This post isn’t about The Rabbit:
It’s about the rabbit:
Or about a cage for a rabbit or a potential rabbit or some sort of Captured Woodland Creature that Earl and Maudette who live next door to Crissy are building a home for. Or, to be accurate, because Crissy’s motto is “always be totally factual sometimes,” it’s Earl and Maudette’s son, Earl Jr., who is building the cage.
And every night after work for the past week, week and a half, Earl Jr. is out in the driveway with the saw and the nail gun and he works and he works and Mister just sits there in Crissy’s kitchen listening to The New Yankee Workshop: Downsy Edition and shaking his head.
And he says things like “what the fuck is he building? A fucking nuclear shelter for the fucking bunny? Hahahahahahaha!”
And with every ptang!ptang!ptang! of the nail gun and holy hell does Earl Jr. use a lot of nails, Mister becomes a little bit more hysterical.
And then last night, Mister Lost. It. He flipped his noodle, he went coo-coo for coco puffs, he dropped his basket, he went CRACKERS! and Crissy found him just rolling around on the bed, clutching his stomach with tears streaming down his face. He wasn’t even making a sound. He was just sort of like, convulsing in the fetal position.
And all he could say between gasps was “all the fucking nails! What the fuck?”
You see Queefies, Mister is a guy who is Good With Tools (of every variety) and he can fix/build/destroy anything in the whole world. He could make Macgyver his Bitch for Life, he’s so Good With Tools and holy shit you guys you should see the deck he built Crissy! She’d show you pictures but he’s making a patio and some more stairs going off the deck and so she’ll show you when he’s all finished and Crissy can make it all pretty for the camera.
What Crissy is saying is that Mister could build that rabbit cage with his dick and NO HANDS! and it’s just driving him b-a-n-a-n-a-s to listen to Dinkus next door with all the rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeoooooorrrrrrr sawing and then the ptang!ptang!ptang! nail gunning every night.
And next he’ll probably have to POWER WASH the thing because there is never a night that goes by without that bullshit starting up at the precise moment when Girlfriend and Homeslice are being put to bed.
And Crissy didn’t mean for this post to be a rant about Earl and Maudette but it’s turning into one so she’s just going to roll with it AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
They’re always burning shit.
Crissy’s house smells like fucking Camp Theroofisonfire now and Crissy hates that smell and it’s why she doesn’t go camping. Well, it’s one reason besides the whole shitting in the woods and inevitably wiping with poison oak and there being no hair dryer and also they have BUGS at camping and Crissy doesn’t do bugs.
Unfortunately for Crissy, Earl and Maudette are very sweet and nice and Maudette made the cutest blanket for Homeslice and so Crissy cannot fuck with them or throw things at them and it makes her so frustrated she winds up writing ranty blog posts about them instead because apparently, she’s THAT passive aggressive.
But there’s good news here, Queefies. The cage is done now and Mister can relax.
Crissy is just hoping they’re not planning to eat the bunnies in the cage.
PS: Remember Crissy told you about the sexxxy new job? Comeseecomeseecomesee! Leave a comment and make Crissy look like the Queen everyone knows she is!