So yesterday Crissy went back to work and they cleaned her desk for her and made it all
impossible to find shit pretty and everything and her friend Celina left her a cake and it was vanilla cake with whipped cream frosting and lots of pink on it and it was really good you guys and Crissy just sat there trying hard not to eat the entire thing so as not to get a big fanny which was a miserable failure probably because Crissy went and got a knife and a dish and brought it back to her desk and just kept putting more cake but she figured she deserved it because there she was, at her old desk again and it felt very much like she never left except for the 1,126 emails she had to sift through because that’s what happens when you’re the Queen.
People email you a lot and a lot about the size of your “man meat” and about make the ladies scream with pleasures in the bed and about the Acai berry and about VIAGRA 80% off!
And there was a welcome back-ish note on the fridge in the break room that said “Guess who’s coming on August 17?” and then someone else wrote some discontentedness because it was Crissy who was coming back to work and not George Clooney coming to visit and let the librarians touch his fanny. Did Crissy ever tell you they celebrate his birthday at the library?
And they talk all about his fanny as they smear cake on their chestals and say things like “George, George, oh George! I’m long overdue for a checkout! Place a hold on me George! Hold me! Take off your dust jacket and show me your hardcover!”
Not really, but they do have the cake and the fanny talk.
But they also celebrated Crissy’s coming back to work with cake so she supposes she’ll let them talk about and maybe even touch her fanny and possibly her chestals too. Crissy thinks her fanny is probably nicer than George’s. It’s smoother at the very least.
Everyone likes Crissy’s fanny.
And the night was pretty quiet and stuff and pretty much the highlight was the cake and Crissy letting her friends touch her fanny and also being called to the circulation desk by Erin to check out an asshole wearing a pink polo shirt and these pants on his fanny:
- How come Doosh gets to be on Oprah and Crissy doesn’t?
- Crissy is Cake’s Bitch (AGAIN!)
- The flipping flip fone. Stop yelling at Crissy! She knows how to spell phone she’s just trying to be cute with all the fs and everything.
- Asses @ Your Library
- I have nothing for you except some updates and you’re going to love it because I have nothing for you except some updates.