Saving the planet, one tampon at a time

So the other day, Crissy’s Rachel called her to remind her of a Wonderful Product and you know how Crisy loves Wonderful Products and since today is Rachel’s birthday, Crissy thought it would be a good day to write about it and to dedicate this post to her.  She will be thrilled.

It is this Queefies:

It’s the Diva Cup and it does this:

It catches The Bloods and then you dump it out into the toilet instead of using a tampon and filling up the landfill.  OR! If you are truly serious about the whole Reduce, Reuse, Recycle thingy and you are a particularly creative dirty hippie, it can become an all natural hair color. OR! You can use it to tie die your organic hemp tee shirts! OR! You can use it as a special secret ingredient in your World Famous Meat Sauce or your Extra Chunky Salsa recipe!

It’s totally awesome!

And Crissy doesn’t know about you Queefs, but The Diva Cup is just what our planet has needed all these years because apparently the landfills are really so full of tampons that we need to be just collecting our Bloods in a cup to make more room for all our disposable Swiffers , toilet wand refills, plastic water bottles and other convenience products. And if there is ever a day when Crissy needs to use The Diva Cup to save money instead of buying all those expensive tampons, it will be there for her. Thank goodness! It will save her tens of dollars a year! And if Crissy is wearing her Diva Cup and it spills, well it’ll just be one of those humiliating, character building experiences and we all know that Crissy needs to build her character because wearing a dress covered in baby shit isn’t enough so thank goodness for the Diva Cup!

But you know what Queefies?

At present Crissy is not diva enough for The Diva Cup but if she changes her mind she’ll let you know.

Happy Birthday Rachel!

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47 comments

  1. I literally said out loud whilst reading this, “wait, what?” to the Diva Cup. I reread it and was still a bit on the grodied out side. I am also full of questions. How does one shove that giant cup up a tiny opening? I mean, squeezing out a baby is one thing because the body dilates. During regular menses, it does not. Second, do you keep reusing the same cup? Um gross. Third, you almost made me lose my breakfast with your creative uses of the cup’s contents.

    I say the best way to save the planet and not spend any monies on feminine hygiene? Just always stay pregnant. Do you know how much money you saved for more than 9 months of pregnancy?! No Midol (or other products), no tampons, no overeating (oh wait, you probably emotionally ate whilst pregnant), etc. Then the kids we produce can come up with ways to save the planet when we’re done with it. Win-Win.

  2. Hi Crissy,

    I just found your blog and I’m so happy I did. This is hilarious!
    Did you know that some people even knit their own REUSABLE tampons!!! I’d put the link here but I’m scared my comment will be spammed. So then instead of just dumping out the blood you then have to WASH it, WITH your clothes. Not to mention the embarrassment when people ask what you’re knitting.
    .-= Inna’s last blog post… I found a puppy… =-.

  3. Reusable knit tampons…that is really gross. I have heard about the cups before, my friend uses another brand and loves them. She says that they work really well and never leak. On a totally different note, it is David’s birthday today also.

  4. Happy Birthday, Rachel. I hope you are not needing your Diva Cup today. (Cuz birthdays are more fun if you aren’t bleeding)

    Happy Birthday and THANK YOU, David!

    Hair dye? Really? I just cannot imagine that there would be a way you could get that to smell ok. And tie dye? I’d be worried about coyotes or something hunting me (again the whole blood smell thing). Cooking? Ummmm….NO! If I am in need of iron, I’ll eat some dark, leafy greens.

    But there is some company that has you send it in to them and then harvests stem cells and stuff from it and it can be your own personal bloodbank (blood of the month club, I guess) http://tinyurl.com/kttyl9

    And, I am not Diva enough, yet, either. But, I’ll let you know…
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… What day is it?? =-.

  5. Okay–I just HAVE to say, OH, HELL NO!!

    I’ve seen other posts about these diva cups…and the debate over planet earth vs. GROSS……..blah blah blah.

    If you are woman enough to deal with the cups….go for it. As for me? No way…….I’ll tampon it all the way, because I just don’t deal well with the gross…….

    Sorry, eco friendly people……I just can’t.

  6. I gagged at the extra chunky salsa. And Hell to the NO. I will not deal with blood in that manner. Did you know that most emergency medical kits come with tampons because if you’re bleeding out, they can shove one in there and it will absorb a ton of blood really fast? You don’t see them trying to just put a little cup over it, do you? NO. And knitted reusable tampons? NO NO NO NO NO. I have enough trouble using regular tampons without gagging.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Anticipation =-.

  7. I just can’t figure out how to deal with this thing out in public. Ya, I’m at Target and the cupeth runneth over…and I have to go in a stall, reach up and pull this out?? Then walk out of the stall with *ick* all over my hands for my fellow shoppers to see?? Are we supposed to bring wipes and a paper bag to store it in? Dump it out and keep it in our purses? It is so disturbing. I’m going to stick to old fashioned methods, thanks!

