Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

Girlfriend started school on Tuesday and it went fine and she walked right in like she owned the place and from what her teachers tell Crissy from last year, she actually does own the place.  She has her little minions to do her bidding like help her get her snow suit on in winter, and the boys carry her lunch box and backpack out to the playground for her at dismissal time.

Princess of Fucking Everything.

And do you Queefs remember when Crissy arrived at the school and they were acting all weird and Crissy thought maybe Girlfriend dropped an f-bomb or something and what it really was was that a boy showed her his wenis?

You do? You’re sweet.

Well it happened again on the first day! And to Crissy’s surprise, Girlfriend tells her it’s the THIRD time a boy has done that to her at school.  They just don’t always get caught by the teachers because it happens inside the Pirate ship or the private ship, more like.  And who is Girlfriend to tell on them?  She doesn’t judge.  She’s got her own issues.  She just points and laughs and continues on with her day which is exactly what Crissy would have her do.

Crissy is not the least bit surprised that the boys are showing her their Special Purposes. Crissy has experienced her share of unsolicited wenises her own self, but she just didn’t expect it to start so soon is all.  It’s actually pretty funny,  but Crissy thinks maybe she’s going to write to Obama and ask if he can mention not doing that in his next speech to the children.  Why did everyone get all jacked up about that speech anyway? Crissy is sad Girlfriend didn’t get to see it. She loves her president.

And Crissy is nervous because it seems like Girlfriend’s milkshake is gonna bring the boys to the yard soon and boys mean trouble of all sorts and the Crissy’s will have to put up an electric fence or some razor wire or some kind of shit.

Crissy does not want to do that. She would probably forget about the electric fence and electrocute herself to death, and razor wire doesn’t go with her hydrangea bushes and it would look ugly and probably get the attention of Turd Furgeson, Douchebag in Charge of Making Things Difficult for People over at the Historical Society.

Actually, pissing Mr. Furgeson off is a good reason to go with the razor wire. Crissy will consider that option more later.

Anyways, Crissy is hoping that maybe she can raise Girlfriend and Homeslice to be lezbeefriends.

NOT WITH EACH OTHER.

That would be Lezbeeincest, and that’s just not Crissy’s scene.

What Crissy means is to ask if there is a way to get The Gay on them so that there aren’t any boys to worry about. Crissy would much rather have girls coming to the yard because they’re prettier and they smell nicer and they can’t make Crissy a grandmother and also instead of putting up razor wire as a deterrent, maybe she could just put scales and mirrors around everywhere and not allow anyone in until they tried on a bikini.

That would totally work.

So until Crissy figures out how to get The Gay on her daughters, she’s going to try brainwashing.

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You can’t start too early, Queefs.

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24 comments

  1. I sang a song to The Girl from the time she was younger than Homeslice is now that goes like this:

    “I won’t go out with the boys anymore,
    I’m never gonna get married,
    I’ll just go out with the girls that I like,
    Whee! I’m a fairy”

    Which is something my Aunt (who left my Uncle to become a lezbeefriend) taught her Girl Scout Troop much to the chagrin and consternation of the Girl Scout Parents (of course, this was in the 70’s which is probably why she didn’t get the lawsuits)

    It actually sortve seemed to work for a while. Especially backed up with a couple T.a.t.u. CD’s for good measure. (The Girl ALSO had boys exposing their wenises at her in school… IN THE CLASSROOM and she couldn’t figure out why that upset her teacher so as “it was no big thing…”) Alas, now she’s all teenagery and seemingly not into boobies. ::Sigh::
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Chipping away at sanity… =-.

  2. Did you know that there’s a google ad smack dab in the middle of your post telling me I can get Cindy Crawford style at JCPenney’s? What the fuck? Did Savers not want to spring for an ad? Why is Cindy Crawford whoring herself out to JCPenney? Than again, maybe JCPenney is having a sale on home security systems, chastity belts, and tasers. I’m sure Girlfriend would love a taser in Hello Kitty pink.
    .-= Dingo’s last blog post… Pound Of Flesh =-.

  3. See, in the South this problem is easily solved. Daddy sits on the porch with a shotgun. Boys don’t like being shot. Ergo, no boys coming round without Daddy’s approval. I’m sure Pimp could drop the camera for a shotgun if occasion warranted.

    Either that or you could just let Tequila poop in your front yard and on the front porch. That will also keep away solicitors – because who wants to go to the poop house?

  4. A friend of mine once gave me pajama bottoms with the slogan, boys are dumb, throw rocks at them. And little cartoon drawings of boys running away from flying rocks. I loved those pj’s. Wore them until their death. Here’s hoping Homeslice wears that onsie until its death, too.
    .-= SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post… Breakeven =-.

  5. The first day and the little boys already lost their shit?! If I ever get a call that my son flashed someone …

    Anyway, that chair is so fuggin’ cute! Not cuter than the baby by any means, but cute.
    .-= Akilah Sakai’s last blog post… Bestest Ever! =-.

  6. Awwww Homeslice. Love pictures of my homegirl. You know what though, you don’t have to do anything to put the Gay on the kiddies, the do it all by themselves! Two of mine did it without any coaching from me! Well, they didn’t go all the way, I mean, they swing on both sides of the fence if you know what I mean. It could happen.

  7. One of my staff members told me that she preaches the 7B’s to her girls every day and can recite them as easily as the Lord’s Prayer. The 7B’s are: Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies. Kind of rolls off the tounge, but that comes when girls catch the lezzies. Great picture BTW!

  8. by the way–that pic of homeslice makes my uterus ache…I’m imagining a scene ala Ms. Pacman where my egg and sperm meet, fall in love, and voila! put something in my basket.

  9. This is why I never wanted girls…I have three boys and ONE girl. FML. But at least I know her brothers will keep the lil’ hoodlums at bay. At least until she is old enough to be fitted for a chastity belt.

    And I cannot help but grin every time I see Homeslice. Such a happy baby!
    .-= Zandria’s last blog post… A TMI Thursday Two-fer =-.

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