Crissy had such a very, very bizzy weekend and she knows you were all so sad yesterday when you came to visit Crissy and saw that she had nothing to tell you but it wasn’t true it was just that she had other stuff to do because the Queen is a very, very important lady with many other things to attend to you know and so stop being so needy.
Because shit you guys.
So at some point during the weekend Mister’s childhood bestie who lives far away did not come over with his family and Crissy did not take this picture of the obviously virile studs and all their offspring.
It appears that Homeslice is checking out her future husband’s junk. Crissy didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s mostly just diaper bulge at this point and that she shouldn’t get too excited. Save that surprise for the wedding night.
Also on the 4th, Crissy and Mister and Girlfriend and Homeslice did not go to a 4th a of July shindig hosted by Crissy’s dad, Papa, and her step-mom and Crissy’s step-mom did not overdose on Ambien accidentally on purpose and then stay awake hallucinating the whole time. She did not tell Crissy that she needed to send a thank you note to the fishermen who gave her the best hooks and the best spot on the boat because she’s John Urban’s great-granddaughter and they don’t do that for just anyone, you know. Crissy doesn’t even know who the hell John Urban is and she’s pretty sure her step-mom doesn’t either. She also did not ask Crissy how she liked her flounder trimmed and she did not go around pouring people’s beer into her “water bottle” when she thought no one was looking.
She did not.
And Crissy’s dad was not so far up Crissy’s brother’s ass that she swears it looked like her brother had two heads and Crissy’s brother did not take Mister for a death ride in his Dune Buggy with a six five pack of Narragansett right there on the floor
for the occifers to find when they got pulled over for STANDING UP WHILE DRIVING DOWN CHAPEL STREET
Crissy is no expert driver or anything but she knows you’re not supposta drive while standing up and call her a goody goody but “don’t die” is sort of Crissy’s motto and so she shouted “he has TWO CHILDREN BILLY!” at her brother before they did not go on a ride.
And then on Sunday it was Alena’s birthday and so the Crissys didn’t do that either and they had a wonderful time not doing it and Michele did not whip out her boobies
but she did play the bongos for us.
Or did she?
No. She didn’t.
OR DID SHE???
That’s Crissy’s house behind her.
Or is it?
Yes. It’s not.
OR IS IT???
And while at the party Crissy did not eat three pieces of chocolate cake, a half pound of Doritos, 1/2 pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, Fritos, pie, 3 beers and a gigantor glass of wine as big as Crissy’s head, and about 9 tablespoons of extra creamy whipped cream which she did not smear all over her face in ecstasy which didn’t make Michele laugh.
She did not.
OR DID SHE???