Crissy goes back to work, sees an asshole in some pants, says fanny a lot

So yesterday Crissy went back to work and they cleaned her desk for her and made it all impossible to find shit pretty and everything and her friend Celina left her a cake and it was vanilla cake with whipped cream frosting and lots of pink on it and it was really good you guys and Crissy just sat there trying hard not to eat the entire thing so as not to get a big fanny which was a miserable failure probably because Crissy went and got a knife and a dish and brought it back to her desk and just kept putting more cake but she figured she deserved it because there she was, at her old desk again and it felt very much like she never left except for the 1,126 emails she had to sift through because that’s what happens when you’re the Queen.

People email you a lot and a lot about the size of your “man meat” and about make the ladies scream with pleasures in the bed and about the Acai berry and about VIAGRA 80% off!

And there was a welcome back-ish note on the fridge in the break room that said “Guess who’s coming on August 17?” and then someone else wrote some discontentedness because it was Crissy who was coming back to work and not George Clooney coming to visit and let the librarians touch his fanny. Did Crissy ever tell you they celebrate his birthday at the library?

Yes.
With cake.
And they talk all about his fanny as they smear cake on their chestals and say things like “George, George, oh George! I’m long overdue for a checkout! Place a hold on me George! Hold me! Take off your dust jacket and show me your hardcover!”

Not really, but they do have the cake and the fanny talk.

But they also celebrated Crissy’s coming back to work with cake so she supposes she’ll let them talk about and maybe even touch her fanny and possibly her chestals too. Crissy thinks her fanny is probably nicer than George’s. It’s smoother at the very least.

Everyone likes Crissy’s fanny.

And the night was pretty quiet and stuff and pretty much the highlight was the cake and Crissy letting her friends touch her fanny and also being called to the circulation desk by Erin to check out an asshole wearing a pink polo shirt and these pants on his fanny:

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27 comments

  1. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? You take a DV on the day I’m supposed to come back and you just expect me to let you touch my fanny just like that? I’m going to have to think about it.

  2. one question that must be answered is how old the gentleman in the plaid pants and pink polo shirt was.

    if he’s past a certain age, say 70, he might actually be able to pull it off…

  3. Did you know that in England “fanny” usually means vagina, not butt? Yeah. It’s true. I pointed out an awful tourist while I was visiting a friend in Nottingham and said, “Look at her fanny pack!” My friend spit out her beer and asked me what the eff I was talking about.
    Oops.
    .-= Cal’s last blog post… Artwork for sale =-.

  4. There is seldom, if ever, cake where I work so.. YAY CAKE! But, yeah… work is a bummer but then the whole Stay-At-Home-Mom thing is no picnic so…until we win the lottery we put up and blog about it, right?

    Also, those pants… ummmm NO.

    And, I would be in line for “touch Crissy’s Fanny” Day at the library. For serious!
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Thank you, Mr. POSSLQ =-.

  5. those pants are definitely seen out and about in FL…sorry about the Clooney Day–I want a Matthew McConnaughey day…we can NOT wear deodorant, eat cake, get stupid and play bongos in other people’s houses. Sans all pants…

  6. I was in FL very recently and saw those very pants for sale. And guess what? NOT CHEAP!!! They even have them as shorts and skirts for the ladies. Equal opportunity I guess.

  7. The question that has been worrying my mind is: If you go back to work will you still have time for Barbie pix? There. I said it.
    Working mothers everywhere will hang me in effigy for my treasonous doubting. Curse me,scorn me,spank me if you will,
    but I likes the Barbie stories. I am willing to start a campaign to raise the funds necessary for purchase of a fridge slut nanny so you have the time to create your art. Who’s with me?

    “Please consider a generous donation to the *need a name* fund so that we may continue our important work in the preservation of the Barbie Stories. Help us to keep this art form alive”
    “Donors at the $500 level receive a free lap dance”

  8. BTW-how much does a fridge slut nanny go for?

    Mr.Pimp,it’s true. You may want to polish up your routine. Maybe you should join Crissy in the am yoga. You’ll need to be limber for our big donors.

  9. I made it official today that I have a fanny and mine is only for show, no touching, much less poking or face consequences.

    Now, some dude wearing those pants is only looking to get owned doggy style or some shit.
    .-= Porkus Maximus’s last blog post… Confession time: Out of the closet. =-.
    Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

  10. Hi, I discovered your site a number of weeks ago and have ploughed through all the info quietly. I thought should write my firstpost. Unsure of what to comment but here goes. Nice site. Will visit in a while to hear more of what you have to offer.

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