Oh goodness Queefies! Crissy has a super exciting weekend planned for herself and it is so sexy and so exciting Crissy is about to freak your freak and blow your mind with the pure awesomeness of it all.
Crissy prolly won’t post tomorrow because The Crissys and Rich and Michele are taking Alena and Girlfriend and Homeslice to ride on THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE!!!
Yes! It’s true!
And Crissy plans to dress for the occasion and wear her very prettiest outfit
which looks exactly like this one because while all the other ladies are acting like complete sluts around The Fat Controller, aka Sir Topham Hatt,
Crissy will be scoring a little one on one naughty time with Thomas. Maybe he’ll even let her touch him on his Main Rod or put her hand in his Coal Tender area.
You’re jealous aren’t you?
And Crissy is a little nervous about it though because Thomas is like Jesus to Girlfriend and she has a very rich fantasy life built up around him since she was only two where he is both an imaginary friend and a train and so she may become overwhelmed by it all and have a Major Behavioral Incident and so of course Crissy is going to bring the video camera because for the low, low price of $20 per person for a 20 minute ride on Thomas, Crissy is at least going to capture the happy memory of when Girlfriend went CRACKERS! on video.
Good times, noodle salad.
And then on Monday, and Michele doesn’t know it yet so don’t tell her, Crissy is going to go across the street and drag Michele out of bed at 6:00 am to go to the Saver’s 50% off sale! Crissy has done this before and she’s an expert at it. You must stay focused, Queefs. You cannot deviate from your plan and you must bring a gigantor shopping bag, a rape whistle, a set of brass knuckles, and some handcuffs. Also, wear shoes with good traction, a sports bra and maybe even a sports cup, and a motorcycle helmet because you can’t be too careful.
Saver’s is in Woonsocket.
Crissy also plans to bring her lucky shank this time because she left it at home last year and needed to cut a bitch over the most divine purple Ralph Lauren blazer but she couldn’t because she left her blade at home. Like an idiot! But that won’t happen this year and she’s got some new distraction techniques prepared too. For example, if someobody tries to take a particularly fabulous sweater away from Crissy, Crissy will shout something like “I LIKE SPAGHETTI!” or “YOU WANT TO SEE MY PENIS?” or maybe she will even go with an old classic like “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! AHHHHHHHH!” and the person will be confused for a split second and that’s when Crissy will punch her in the face and then run away with the sweater.
Needless to say, Queefs, Crissy is Jazzed.