So Mister called Crissy at work last night because apparently he was almost EATEN by the Woodland Gays when he tried to take the childrens for a walk in the woods!
It all stared when the Crissys were driving to Crissy’s mother’s house when they saw a yard sale and the people were selling a manly sort of backpack baby carrier thingy. They’re usually very expensive and that’s why the Crissys didn’t have one, but this one was very clean and in perfect condition and it was only $10 and since Mister has wanted one since Girlfriend was a baby, he bought it. Crissy was very happy for him.
And he wanted to test it out yesterday afternoon so he packed all the kids up and even brought a bottle of boobie juice for Homeslice PLUS the bottle warmer and headed out to Schmuckytown Woods for a little hike on the Equestrian trails to take some pictures of some horse shit because why the fuck not?
Artfully done, Mister. Bravo!
Also, he found was a swarm of Woodland Gays.
And you can’t see the kids in the car, Queefies.
So Mister looked like he was there in the woods in his car alllll alone and lonely just wishin’ and a hopin’ to meet a nice fella.
With techno playing.
And the windows were down for all to hear.
He’s also been known to rock a little Confessions on a Dance Floor.
Why don’t you just run into the woods holding a stack of gay porn and a bottle of corn hole oil and pull your pants down while shouting “COME AND GET ME BOYS!”
And he was wearing a baby yellow shirt that Crissy bought for him and is now reconsidering because he looks a little bit gay for play in it if you know what Crissy means.
Crissy doesn’t really even know what she means.
And Mister realized this and decided to turn off the techno and for christ sake lose the gay shirt and move his car because it was quite clear to him that he had already attracted the attention of some gentlemen of the Woodland Gay persuasion and when he moved, another dude started following him in his car. No shit. And then another guy at a different trail he pulled up to was sort of giving him the ol’ come hither to follow him into the woods and so then Mister had to leave AGAIN!
Crissy is starting to think that the Woodland Gays are not very discriminating fellows. They seem to be willing to put their wenises in anybody’s bum. No introductions necessary.
Mister finally decided that even though both kids were sleeping, he should get out of the car and show the Gays he was NOT there for a poke in the bum-bum, he was just a straight dude looking to try out his new baby carrier thing.
Thank goodness the story has a happy ending, but Mister almost got ate!
Day-um. You Woodland Gays is scary!
(Crissy does not know when or how or why she turned into a southern black man, but she did and she’s been talking like that for days now. It makes Homeslice laugh.)