Squishy and white and marshmallowy all over

So there Crissy was last night at work sitting at her desk and doing her workly business when the janitor came through with his trash bucket on wheels thing to empty Crissy’s trash into and Crissy felt ashamed because in it were eighty three Hershey’s miniatures wrappers and she could feel him burning into her with his Judgy eyes and it made her blush that he knows her secret that she’s the one who’s been eating all the chocolates and she just sort of cleared her throat and checked her wrist because she doesn’t have a watch and then she ran away because OH GOD THE SHAME OF IT and also it reminded her of the time when her dad looked in the back of Hot Heath Who Made Crissy’s Panties Fall Off‘s car and saw tons and tons of empty beer cans and based only on that information decided Hot Heath Who Made Crissy’s Panties Fall Off was a loser! Can you imagine?and then he came straight into the house to yell at Crissy’s mother for letting her out of the house with HHWMCPFO and then he locked Crissy in her room!

Well maybe he didn’t do that, but he wanted to is the point Crissy is trying to make and so now she’s thinking that maybe in light of all the candy wrappers Crissy is sort of a loser just like Hot Heath Who Made Crissy’s Panties Fall Off turned out to be (her dad was right) and maybe, just maybe, she should have her mouth sewn shut by dragonflies just like her nana said they would if Crissy wasn’t a good girl and Crissy is now terrified of dragonflies and really?

Crissy has to lose 7 more lbs before she’s back to her pre-Homeslice awesome and she’d better do it faster than she can say Turbo Jam because the weather is getting colder and she refuses to buy new pants and so instead of running around like Mister with no pants on she must be able to stuff her bodacious ass back into her old pants before that bodacious ass turns into a cold and icy ass and nobody likes to touch a cold and icy ass except for the necrophiliacs but they’re Sickie Sickingtons and Crissy wouldn’t let them touch her ass anyway.

OR!

Crissy’s ass will freeze and turn white and people will mistake it for a couple of marshmallows and they will put sticks in it and roast it over a fire until it gets all burnt and melty and then they will EAT CRISSY’S ASS!

Oh NO!

PS: Crissy is up at Toy With Me today talking about the Play Through. Crissy realizes that many of you know about the Play Through already but the Toy With Mes don’t and so you have to come and help Crissy teach them.

Do it, bitches.

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23 comments

  1. Well, having seen recent pics of you, I can only suggest that the extra seven pounds is hiding in your shirt, not your pants so I’m sure your ass is fine. Also, breastfeeding and pumping requires MANY extra calories, so those Hershey bars are very necessary to poor Homeslice’s diet.

  2. Oh Crissy. You are my hero. You work out like a maniac and you look fantastic even though you never get any sleep. And you write fantastic stuff. And even though I don’t like chocolate and can’t relate, I eat CHEESE like you wouldn’t believe. And I often have to sneak upstairs and steal some from Gay BOyfriend. That is, until I found out he knew.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Lemons. Lemonade. =-.

  3. I, too, am idolizing you from afar. How you do what you do everyday and stay looking so hot is beyond me. I feel like a wrung-out dishrag at the end of the day and I haven’t turbo jamed or weight watchered or anything. I walk or run in the mornings (lately that has happened less as apparently I like the sleep more). I sit on my ass at a desk all day at work. Come home to dogs and cats and make dinner (which lately has been frozen pizza waaay too often). Then I die on the couch before hitting bed early. I’m such the loser compared to you. And I’m still gaining weight. I keep assuming the extra pounds are all in the boobicles, but I don’t know how much longer I can get away with that.

  4. Crissy, how is it that last time I was weighed I was 3lbs over my pre-preggo weight BUT NOTHING FITS?! Nothing. Seriously? Seriously. I wear my maternity clothes still and THEY feel a little tight. And my wedding ring won’t fit. I feel like I have to buy a whole new wardrobe for my bottom half, yup.

    P.S. I like the running Comment Commentary between Crissy and Crissy’s Pimp.
    .-= Natalie’s last blog post… Softer, Worser, Slower, Weaker =-.

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