileged little white girls and keep all the profits!

Crissy is so very glad that Girlfriend does not know about the American Girl dolls yet and if any one of you tells her about them Crissy will kill you twice because A) Crissy does not have $95 to spend on a doll and B) Crissy does not have $30 to spend on an outfit for the doll. Crissy thinks twice before even spending $30 on an outfit for herself and C) Crissy refuses to participate in the American Girl stupid crap.

Thank goodness Girlfriend is more into trains and coloring books than dolls because if she wanted one of these silly things Crissy would have to say nofuckingway and it would be one of those toys Girlfriend always wanted but her mean  mommy wouldn’t get her and for Crissy, it was clogs. Crissy wanted clogs so badly it hurt and her mean mother who clearly didn’t love her wouldn’t let her have any. Also, Chinese shoes.

Sigh.

Horrible woman!

What did your mean mommy not let you have, Queefies?  Tell it to Crissy and we’ll all have a nice big hug and a good cry.

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44 comments

  1. Have you been to the store in NY? It’s obscene! They have a hair salon for the friggin’ dolls…are you kidding me? No wonder they charge 95 bucks a pop..think of all the utility bills they have to pay for! Anyway, along the same lines of asinine toy concepts, check these suckers out: the breast feeding doll (can you say what?!? and even better, the “birthing/nursing” doll. Those’ll knock your socks off. Happy morning!

  2. Legos. My two older brothers each had their own HUGE BUCKETS full of every kind of Lego. If I tried to play with them, I got my hair pulled or a guitar broken over my head. All I wanted was some flippin’ Legos!!!!

  3. First off, it’s nice to know that someone has some common sense. I totally agree with you! Someone must have been smoking crack the day they thought this up. If my daughter ever asked for a $95 doll, I’d tell her to get grip.
    The toy I coudln’t have was a go cart because my daddy said ‘it wasn’t safe for girls’.
    .-= kelly ‘s last blog post… Bully’s Shouldn’t Win =-.

  4. Avocado. (I grew up in AK, and an avocado might as have been a golden egg – very expensive). My mother would buy avocados and not share them with us.

    Same story for the purple and red Otter Pops, we could have the other colors, but NOT the red or purple.

    I’m sure there must have been other things but for some reason I only remember the food items…
    .-= chickenlips’s last blog post… I’m not a billionaire..or even a hundredaire =-.

  5. My sisters and I were pretty spoiled when we were little, but for some reason every single Christmas I asked for one of those tunnels that kids can crawl through. I never got it. Never ever even though I asked every single year until I was about 10. But I do have to admit, I had a couple pair of clogs and the Chinese shoes (if you meant the black Mary Janes that had embroidery on the top and were so flimsy that you could feel every single pebble on the road).

  6. When I first saw that doll, I was all like WTF, American Girl?! And THEN when I saw that none of the profits went to help the homeless? I thought perhaps I should write a letter to the company. Which I still might. Good Lord. And by the way, if you’re homeless, you’re not CLEAN. And you don’t wear WHITE.

    Anyways. I had to have Target “Barbies.” I never got a real Barbie.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… The Poetry Of Death =-.

  7. Jeans. I know…I know….how silly, right? jeans are commonplace, right? Apparently not when I was 10. Which would have been in 1976 or so. All my little 4th grade friends wore JEANS and I had polyester pants in solid bright colors with a SEAM running down the front of them…you know…the raised seams on those cheapie pants from way back? I realized as I got older my mom wore them too….she was heavy, and for a while it seemed that was the only pants heavier women could get were the seamed polyester jobbies.

    Anyway, in 4th grade, I got a little matching denim number…jeans and a matching denim blouse. Hey…..I was STYLIN!! Except I had 2 of the exact same outfits. They must’ve been on sale or something. So I got to wear 2 outfits the same each week and my polyester.

    Sigh.

  8. I refuse to support American Dolls! But I’m biased. I graduated from Wells College in Aurora, NY. The very tiny town of my alma mater was DESTROYED by Pleasant Rowland. She bought everything, fixed it, donated it, and now no one can afford the taxes and the damn school had to go co-ed after forever of being single-sex education because that bitch made them BROKE and they needed the money. She did all this damage with the millions upon millions of dollars she got by selling the American Doll company to Mattel.

  9. Cabage Patch kids and Guess jeans. No worries though, my Grandma Grape was the hook-up. She always got me whatever I wanted… Which is weird, because they were my poor Polish grandparents that lived in the hood. I guess she just loved me better than her nine other grandkids!

  10. A pocket knife and an American Girl doll (Samantha). I never got the pocket knife, but I saved up my birthday and Christmas gift money one year and bought Samantha for myself, but then I was too old to fully enjoy it.

