Girlfriend started school on Tuesday and it went fine and she walked right in like she owned the place and from what her teachers tell Crissy from last year, she actually does own the place. She has her little minions to do her bidding like help her get her snow suit on in winter, and the boys carry her lunch box and backpack out to the playground for her at dismissal time.
Princess of Fucking Everything.
And do you Queefs remember when Crissy arrived at the school and they were acting all weird and Crissy thought maybe Girlfriend dropped an f-bomb or something and what it really was was that a boy showed her his wenis?
Well it happened again on the first day! And to Crissy’s surprise, Girlfriend tells her it’s the THIRD time a boy has done that to her at school. They just don’t always get caught by the teachers because it happens inside the Pirate ship or the private ship, more like. And who is Girlfriend to tell on them? She doesn’t judge. She’s got her own issues. She just points and laughs and continues on with her day which is exactly what Crissy would have her do.
Crissy is not the least bit surprised that the boys are showing her their Special Purposes. Crissy has experienced her share of unsolicited wenises her own self, but she just didn’t expect it to start so soon is all. It’s actually pretty funny, but Crissy thinks maybe she’s going to write to Obama and ask if he can mention not doing that in his next speech to the children. Why did everyone get all jacked up about that speech anyway? Crissy is sad Girlfriend didn’t get to see it. She loves her president.
And Crissy is nervous because it seems like Girlfriend’s milkshake is gonna bring the boys to the yard soon and boys mean trouble of all sorts and the Crissy’s will have to put up an electric fence or some razor wire or some kind of shit.
Crissy does not want to do that. She would probably forget about the electric fence and electrocute herself to death, and razor wire doesn’t go with her hydrangea bushes and it would look ugly and probably get the attention of Turd Furgeson, Douchebag in Charge of Making Things Difficult for People over at the Historical Society.
Actually, pissing Mr. Furgeson off is a good reason to go with the razor wire. Crissy will consider that option more later.
Anyways, Crissy is hoping that maybe she can raise Girlfriend and Homeslice to be lezbeefriends.
NOT WITH EACH OTHER.
That would be Lezbeeincest, and that’s just not Crissy’s scene.
What Crissy means is to ask if there is a way to get The Gay on them so that there aren’t any boys to worry about. Crissy would much rather have girls coming to the yard because they’re prettier and they smell nicer and they can’t make Crissy a grandmother and also instead of putting up razor wire as a deterrent, maybe she could just put scales and mirrors around everywhere and not allow anyone in until they tried on a bikini.
That would totally work.
So until Crissy figures out how to get The Gay on her daughters, she’s going to try brainwashing.
You can’t start too early, Queefs.