Crissy is going back to work on Monday Queefies and it’s got her thinking about the other jobs she’s had in her life and how they’ve all been temporary and her job at Schmuckytown Pubic was supposed to be just a soft place to land whilst she collected her head after Grad school and it turns out she’s still collecting her head after 7 years at a job she doesn’t totally hate but knows she’s not destined for and really she’s sort of lazy in the whole career finding department as evidenced by her resume which she will now demonstrate for the Queefs.
Crissy used to work at a restaurant but her boss was a total perv and always said inappropriateness to Crissy and felt her on her fanny every chance he got:
Crissy should have sued that fucker and prolly wouldn’t have to even worry about work ever again in her life because it was a large chain restaurant and if any of you Queefs who know which one spills the beans Crissy will kill you twice. Don’t embarrass Crissy in front of her Queefs. But what the hell did Crissy know about sexual harassment? She was 17.
And then in college she worked at a panty store called Cacique which now sells underwears for the BBW’s but at the time was sort of fancy and frenchy and Crissy did bra fittings on sweaty women with floppy tits at the mall.
And that is where she met her very first stalker who would hide behind the penoir sets and follow her home in his Chevy Blazer with his mustache because apparently the only thing sexier than panties is a girl pushing them at four pairs for $20.
And then after college, Crissy worked as a secretary for a lawyer named Fred.
Crissy made Fred do all the work.
And then Crissy went to Grad school because everyone knows the only thing more useless than a BA in English is an MA in English and so Crissy went to get one of those and her very first job the summer after graduation was working for a woman who ran an agency that taught rich/powerful people how to do community service and she brought Crissy along whenever she negotiated contracts for fancy parties which was quite often because if rich people are going to do something for The Poor there had better be a decent buffet god dammit.
And after that Crissy worked at The Gap.
It was boring and humiliating and Crissy barely remembers anything about it except that it was the best thing to ever happen to Mister’s wardrobe because the discount was totally rad.
But after Grad School, Crissy had it in her head that she might want to become a school librarian and so she applied for a job doing that at a Catholic school. What possessed Crissy to choose that particular venue to test out teacherhood is beyond her and it is also beyond her how she got hired and on the very first day she read to the children about population control.
And then in May she was fired for showing porn to them which she did not do. Crissy was the victim of a Catholic C-O-N spiracy to have her fired. Crissy had to go to therapy to sort herself out after what the Catholics did to her.
That, dear Queefies, is how Crissy came to work at Schmuckytown Pubic and although it’s not her dream job or anything, it’s still okay for now and it sure as hell beats stay at home motherhood. Crissy has been losing her shit.