Or, well, less rich if you’re Crissy and you ‘re back at work and you’re feeling like a very fancy lady because you have a j-o-b and p-a-y-c-h-e-c-k after many weeks of being utterly financially destitute and before anyone says “but Crissy! You bought a fancy new refrigerator and a super-duper mattress this summer. Surely you couldn’t have been too poor!” Crissy will tell you that those were birthday gifts from her Fairy Stepmother and really Crissy and Mister were very, very po’ all summer long.
In fact, the only time they went out together was on Crissy’s birthday. That’s the last time Crissy has had restaurant food that didn’t come in a paper wrapper.
Yes.
Po’
And Crissy didn’t buy any new anythings all summer and so now she’s just going bullshit with the bank card and Mister is sort of being cool about it– that is until he sees what she did last night at Old Navy.
But she got matching little skirts for the babies because how fucking cute is that?!
They needed the skirts and all the other stuff or else they’ll have naked little bums and that’s not good!
ahem…
Crissy may be shoving those condoms she bought the other day firmly up her ass as Mister will not want to make any Sexy Time with a spendthrift like Crissy. OR more likely is that Mister will be shoving his becondomed wenis up Crissy’s bum in an effort to recoup the damage she did to his credit card(s).
Actually, he won’t need the condom if he’s shoving his wenis up Crissy’s bum, will he?
But Mister should be nice to Crissy and not give her his dull speech about mortgage payments because she finally stopped with the wanting the new car thing (for the next fifteen minutes anyways) and she’s saving hundreds of thousands of dollars in formula (yes, Homeslice eats that much, you should see her!) by doing The Breastfeeding and also The Breastpumping while standing up in the men’s staff bathroom instead of eating during her dinner break so she says if Mister has a problem with her spending he should should pour himself a nice big glass of shuthefuckuporCrissywillstopbreastfeedingandthenwe’llreallybepoor.
Also, Crissy might have an exciting new job and she will not tell the Queefs about it just in case it doesn’t happen, but it will mean tens more dollars just flying right into Crissy’s pocketbook and that will indeed make Crissy a very fancy lady.
Perhaps Crissy will even get this because a fancy lady needs a fancy purse for all the fancy money she will have:
Do you not just want to take this purse out for dinner and then take it home and lick it all up and down, Queefies?
Crissy does.
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I just stopped by your blog and thought I would say hello. I like your site design. Looking forward to reading more down the road.
You’re practically saving money by tabling the new car issue!
Ben’s last blog post… Enter the Cosmos
its totally legit spending. Getting bags and purses and matching skirts. you NEED those things.
CuppyCakes’s last blog post… About My Bestie…
“becondomed wenis”
best description ever
That’s not nice to tell us about a new job and then not tell us about a new job. Hrmph. I’m going to be pouty all day long. And I hope YOU bought a matching skirt, too. And maybe one for mister. Because doesn’t he know that if you wear skirts, underwear is optional? So he could be technically bottom free all day long.
k8’s last blog post… 180
You can certainly make your case to Mister by listing all the things you AREN’T buying. Surely you are saving thousands that way!
Lynne’s last blog post… It’s monday again and you know what that means
wait’ll you see what’s coming in the mail….
Ben- Exactly! And the purse is way less money than a new Saab.
Cuppycakes- See? You get what I’m saying!
Pimp- I was actually sort of in love with that one myself.
K8- No pouting. Things will be revealed to you at the proper time. Mister will undoubtedly try to fit into the skirt. He likes skirts…
Lynne- Like I’m NOT buying tickets to that Trinity thing on the break room table. Only Cranit has that kind of dough.
Rach- WHAT IS IT???? When???
Crissy’s last blog post… Gettin’ paid, gettin’ laid, gettin’ rich
I meant to ask this last week… Don’t you not need the condoms when you’re doing the breast feeding?
Patty- It’s not 100% protection. You can still ovulate and get periods while breastfeeding even though most people don’t. I did with Girlfriend, so I probably will this time too. That’s what made it so scary.
Ahhh… So you’re not “most people”? Got it.
patty: you basically need to be feeding on demand no less frequently than once every 6 hours, and ONLY feeding breastmilk exclusively, and NOT getting your period.
we had 2 out of 3.
we’re no longer rolling dice,
so we’re not taking any more chances…
buttsecks!
Could you also pump the milk to be used in everything else? Because that would save on buying milk for you and the Mister too.
Marie’s last blog post… Friendships Over Coffee
Pimp – Is there anything you don’t know?
You should tell Mister that you’d save on gas and car maintenance and have more moola for the mortgage if he’d just get you that damn bike already. Not that you’d would bike to work, but you don’t have to tell him that.
Dingo’s last blog post… Pound Of Flesh
Where do I find a fairy stepmother? Do I get that at a leather bar? The local International Male? You tell me. I want that.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Preschool!
That purse is nice but I’m holding out for one of these bad boys : http://www.butlerbag.com/default.aspx
Guess I need to get me one of those Fairy Stepmoms… cuz my dad’s girlfriend didn’t even email me on my birthday this year.
Looking forward to hearing the juicy new job details once you’ve got it in the bag!
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Reinventing….Me!
I lick all of my purses up and down, and they don’t even require dinner first. Just be careful of the zipper.
Akilah Sakai’s last blog post… Johnny Testicles
Oh, Crissy, I hope I hope I hope you get your fancy new job. I’m not that big on purses, but that purse is indeed delicious, and would be a proper accessory for a well-employed Queen.
Wait, did you get the porn for women gig?
Yeah, sure you want to take that purse out to dinner and then take it home and lick it all up and down. But trust me, that too shall pass. I’ve done exactly that many times and then the next morning you wake up and you want nothing more than to kick the purse to the curb. Avoid that awkward start to your day: take the purse to a nearby hotel instead of bringing it home. That way you can just sneak out in the middle of the night and leave it there.
stoogepie’s last blog post… Mister Shorts Number 9
No chocolate dick soap? Thats racist.