Last night this book came across Crissy’s desk and at first she rolled her eyes and was all “stop it you silly lesbian” but then as she read through it started to make some sense to her and so she’s going to give it a whirl and see how we do with it.
Poor Jillian. They try to make her pretty.
Crissy is being mean to Jillian because Jillian makes Crissy’s fanny hurt. Jillian is a whore. A sweaty whore.
So do you Queefies know what Crissy has decided to do for you because she is magnanimous and loving?
Since lots of you are probably like Crissy and you don’t have time to be driving to no gym to work out and shit and you don’t have a million monies to buy workout DVDs that suck, she is going to do you a favor and test them for you and give you the full report and if it’s hard enough or silly enough, Crissy might do a demonstration video for you. If you’re lucky
Crissy is also considering doing this with porn for girls because that’s pretty hard to find too.
and you promise to bury your face in her crotchals.
OMG but NO demonstration video!
Why can’t Crissy turn off the italics???
So the first one that Crissy will review for you is this one called Banish Fat Boost Metabolism by Jillian Michaels since the theme for today is anyone? anyone?
The Sweaty Whore.
Crissy liked her rather a lot on the Biggest Loser Cardio Workout and so she gave this a try. At first, Crissy thought the workout was for little pussy girls because at one point during the warm-up Jillian said “your heart should be banging out of your chest right about now” and Crissy was like, “not so much” and then!
It sneaked up on Crissy and she was praying for sweet, sweet baby Jesus to come and drink from her breast and then take her away to heaven because that Jillian was kicking Crissy’s fanny all over the place! At one point, Crissy was sure she could see David and Grandma Helen pointing and laughing and telling her to just go into the light but really it turned out to be the sun coming through the window and Crissy didn’t recognize it because it only just rains here now.
By the end of the thing, Crissy pretty much felt her lungs burning and her legs were shaky which is a really good feeling. The cool down stretching totally sucked though and Crissy wound up with that awful blue balls feeling and so she did some yogacizing to make up for it (speaking of yoga, ever done like an hour of power yoga and then rubbed one out? Try it. You’ll be stoned as a motherfucker all day… not that Crissy knows anything about that). The next day, Crissy was moderately sore so the workout did something.
Crissy gives this DVD 5 out of 6 Queef stars and Crissy plans to come up with a better rating system for next time because she plans on doing this at least once a month or whenever the hell she feels like it. The Queefs are to help her by making suggestions of videos they want Crissy to review for them if she can possibly get her hands on them otherwise the next one is Turbo Jam.
Or Hip Hop Abs.
Are you Queefs pumped? Crissy is pumped!