Everybody wants a piece of Crissy OR An emo post about Crissy feeling like a dishrag and getting no sympathy

Crissy is not feeling very fun today Queefies.

It’s cloudy and rainy again just like every day and Crissy cleans the house every day and comes down in the morning and somehow some naughty little house elves have fucked the place up while Crissy slept and Crissy weighed herself and she actually gained weight even though she’s been kicking her own ass every chance she gets and she’s even sitting here right now with her protein water and her not one but TWO sports bras on in preparation for another hour of effort for nothing and also Mister is sulking  because he’s mad at Crissy because she does not want to do the Sexy Time and no matter what Crissy’s intentions are throughout the day and no matter how she caffeinates herself, by the time Girlfriend is in bed and Homeslice  is finally quiet for at least part of the night, all Crissy wants is to sit quietly and for nobody to touch her or demand anything from her.

Crissy is doing her best and failing at making everyone happy and so she’s feeling all used up, Queefies.

And so she’s all Emo today.

That Mattress Slut really would come in handy about now…

Somebody get Crissy a Mattress Slut so Crissy won’t have to feel guilty for sleeping.

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27 comments

  1. 🙁 I cannot help with the mattress slut issue. If I had one I would be using it myself to catch up on IMPORTANT things like going to the movies, reading, not even touching myself, etc. and I wouldn’t share.

    Your friend is a selfish bee-otch.

  2. How about the wild ones and I come over and they play with girlfriend and homeslice sleeps and you go and take a nap. I would be doing me a favor keeping the wild ones busy for me.

  3. If I lived closer, I’d come babysit for a couple of days and help clean your house so you can sleep and eventually feel like the Sexy Time with Mister again. Also, I read an article on the internets recently that says it is legal in your neck of the woods for teens to strip. So doll up GF and pass her off as a teen and she can get out of the house for a few hours a night and earn some money for you to buy a mattress slut for Mister.

  4. You clean? With a baby and a toddler?

    Another reason to be in awe of you. I just sit and watch the filth build up around me. And drink my boxed wine and flip those channels.

    Now who’s a failure?

  5. I’ll echo Daisee and say that if I lived closer, I would come help out (which says something because you know MsDarkstar is not all with the lovin’ of childrens).

    And if you have been working out then maybe the weight gain is muscle tissue. And even on her worst day, Crissy is a million billionty times more teh sexay than me.

    And since Sexy Time with Mister is what got you the 2 kids and all the tired in the first place, I can understand a certain lack of enthusiasm on your part.

    I, for one, very much adore and appreciate you. I hope the rainy stuff quits soon and Crissy feels better.
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… History =-.

  6. Screw working out. That’s what giving Homeslice boobie juice is for.

    By the way, I got a new mattress last week and no Mattress Slut came with it either. It must be a conspiracy.

    I would totally be the random stranger to come and help you with the kids so you could sleep. But well… I live 1000’s miles away. But it is raining here too.
    .-= Twila’s last blog post… Givin’ Some Wood =-.

  7. Damn, Crissy. Sorry your feeling all jacked up right now. It’s just a bad spell and with the rain and shit, it makes it all feel worse. It’ll pass soon enough.
    .-= Akilah Sakai’s last blog post… Zingers! =-.

  8. It’s been a year since my second was born and I stillhave no interest in sexy time. Even when they are sleeping my head won’t stop reeling. So, sorry. If it makes you feel better, I”m pretty sure my husband isn’t thrilled with me either!

  9. Kids are different today, I hear ev’ry mother say
    Mother needs something today to calm her down
    And though she’s not really ill, there’s a little yellow pill
    She goes running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper
    And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day

    The Rolling Stones are never wrong.
    .-= Dingo’s last blog post… That’s Not In The Script =-.

  10. I’m sorry I haven’t commented in such a long time. I don’t have little ones, and they’re not really one of my interests don’t you know, and it’s a very good thing, since I haven’t had sex in two years. So there’s not much shared experience in the kid department, but I know you’ll feel like Sexy Time again sooner or later, since that’s how Homeslice came into being post-Girlfriend. So, yes, there’s hard physical evidence that there will be more Sexy Time. Meanwhile, I’m sorry about the weather……my father in Boston has been complaining. I’m also sorry about the Tired, and hope you feel better soon.

  11. I remember those days. They were rough. Luckily I had a c-section and couldn’t have sex for 6 weeks. Or was that driving? Oh, well, I figure if I couldn’t drive I sure as hell couldn’t have sex!

  12. –WHAT DOES THE QOFE HAVE IN COMMON WITH HELEN REDDY?–
    When I was little I remember my mother would, on occasion, listen to Helen Reddy records while doing some chores. Now that I am a mother I read your posts, as often as possible, while drinking some wine. What is the point of this comparison, you ask? Just this: you help people through their day. Pretty cool, I think. And you do it out of the goodness of your heart-or your sense of noblesse oblige. Either way you do a great thing-for Girlfriend, Homeslice, the Pimp, all your Queefs…give yourself the same gift you give us! Remember that you rock!
    KEEP: POSTPONE:
    the yoga the cleaning
    the sleep the sexytime (sorry Pimp)
    being awesome
    LOSE:
    the guilt

  13. the yoga, the sleep and being awesome were supposed to be in the KEEP list and the cleaning, and the sexytime were on the POSTPONE list.

    I’ll beat my secretary…..that’s what happens when you hire pro football players to be PA’s during the off-season….
    He’ll get a spanking good….

  14. Well, you finally lured me out of lurking. I’m a loyal follower, who is too lazy to pop out of the woodwork.

    As a fellow mother (of 3 girls) I just wanted to say DON’T feel guilty or pressured my Mister. My own Mister may never get any again, and I’m fairly guilt free… Maybe when the kids grow up and there is time to feel human again!!

  15. Oh, I am so sorry 🙁 it sucks so bad when you feel pulled in so many different directions, and when you feel guilty for wanting to take some solitude for yourself. I have sooo been there. Plus, I think that doctors are LYING when they say that eating right and excercising makes you skinny! I have YET to see MY results and I get soo frustrated! Hang in there….and cheer up! You could live in Arizona where I am and be HOPING and WISHING and PRAYING for rain to break up the monotony of days and days baking in the never ending sunshine. Hey, come to think of it….want to trade houses for a week??? Ha ha!!

  16. Alcohol used to bring on the Sexy Time feeling. Now it makes me sleep. My younger (of 2) is 3, and I can count on one hand the amount of times my nether region has had any action this year. I feel for ya…I’d rather be reading blogs than having sex…hey, here I am!

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