    At age 5 or 6, the American Girl doll catalog came in the mail and my mom told me it was a “Dream Book.” “You dream of which doll you want and pretend to order it, but they aren’t real and you can’t really buy them.” What a brilliant bitch, right?
    .-= Saturday’s last blog post… Would you like a tour of our bedroom? =-.

  11. oh…I have another…….Bass Shoes. I Jr. High I wanted the Bass shoes with the big chunky rubber soles? Did any of you have those, or am I the elderly one here?

    Anyway, I always had to go to payless.

    Now I’m a mom, and try to convince MY sons that payless tennies are JUST AS GOOD as Nike…….

  12. I wanted a Lite Brite. My mom was afraid I would lose the pieces all over and someone would get hurt. It wasn’t until years later when I bought one for my brothers that I got to actually play with one. An experience well worth it.

    And yeah, I saw that American Doll thing on the news the other day. It’s really in bad taste, and hahahahahahahaha to the $95 price tag. Jeez, I’m glad I don’t have any little girls to buy for yet!
    .-= RHz’s last blog post… Kill Myself =-.

  13. Yes! Chinese shoes. All I wanted were Mary Janes (the shoes, Ken) and I wanted a bob with bangs (the haircut, Ken). I obsessed over both of them. And now as an adult I have both. Lots of Mary Jane shoes and my hair has been in this cut for years.

    In summary, Girlfriend will wind up an American Doll hoarder.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… I’m Teaching a Writing Class! =-.

  14. my mom never bought me a real bullwhip.

    what? i had a pretty heavy indiana jones fetish. he was a fucking badass, and still is!

    she bought a cheap one, but when i tried to use it to swing from a tree branch, it broke. i had to try to weave/tape it back together.

    now it’s been relegated to halloween duty. as in the following pic:

    halloween_00094-2 (by k.a. gilbert)

  15. I had Molly, the WWII victory garden queen, when I was a wee one! Now I shall add homeless dolly to my collection…
    I LOVED AMERICAN GIRL AND PARTICIPATED IN ALL THE STUPID CRAP! I had books, magazines, journals, dolls…

    it’s better than Pokemon, right? Right?
    .-= Natalie’s last blog post… Dear Bloggity-Blog, =-.

  16. I was totally going to tell the Aurora, New York story until Tess stole it! My mom and grandmother and aunt went to Wells too.

    And my parents would never let me have a goat. I had a whole plan for how I’d walk it and clean up its poop, but they kept saying its hooves would scratch the wood floor. Now my husband has the same excuse.
    .-= Antelope’s last blog post… Welcome to Me =-.

  17. My own Blond Barbie. My 6 year older than me sister got every single one of the Barbies and then when I was old enough to want them, they refused to buy more Barbies. I could just use the current Barbies, but big sis was having no part of the Barbie sharing. I got Skipper, Barbie’s flat chested little sister to remind me that I was the flat chested little sister. They wonder why I got into cars and throwing rock with the boys in the neighborhood. I got boobies and a husband eventually. He bought me a blond Barbie a few years ago for Christmas. He’s the best, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was totally over the Barbie thing and really just wanted some Sexy Time coupons to cash in whenever I wanted.

  18. I was about to say that American Girls went off my radar as soon as they stopped being made by the Pleasant Co. and became just another Mattel product. But then I read these comments about Aurora and I feel sad.

    I had a Kirsten and I LOVED her! Except for when I took her to bed with me, her eyes would stay ever-so-slightly open and freak me the fuck out.
    .-= saratogajean’s last blog post… Can you handle this? =-.

  19. Mine was the hungry hungry hippos game. My mom would never get it for me. Also she wouldn’t let me take ballet lessons either. 🙁

  20. My mom would not get us a maidlaundressnannywhore no matter how I spun it. Now, just like Antelope, my wife won’t let me (I mean us) have one either. Oddly enough she used the same reason except instead of hooves she said stilettos.

  21. Man, I used to love those books. I had every single one and all the dolls and everything. Fuck.

    Most of the shit my mean mommy wouldn’t buy me, I’d just go smile sweetly at daddy and he’d buy it behind her back. Hrm, no wonder they divorced long ago, ha.
    .-= Jordan’s last blog post… Happy October! =-.

  22. I love the American Girl dolls. My daughter has three of them: Samantha, Kaia, and Molly. She bought two of them herself, with gift money and money she earned. We’ve had tea at the American Girl Place in Chicago and it was wonderful. Yes, they’re expensive, but the stories behind all the girls of fun and educational. My daughter is 14 now and sometimes I walk by her room and she and her friends are playing with them. With all the influences in this world wanting my daughter to dress sexy and dance on a pole, I’m grateful she has her dolls. Finally, some of America’s girls to experience homelessness at some point in their lives. They have a story to tell, too.

  23. Holy shit! None of the profits go to help the homeless or to a shelter?! What PR person there didn’t catch what a great idea it would have been to donate a percentage?! Ass clams!!

