Oh wow Queefies!
The sun is out this morning!
Normally this would not be noteworthy but here in New England all the Queefs have been waking up to cold and cloudy skies for about six weeks straight. It’s been the coldest and rainiest summer on record.
But Crissy hopes it’s all done because the sun has been out for like, two days now and Crissy is feeling a lot less like running down pedestrians with her car just to cheer herself up.
And you know what she noticed as she came downstairs in the sunlight to write about something totally different this morning?
Crissy noticed that she has a lot of stuff.
Way, way, way too much stuff.
There’s stuff over here and stuff over there and holy shit the stuff is winning. It’s forming an army right now and it’s getting ready to take Crissy’s house away from her and so the Queen must take action. The stuff thinks Crissy cannot hear it whispering and planning a takeover when she’s walking by but she can hear it just fine you guys and she’s not gonna let her stuff makes her its bitch.
And so Crissy is saying it in front of all the Queefs so that she has witnesses and she’s going to learn how to sell stuff on Ebay and put stuff on Craigslist and she’s going to throw some stuff out and she’s going to stay the fuck away from the dollar bins at Target and she’s only going to drop stuff off at Saver’s and not buy anything no matter how cool or retro or how much it makes her think of her grandma and she’s going to have a gigantic yard sale where The Poor and the Dirty Foreign People will come by the carload and try to haggle with her over things that cost 25 cents and she will shout at them to get off her lawn and perhaps hit them a little bit on the face and jesus christ will somebody shut that baby up? It’s really hard to be the QOFE when there’s a baby crying upstairs and nobody seems to be doing anything about it, MISTER.
AnyhousefullofshitCrissyneedstogetridofandwillsomebodypleasemakethebabystopcrying, this is quite possibly the lamest post ever written and so Crissy is pretty proud of that and so now she’s going to take a small bow and then go and put a sock in that crying baby or maybe a boob or whatever but something must be done and will somebody tell Crissy why her neighbor’s son thinks it’s necessary to blast techno out of his car at 8 in the morning?
Is today Monday?
Crissy doesn’t even know.
- The Royal Weather Suckseth Royally.
- They may or may not take Homeslice away from us today
- What the Fuck is Wrong with People?
- The Aye-Aye. Quite possibly the scariest looking little fucker on the planet
- Crissy: Drowing in her own good intentions