The New Dishwasher

Crissy didn’t tell you this, Queefies, but her dishwasher exploded last week and it make a horrible chokey coughing sound and then a metallic grinding sound and then it just stopped.  And when Crissy tried to start it again, it did another terrible, terrible death rattle and then FLAMES SHOT OUT FROM UNDER IT.

And so that was the end of a thirty year old Kitchen Aid dishwasher.  Not too glamorous, but very dramatic. And so for the past week, Crissy has been washing dishes.  WITH HER HANDS!

It’s been a hell because you cannot wash dishes with a Homeslice on your hip, Queefies.  And a Homeslice hates to be put down for any reason, even so Crissy can do the dishes.  It’s no excuse if you ask a Homeslice and so Crissy had to wash dishes WITH HER HANDS while a Homeslice CRIED HER ASS OFF.

The good news is that the new one comes today and thank goodness for the Toy With Mes because Crissy’s first monies are going to go toward the new dishwasher.

Your queen leads a very glamorous life, you know.

And speaking of glamor,  It’s WEDNESDAY and you know what that means!

Today Crissy will educate you on the Make-your-own-dildo and Clone-a-pussy kits!

Come on!

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31 comments

  1. I’ve lived with no dishwasher for over 5 YEARS. We tried to put one in, but our counters are custom height because we bought the house from a lovely old Portuguese couple whose collective height was about 5 feet, which means all of the counters would have to be replaced. So I’ve been living your nightmare EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. In my case though, if I leave the sloppin’ mess on the counters for long enough, the husband will usually pick up the slack…I’m devious like that. Can’t wait to see you over at TWM!

  2. My last residence did not have a dishwasher (older home, small kitchen). now I have one. I’m addicted. The sad part is, it’s on its last legs – most the time I have to redo the dishes. So I’m saving up monies to buy a new one. What kind did you get?

  3. I’m 29. I’ve never in my life owned a dishwasher. I’ve never lived in a house with a dishwasher. I raised two babies while washing dishes by hand. I have no sympathy for you on this one.

  4. I have no dishwasher. I hate it. And I even more hate that Gay Boyfriend doesn’t have one either. Otherwise, I’d most certainly haul my dirty dishes upstairs and put them in there. When I worked for the church – they had those industrial ones – you know – the kind that clean your pots and pans for you? I used to go over there late at night with my dishes in a laundry basket. And use it. Yes. I. Did.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Bad Mommy =-.

  5. Wow. I’ve always sort of thought of a dishwasher as a basic necessity like a toilet or a bathtub. I had no idea of the suffering that went on all around the world. There should be some sort of charity or something for the dishwasherless. I’ll call Obama straight away!

  6. Your dishwasher must really be so beyond repair that McGyver actually bought you a new one.

    We don’t need an appliance to do the dishes in my house. My mother in law takes care of them. And every once in a while, to give her a break, I have my wife do them.

  7. I must suffer with no dishwasher. All I want in life is a dishwasher and Washer and Dryer I have big dreams! I have a 1 month old and the Moby wrap has been a lifesaver I can now wear my baby and be totally hands free while she is happy, to do dishes. Unfortunately now my husband knows that and I have no excuse.

  8. no shit pmac!

    aggie, measure your countertop height. because of recent research, i’ve discovered there are dishwashers that are ADA compliant, meaning they are meant to fit under shorter counters.

    of course if your counters are 24″ off the floor, you’re shit out of luck. 😉

    in other news, right before i left for work, i accepted delivery of our new scrubbing machine. now i just have to stop by home depot on the way home, get some plumbing fittings, sweat them on the pipes under the sink (while trying not to burn the place down, babysit two kids, and contort my body in unnatural angles), hook up the 120vac and the waste water line, secure the dishwasher to the counter, and fire that motherfucker up.

  9. OH….OH…I was a good queef and commented on TWM. yeah!

    Anywho…I haven’t had a dishwasher in almost 18 years. My tiny kitchen is TINY and my budget is tinier, so no dishwasher for me.

    Besides, I see stuff that comes out of dishwashers, and I don’t like it. The glasses get all foggy and etched, and plastic ware? ew.

    Maybe if I had one, I’d be envious, but I don’t, so I’m not. Except I hate to do the dishes. I even hate it at my dads where there IS a dishwasher.

  10. Daisee, your current dishwasher doesn’t count. You have to still re-wash the dishes so it actually makes twice the work for you. That’s how our old one was, and I’m actually glad the bitch finally gave up the ghost.
    .-= Crissy’s last blog post… The New Dishwasher =-.

  11. I hate you you had to subject your queenly hands to dishwater. So sad. I’ve always had a dishwasher and now that the baby is 15, I don’t even have to load that motherfucker.

  12. a dishwasher and a washer/dryer: two (ok, 3) things i can no longer live without. THE END. my ex didn’t have one, and always washed his dishes after dinner by HAND. weirdo. and then there were never enough dishes in the dishwasher to run it, so he’d get crabby that 2 of the 4 plates were dirty when he wanted to use them, and i was all SO STOP WASHING THEM, DUH.
    .-= Alice’s last blog post… i use the word awesome a lot in this post. be prepared. =-.

  13. Chrissy The Moby wrap is the only baby carrier that I actually can do dishes in because she sets high enough and close enough too me to not hit into the counter. I also own now 6 different carriers/slings and this is my favorite. They are really melded right onto you. I went to the library yesterday and the woman checking me out said she was afraid to ask if it was a baby in there she thought I might have been all wrapped up after a boob job or something. I guess she thought I got 1 giant boob (baby head) in the center. This is Miami I live in so you never know what kind of plastic surgery is hot right now I guess.

  14. I think you might want to try being a kangaroo. Just pop that baby in the pouch and ta-dah! free hands. Well, then, of course, you would be a kangaroo and there would be no need to do dishes…So, problem solved.

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