Let’s Not & Say We Did

So wow.


Crissy had such a very, very bizzy weekend and she knows you were all so sad yesterday when you came to visit Crissy and saw that she had nothing to tell you but it wasn’t true it was just that she had other stuff to do because the Queen is a very, very important lady with many other things to attend to you know and so stop being so needy.

Because shit you guys.

So at some point during the weekend Mister’s childhood bestie who lives far away did not come over with his family and Crissy did not take this picture of the obviously virile studs and all their offspring.


It appears that Homeslice is checking out her future husband’s junk.  Crissy didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s mostly just diaper bulge at this point and that she shouldn’t get too excited.  Save that surprise for the wedding night.

Also on the 4th, Crissy and Mister and Girlfriend and Homeslice did not go to a 4th a of July shindig hosted by Crissy’s dad, Papa, and her step-mom and Crissy’s step-mom did not overdose on Ambien accidentally on purpose and then stay awake hallucinating the whole time.  She did not tell Crissy that she needed to send a thank you note to the fishermen who gave her the best hooks and the best spot on the boat because she’s John Urban’s great-granddaughter and they don’t do that for just anyone, you know.  Crissy doesn’t even know who the hell John Urban is and she’s pretty sure her step-mom doesn’t either.  She also did not ask Crissy how she liked her flounder trimmed and she did not go around pouring people’s beer into her “water bottle” when she thought no one was looking.

She did not.

And Crissy’s dad was not so far up Crissy’s brother’s ass that she swears it looked like her brother had two heads and Crissy’s brother did not take Mister for a death ride in his Dune Buggy with a six five pack of Narragansett right there on the floor


for the occifers to find when they got pulled over for STANDING UP WHILE DRIVING DOWN CHAPEL STREET


Crissy is no expert driver or anything but she knows you’re not supposta drive while standing up and call her a goody goody but “don’t die” is sort of Crissy’s motto and so she shouted “he has TWO CHILDREN BILLY!” at her brother before they did not go on a ride.

And then on Sunday it was Alena’s birthday and so the Crissys didn’t do that either and they had a wonderful time not doing it and Michele did not whip out her boobies


but she did play the bongos for us.

Or did she?

No. She didn’t.


That’s Crissy’s house behind her.

Or is it?

Yes. It’s not.


And while at the party Crissy did not eat three pieces of chocolate cake, a half pound of Doritos, 1/2 pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, Fritos, pie, 3 beers and a gigantor glass of wine as big as Crissy’s head, and about 9 tablespoons of extra creamy whipped cream which she did not smear all over her face in ecstasy which didn’t make Michele laugh.

She did not.


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  1. Wow! alla them kids remind me of the campground in Quebec where we spent the past weekend. Must be a French thing. Only thing missing from the pic is Labatt Bleue. Trade ya for some ‘Gansett when we get back to the States.

  2. I’m sorry that you didn’t have any fun. That my husband won’t be totally jealous of the dune buggy. That Mister isn’t hot…..that Mister’s bestie and his older son don’t look IDENTICAL…….

    I’m sorry that Lucy didn’t check out the package……you need to TEACH her these sort of things, Crissy!!
    .-= shelly’s last blog post… The Remote Starter =-.

  3. The only thing interesting about my weekend is that I procured the new nickname, Knockers. For my awesome booby-liciousness. And I didn’t know you had a brother. He looks tall. Why do you keep such things from me?
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Breaking News =-.

  4. Holy shit, did it actually stop raining????

    And also? Pimp’s bestie looks suspiciously like my old roommate. I haven’t talked to him in a while, maybe he got married and popped out three kids when I wasn’t looking. Hmmmm.

  5. I’m so confused! I feel the way you feel when you’ve turned too many times in a circle and then try to walk a lil’.

    Maybe it will be better if I read it upside down…

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