Morning Queefies!
Crissy had a really crazy weekend and it went by in a flash and it’s sort of like a blackout or something but Crissy only had like two glasses of wine all weekend and OH HOW THAT MAKES CRISSY SO SAD but Crissy was actually too busy to drink!
That has never happened before.
There’s always room for jell-o and there’s always time for wine. Or so Crissy thought.
One of the things Crissy did was take Girlfriend shopping for school shoes at the Wrentham Village Premium Outlets.
And Crissy learned a very valuable lesson, Queefies.
Never go to the outlets on a beautiful Saturday morning.
In fact, Crissy is going to make it another one of her mottoes.
It was a fucking zoo you guys and it was a pretty miserable experience trying to navigate a stroller through tightly packed racks and narrow aisles at the shoe store what with all the people and their fat, aisle blocking asses and all ho. lee.shit! the double wide strollers! It was crazy retarded and Crissy felt very superior to all the breeders with their gangs of little kids in double wides until she realized that she is no longer the tidy and superior mother of only one child.
SHIT!
Crissy hates it when she lives in a glass house and tries to throw rocks or stones or judgmental glances and stuff at people.
What Crissy is trying to say is look at all the fucking people at Gap Outlet!
It was insane and Crissy just gave up and went home before she had to punch somebody in the face.
But do you like that picture of Homeslice, Queefies? Crissy laughed and laughed at this comment somebody left on Flickr:
“look at all those accessories mang!! that is one pimped out stroller. the look on her face says she knows it and she’s fucking boss.”
Hahahahaha!
And then on Sunday, poor Mister got roped into something he didn’t want to do and was gone for 12 hours which left Crissy alone with the two kids on cleaning and laundry and writing day. Crissy’s mom and brother came to help because Crissy found out she is not Superwoman! This is very disappointing news. It was a living hell and Crissy maybe lied a little bit to the Queefies when she said she didn’t have time for wine because she put the kids to bed at 7 and drank an entire bottle of wine in about an hour.
WHAT?
That’s normal, right?
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I too, hate The Crowds. But you sure LOOK tidy. I suppose you might not FEEL tidy. But you look it.
k8’s last blog post… My Visitor
i think that was one of the best comments i’ve ever gotten.
chet nailed it perfectly!
ps. i need sex
Bottle o’ wine in an hour… not a problem. And yeah, weekend shopping = scary.
@Pimp – you were at the outlet mall and didn’t stop at MatressSlutsRUs? And hey, when’s your appt. with the urologist (snippysnippy = less nervous QOFE = perhaps more sexytime)just sayin’…
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday post
oh trust me, ms.d, i know all about the upgrade path to more sexytime.
i even asked my dad who he uses.
CRISSY! YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT THE WINE! Now… what I would like you to do… is give me insight into the drinking while breastfeeding thing AGAIN. You wrote me a shmidgen of an email once and it made me feel better for like, ten minutes, but I think you should blog about it… so I can look at it over & over everytime the wine starts going to my head… and the words start blurring….
Natalie’s last blog post… It’s Britney, Bitch
by the way, it already looks cold where you live
Natalie’s last blog post… It’s Britney, Bitch
ugh. that’s the thing about those outlets though- if it’s rainy it’s nasty since they’re outside(ish) but if it’s nice, everyone and their motha flock there. fail all around!
I don’t do humans, so weekend shopping is a no go for me.
Homeslice’s expression is fuggin’ cute. She’s rockin’ that hoodie like it’s nobodies business.
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Homeslice and Girlfriend are so freakin’ adorable.
You need to take one of those zap guns with so you can zap people with it when you go shopping. I assure you they will drop to the floor and be out of your way.
A bottle of wine in an hour? Lightweight. When I’m really depressed and/or pissed, I put a serious dent (like, a third of of the bottle) in one of those BIG bottles of vodka. But then again, my kids are both off at college, and the cats don’t seem to care how much I drink. See what you have to look forward to?
That’s a great picture of you! So pretty!
Also, outlet malls make me drink. Heroin.
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We recently went through a town with a crap load of those outlet malls. I was trying to get to a particular restaurant. It took like an hour and a half to go thirty miles. So now I”m starved and pissed off at traffic. What I didn’t know was that not only was it a pretty day (therefore tons of asses out shopping), but also, it was tax-free weekend on certain items costing less than $100. What a mess.
i love the idea of outlets. in theory. but every time i go, there are WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE and i get grumpy and angry and go home and complain about how annoying ALL THOSE PEOPLE are.
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets pissy at the outlets. Why do they even exist? They’re not cheaper. I wanted some wine glasses at Williams-Sonoma and they were $86 a piece! I’m sorry but fuck no. Wine glasses break in my house wheather they were $86 or $5 at Ikea.
crissy’s last blog post… A day at the zoo
That is very normal. I mean the bottle of wine in about an hour. At least in my book, it is. And I don’t even have kids!
Just a normal disdain for just about everyfuckingotherpersonontheplanet. 
Cheers!
I’m still pissed that CorningNY stole my comment! I need to quit my job so I can comment before the other bitches! I was going to call you a lightweight, but I’m not currently breastfeeding, Thank God!
Also, Girlfriend and Homeslice are stunning!!!
If by “bottle of wine” you were referring to a 1.5 liter bottle of Barefoot Chardonnay then yes, completely normal.
Miss Spoken’s last blog post… Destination: Santa Barbara!
oh yeah. we don’t fuck around with 750mls around here.
I like the way you think, CP. Especially at 5:48 am.
you should see me even earlier!
Keep up the great work! Look forward to reading more from you in the future. I think it will be also nice if you add “send to email” tool so people can forward the articles to their friends easily.