    Speaking of “interesting” new dollies, Mattel is introducing 3 new Barbies. Black ones that are more “authentic.” Supposedly, fuller lips and wider noses. Um … er …
    http://www.stumbleupon.com/s/#2gdNi8/www.momlogic.com/2009/09/mattel_introduces_black_barbies_with_authentic_features.php/

    Hey, Bass shoes were the shit when I was younger! I really wanted this robot from the Sears Wishbook and I also wanted a Smurf. Shut up! They do exist!
    .-= Akilah Sakai’s last blog post… Wedding Test =-.

  24. ONE dress?! Hell, I was practically homeless as a kid and even I had more than one outfit! Do your research American Girl!

    Also, it sickens me that no proceeds go to an organization to help ACTUAL homeless children. Asshats.

    ALSO! CHINESE SHOES! Crissy, how did you NOT have these? I had them and as mentioned above, was practically homeless. Your mom must be really mean.

    Just sayin’.
    .-= Juggle Jane’s last blog post… La Dah Dee, La Dah Dah =-.

  25. american doll = reason to be happy that i have a boy
    #19 Natalie = damn, you are right, i DO have to read stupid pokemon books though

    almost denied as a child = sockerboppers, rememeber those? my mom didn’t want to buy them, then i pulled the “i’mjustdyingforsockerboppers!!!!” & she couldnt’ resist. she teases me to this day about that (i’m 38).

    truly denied = black pants. yup, i was trying to be emo, but mom wasn’t having it. end of discussion.
    .-= just me’s last blog post… military bs =-.

  26. The women and their entitled spawn that litter the area around the American Dolls store are enough to make you want to puke on their Tory Burch flats. The homeless doll is just tasteless. Please come here and unleash your Queenly wrath on them.

    My mom never let me have Jordache jeans. Or Gloria Vanderbilt. I was not one of the cool kids. So, I did the next best thing. I beat them up. The cool kids, not the jeans — distressed denim didn’t come in until much later.
    .-= Dingo’s last blog post… Fine Feathered Fiends =-.

  27. Mom (or as I like to call her, Satan) didn’t let me have things like sex. Or friends. I also wasn’t allowed to dip into Dad’s crack stash. That might sound funnier than it really was/is. Because if you lived with my mom, you reaaaaally needed Dad’s crack. My mom also made us scrub the walls with Clorox and an old toothbrush and denied us the right to spoon with first cousins.
    .-= Miss Spoken’s last blog post… The Mamas, The Papas, The Junkies and The Pedophiles =-.

  28. Yeah, I about fell over when I heard how much $$$ that doll costs and how nothing goes to help the homeless. Corporate bastards.

    I grew up with a whole lot of nothing. No video games (unless you count our Commodore 64). No cable. Last one on the block to own a VCR. No sweet foods. I was pretty much a starved child – literally and socially. No wonder kids never wanted to come over to play.
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Read =-.

  29. I never got into the American Girl Dolls. I pretended to at one point to fit in the “cool” girls. They were dainty Mom-dresses-me-like-a-doll catholic school girls and I was a rough and tough 4-H girl. Thank goodness I only bought the Felicity books and called it a day.

    Mom my, hopelessly trying to make me more girly, would give me a porcelin doll every year for my birthday. They were still on display in my old bedroom at my parents house until a couple weeks ago. They scare the piss out of my husband. My mom was absolutely heartbroken when I told her she could throw them away.

    Of course she didn’t. She’s keeping her fingers crossed she can eventually give them to her unconceived grand-daughter.
    .-= Dolce’s last blog post… Boobs are vengeful [not so] little f*ckers =-.

  30. She never let me have metal coathangers…EVER!!!
    Seriously though, the giant My Little Pony. I wanted that little freak so badly. Neither mom nor santa would give up the goods. Every year, same thing. It’s okay. I brushed and dressed up my cats instead. I’m sure they loved it. I know because they only bit and scratched me a tiny bit.

  31. I wanted slot cars but could not have them because they were “something only BOYS play with”. I wanted a Lite Brite and was told that they wasted electricity.

    And the homeless American Girl Doll? WTF is up with that? That’s in VERY poor taste if you ask me. The lease they ould do is donate some of that $95 to homeless charities (like $90 of that).
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Where’d you go? =-.

  32. If I had a kid, they would surely think I was mean. My answer to the question if they could have a $95 dollar doll? “GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!”

    Ckickenlips: Someone else remebers Otterpops! Thankfully I had no color restrictions. Blue was my favorite.

  33. Even I had the little chinese shoes. Not new, mind you, and not when anyone else was still wearing them. But still.

    Was denied 1/3 of the sugar in every home-made dessert.

    And tonka trucks.

    And 23 hours of television/ day.

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