You Gotta Fight For Your Right to Paaaaaaaarrrrty!

So this post was supposed to go up yesterday but the bloody diarrhea just had to be discussed but the good news is that the nice doggie doctor said Alice will live to eat another diaper and that the blood is just from the strain of her poopy stomach and so a little ass-raping to the tune of $88 and Alice and Crissy were on their way home with some pills and a song in their hearts or something.

So that’s that.

And Crissy has some exciting news!

She left the house with Mister and they did not bring the little childrens!

Do you know where they went Queefies?

To the movies?

To a strip club for a couple of lap dances and a blow job?

To a fancy dinner to eat fancy steak and drink fancy drinks and say inappropriate things to the waitress?

Nay, nay peoples.

They went to the Eye Doctor.

The Crissys know how to fucking party so try not to want to stab yourself with scissors ’cause you’re so jealous of Crissy’s life but do you guys remember how Crissy feels about going to the dentist?

You do?

Well she feels even less enthusiastic about the eye doctor because of the whole face touching thing and the whole eye numbing thing.  You Queefs can understand that can’t you?  How freaky is it to have your eyes numbed and your pupils dilated?

It’s wicked freaky you guys.

Wicked.

Crissy has had enough things dilated as of late to last her a lifetime but she needed new glasses and so did Mister and so they went and the woman who owns the eye place is going to put Crissy and Mister’s picture up on her website because the glasses they picked out are totally going to raise their awesomeness quotient to like, unheard of levels.

Check it:

glasses

Crissy and Mister’s pupils are dilated in this picture and so they look like aliens or like they’re epically stoned but whatever because they’re famous now because they’re on a website.

Wait. This is a website isn’t it?

Huh.

AnyalreadyfamousCrissy, even though she will have the most awesome glasses ever, Crissy is totally bummed out because as it turns out she needs eye surgery.

WT Fucking F?

See this little tiny bump on her eyelid?

behold_MG_9597-24

Turns out that’s not so good and she has to have it operated on and they’re probably going to go ahead and remove her eye and so the best Crissy can hope for at this point is that they give her a sassy little pirate eye patch to wear or something.

AND…

AND!!!!

She has some broken blood vessels way in the back of her eye and the doctor says it could be from pushing Homeslice out, but it could also mean the beginnings of some scary shit for Crissy because remember how she said her mom is blind?

Yeah.

So Crissy will have to wait eight weeks for a re-check of the eye situation but in the meantime she will be alternately praying that it goes away and thinking of an awesome name for her cane because she can’t let her mom have the only cane with a cool name.

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31 comments

  1. Kick it!

    You wake up late for school man you don’t wanna go
    You ask you mom, “Please?” but she still says, “No!”
    You missed two classes and no homework
    But your teacher preaches class like you’re some kind of jerk

    You gotta fight for your right to party

    You pops caught you smoking and he said, “No way!”
    That hypocrite smokes two packs a day
    Man, living at home is such a drag
    Now your mom threw away your best porno mag (Busted!)

    [repeat chorus]

    Don’t step out of this house if that’s the clothes you’re gonna wear
    I’ll kick you out of my home if you don’t cut that hair
    Your mom busted in and said, “What’s that noise?”
    Aw, mom you’re just jealous it’s the Beastie Boys!

    [repeat chorus]
    .-= Crissy’s last blog post… monday, the twenty-second of june =-.

  2. I don’t mind the eye doctor as much as the dentist. However, about a year and a half ago, I went for a routine check-up. My eyes were bugging me and I thought it was because my new job required so much computer time. The oh-so-nice lady says, “you have something putting pressure on your optical nerve.” when I ask what that could be, she said “Oh, a tumor, bleeding on the brain, or fluid on the brain.” NONE OF WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THE GOOD OPTION!!!!! My hub was out of town and I immediately thought I had a brain tumor (who wouldn’t??) and was about to die. I cried and cried and cried. Turns out, I did have too much fluid on the brain – I had this fake brain tumor syndrome (seriously) and luckily for me medication took care of it. BUT WHO TELLS SOMEONE so CASUALLY that they might have a tumor or bleeding in the brain?????????

    I don’t go to that lady any more.

    Good luck with your eye problem. I am sure you will be just fine 🙂

  3. I can’t see the pictures at work. Hrmph. But I can’t wait, because normally people tell me I have the awesomest glasses in the whole wide world. And my eye doctor put MY picture up in his clinic too, because I pick out the funkiest ones always!

    And I have weird blood vessel thingies in the back of my eyeball too, but they have turned out to be something called optic nerve drusen. How’s THAT for a word? DRUSEN. Nice.

    Isn’t your birthday coming up?
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Crickets Across the Sea =-.

  4. So long as you get to wear glasses with bling on them, it should matter not whether you have to have surgery or not. Because you’ve got eye bling and that’s wicked cool!

  5. hrmph. the internet ate my comment. which is probably good, since it was inappropriate.

    those are HAWT glasses, though. if you do get a cane, i think it should also be bejeweled.
    .-= Alice’s last blog post… Eff that noise =-.

  6. I hate the eye doctor because he always tells me (with a laugh) that I am the BLINDEST person he has ever met. That I am seriously going to go blind any day now. I do not enjoy this joke. But I am hard-core nearsighted. I can’t even tell you my prescription because it’s so bad that it’s been classified by the government and I’d have to kill you and all of your blog readers. I have to special order my contacts because they don’t even keep my prescription in stock. It’s bad bad. My baby cries when I wear my glasses.

  7. Every single time I go for my annual contact lens exam, my vision has gotten worse. Every time! I’m not even a candidate for Lasik because my eyeballs won’t stabilize or something like that.

    Are those your real frames, or are they for role playing purposes?
    .-= Akilah Sakai’s last blog post… Don’t Bug Me =-.

  8. I too have great fear of the eye doctor. So much that I haven’t had my eyes dialated since I was fourteen. I panic and they let me go.

    BUT I have high blood pressure and terrible eye sight so, that means someday I will have to let someone put some shit in my eye. Or I too will need a pokey stick.
    .-= Kelly’s last blog post… Pull This Up =-.

  9. Pretty nice post. I just came across your blog and wanted to say
    that I’ve really liked browsing your blog posts. In any case
    I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon!

  10. Wait. Are you saying eyeballs are not supposed to look like that?

    You know, your mom has been the hottest blind MILF for some time. Yo, why don’t you let her keep the title? Must you be so competitive about everything?

    If not, can I design your cane for you?

    Please?

    Also, that bump on your eyelid got me hot. Serious.
    .-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Great Stories of the Bible 3 =-.

  11. oh man. you guys are cute in your glasses! I have to go back to the eye doctor about 8 months ago. Whoops.

    i hope your eye is okay. it probably won’t make you feel better, but my dog has a bump on his eyelid too that will probably have to be operated on. I hope, though, that you won’t have to wear a bucket on your head to stop you scratching at it afterwards..
    .-= CuppyCakes’s last blog post… Hello Lomo. =-.

  12. Sorry to hear about your eye problems. We just found out a few weeks ago that my son (5) is legally blind in both eyes. It is/was devastating news. I hope everything turns out ok for you!

  13. You gotta hold out for a glass eye. Think of all the fun you could have popping that thing out in front of kids and seeing them run away screaming.

    It’s for the kids.

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