Talk fast, pimp slow.

Oh goodness Queefies!  Crissy has a super exciting weekend planned for herself and it is so sexy and so exciting Crissy is about to freak your freak and blow your mind with the pure awesomeness of it all.

Crissy prolly won’t post tomorrow because The Crissys and Rich and Michele are taking Alena and Girlfriend and Homeslice to ride on THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE!!!

Yes! It’s true!

And Crissy plans to dress for the occasion and wear her very prettiest outfit

which looks exactly like this one because while all the other ladies are acting like complete sluts around The Fat Controller, aka Sir Topham Hatt,

Crissy will be scoring a little one on one naughty time with Thomas.  Maybe he’ll even let her touch him on  his Main Rod or put her hand in his Coal Tender area.

Maybe.

You’re jealous aren’t you?

And Crissy is a little nervous about it though because Thomas is like Jesus to Girlfriend and she has a very rich fantasy life built up around him since she was only two where he is both an imaginary friend and a train and so she may become overwhelmed by it all and have a Major Behavioral Incident and so of course Crissy is going to bring the video camera because for the low, low price of $20 per person for a 20 minute ride on Thomas, Crissy is at least going to capture the happy memory of when Girlfriend went CRACKERS! on video.

Right?

Good times, noodle salad.

And then on Monday, and Michele doesn’t know it yet so don’t tell her, Crissy is going to go across the street and drag Michele out of bed at 6:00 am to go to the Saver’s 50% off sale!  Crissy has done this before and she’s an expert at it.  You must stay focused, Queefs.  You cannot deviate from your plan and you must bring a gigantor shopping bag, a rape whistle, a set of brass knuckles, and some handcuffs.  Also, wear shoes with good traction, a sports bra and maybe even a sports cup, and a motorcycle helmet because you can’t be too careful.

Saver’s is in Woonsocket.

Crissy also plans to bring her lucky shank this time because she left it at home last year and needed to cut a bitch over the most divine purple Ralph Lauren blazer but she couldn’t because she left her blade at home.  Like an idiot! But that won’t happen this year and she’s got some new distraction techniques prepared too.  For example, if someobody tries to take a particularly fabulous sweater away from Crissy, Crissy will shout something like “I LIKE SPAGHETTI!” or “YOU WANT TO SEE MY PENIS?” or maybe she will even go with an old classic like “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! AHHHHHHHH!” and the person will be confused for a split second and that’s when Crissy will punch her in the face and then run away with the sweater.

Hahahahahahaha!!! Stooopid!!!

Needless to say, Queefs, Crissy is Jazzed.

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20 comments

  1. I agree. If you’re videotaping GF’s meltdown over meeting Thomas, Pimp MUST videotape you and Michelle in Saver’s. Otherwise, I refuse to believe such a place exsists.

  2. That low, low price of $20 includes a nice certificate, you cannot forget that! Thomas comes to the area near where I live every May. Mini-Geek went with his grandma and father this year. I was not jealous.

  3. Could you combine your “Savers outfit” with the outfit you are wearing to see Thomas? As Paris Hilton says . . . Thats HOT . . . in an italian-ninja-pornstar-superheroin sort of way. But you have to complete the outfit with the broken cigarette. Megan Fox as Catwoman, eat your heart out. If there is a God in this world Mister will have a video on Tuesday for us all to see. PLEASE!!!

  4. My son has been twice, goodtimes as others have said. To best prevent meltdowns I’d suggest kinda letting them lead the way through all the activities they have set up…. Aside from of course making sure you get in line in time for your scheduled ride. Also be prepared to get bent over at the big tent that sells all the Thomas toys. My son has thankfully outgrown Thomas and takes-up-too-much-damn-room toys. But thanks for getting the dang song stuck in my head…..haven’t heard that stuck on repeat in my noggin for quite some time. Doo doo da doo doo doot doo doo doo doo.

  5. Either I need to lay off the drugs or that dude in the first picture has a tiny head and a huge, bulbous neck.

    And, seriously, is that splooge leaking out of Lady Gaga’s facehole? Because it does not look like a cigarette. I hope so, because splooge would totally make that outfit work.

    I wish Girlfriend and you a very happy psychotic episode. On video.
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Mister Shorts Number 9 =-.

  6. Umm..would you go into Woonsocket WITHOUT brass knuckles and a rape whistle??.. (and air support, and ninjas, and a flame thrower..)

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