  8. I briefly used something like the Diva thingy years ago, when I was more idealistic. I’m not sure about never leaking…..I think it might have overfloweth once. The public restroom issue was what did it in for me. Most inconvenient, to say the least.

  9. Melissa Lion… If you were, however, to knit a largish, tampon shaped creation & put some eyes on it and stuff it – “voila” you’d have the knitted tampon equivalent of a Pet Rock. (I’ll bet someone has thought of this, though…)
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… What day is it?? =-.

  10. I’d actually like to try the Diva Cup but can’t get myself to shell out the $35 for something I may not like and if I don’t it’s not something I can, ya know, sell at a garage sale…
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… What day is it?? =-.

  11. I’m a microbiologist and frequently have to play in people’s shit (not baby shit, but gross, stinky grown up people shit). I’m used to shit, but THIS makes me gag.

  12. My mind is momentarily stunned and I am slow to process some of the images I just saw…
    But I do have a few questions:
    What kind of yarn does one use to knit the tampons? Would this one work: http://www.lionbrand.com/yarns/fancyFur.htm ?

    As for the FUD-How many times would a girl find herself having to cop a squat before she learns to go before she leaves the house? (I clicked on “demo video” in anticipation of a really good chuckle but was disappointed)

    Is the Diva cup dishwasher safe?

    I will worry about these issues of practicality another time, right now I have to rethink the dinner menu….

    THANK YOU DAVID!!

  13. This post was so informative that it almost made me want to get my period so I could toy with the idea of using a Diva Cup or knitting tampons.

    Well, not really. But this was a very informative post.

    Happy Birthday, David! Also, thank you very much, David.

    Mister is right: the google ads are awesome today!
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Stoogepiety: The Stoogepie Story =-.

  14. Mentally disturbed, I am from a different part of the world than both the Queen and the queefs…. I hope they dont sell Diva cups here…. eew eew eew! Recently had a surgeon doing things to my lady parts (in surgery not in a I bagged a hot doctor way) and had to wear big mattress pads for a week, most uncomfortable to say the least and now you want me to put a cup up there ? – not on your life!

    Would that make you walk like a cowgirl (cause you know cowboys eat with there hats on) – all bandy legged?

    My ladyparts have had enough intrusion… I’m so not saving the planet this way! Although I have thought that if I give up food and water and stick to vodka my carbon footprint will reduce…?
    .-= Emmz’s last blog post… Playing with fire . . . =-.

  15. I use one–they are great and putting it in/taking it out/emptying it are all no problemo. I bought it from a dirty hippie store in New Hampshire that also sold purses made out of candy bar wrappers. I am not diva enough for a candy bar wrapper purse, though.
    .-= Heidi Renée’s last blog post… Home Improvement =-.

  16. THANK YOU FOR MY POST TODAY!

    Everyone got so excited–it’s taken me a long time read everything to comment…but I think that we should get one and fill it with cherry jello mixed with bits of strawberry puree or other gross goodies…

    definitely NOT salsa though–I have too much respect for salsa.

    jello can suck it.

  17. OK, so I used a diaphragm for a bunch of years, and also had two kids in close succession who used cloth diapers…bodily secretions ARE gross but you just deal with them. You DO blow your nose occasionally, right? Women in the Civil War used to wash cloth bandages to be reused on the injured soldiers. We are way too wussy these days.

  18. I use a Diva cup and it’s fab. It can be a pain if it needs to be changed and a lady is at Target. But, it’s also so convenient enough that one generally has enough time to plan a dump and clean before going to Target.

    Ummm, and I love to knit and I love to save the earth. But, there is NO. WAY. I’m knitting myself (or anyone else, for that matter) some tampons. Gnarly.
    .-= chickenlips’s last blog post… beach =-.

  19. I meant to come back here earlier yesterday… Thank you to Crissy’s pimp for linking the tampons, that was the exact page. I guess not that many people have knitted tampons on their websites…

    As for the ideas for the Diva cups…. ummmm, I’m not so sure if I’d take a jello shot from one. Maybe if I had a few tequila shots first. 😉
    .-= Inna’s last blog post… With a cherry on top. =-.

  20. I actually use a Diva Cup too, and it’s awesome. I’ll never go back. You can’t feel it, it never leaks. I empty mine twice a day, and that’s just for hygiene, not because it’s overflowing.

  21. My guts hurt from laughing:)

    I know a chick who swears by these things! -Just thinking about retrieving, rinsing, and reinserting makes me a bit ill, so I’ll leave the world saving to her for now.

    And Brava, the chili thing almost made me hurl.

  22. i pointed out to crissy this very morning that there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of folks who have actually TRIED a diva cup, and DIDN’T like it…

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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