So this post was supposed to go up yesterday but the bloody diarrhea just had to be discussed but the good news is that the nice doggie doctor said Alice will live to eat another diaper and that the blood is just from the strain of her poopy stomach and so a little ass-raping to the tune of $88 and Alice and Crissy were on their way home with some pills and a song in their hearts or something.
So that’s that.
And Crissy has some exciting news!
She left the house with Mister and they did not bring the little childrens!
Do you know where they went Queefies?
To the movies?
To a strip club for a couple of lap dances and a blow job?
To a fancy dinner to eat fancy steak and drink fancy drinks and say inappropriate things to the waitress?
Nay, nay peoples.
They went to the Eye Doctor.
The Crissys know how to fucking party so try not to want to stab yourself with scissors ’cause you’re so jealous of Crissy’s life but do you guys remember how Crissy feels about going to the dentist?
Well she feels even less enthusiastic about the eye doctor because of the whole face touching thing and the whole eye numbing thing. You Queefs can understand that can’t you? How freaky is it to have your eyes numbed and your pupils dilated?
It’s wicked freaky you guys.
Crissy has had enough things dilated as of late to last her a lifetime but she needed new glasses and so did Mister and so they went and the woman who owns the eye place is going to put Crissy and Mister’s picture up on her website because the glasses they picked out are totally going to raise their awesomeness quotient to like, unheard of levels.
Crissy and Mister’s pupils are dilated in this picture and so they look like aliens or like they’re epically stoned but whatever because they’re famous now because they’re on a website.
Wait. This is a website isn’t it?
AnyalreadyfamousCrissy, even though she will have the most awesome glasses ever, Crissy is totally bummed out because as it turns out she needs eye surgery.
WT Fucking F?
See this little tiny bump on her eyelid?
Turns out that’s not so good and she has to have it operated on and they’re probably going to go ahead and remove her eye and so the best Crissy can hope for at this point is that they give her a sassy little pirate eye patch to wear or something.
She has some broken blood vessels way in the back of her eye and the doctor says it could be from pushing Homeslice out, but it could also mean the beginnings of some scary shit for Crissy because remember how she said her mom is blind?
So Crissy will have to wait eight weeks for a re-check of the eye situation but in the meantime she will be alternately praying that it goes away and thinking of an awesome name for her cane because she can’t let her mom have the only cane with a cool name.
- Crissy’s New Glasses Came In! Crissy’s New Glasses Came In!
- Female Problems
- I didn’t see any of you at the flower show. Were you hiding?
- A blind lady, a pokey cane, a pregnant chick, a cute little girl, and a blown out Leonardo Di Caprio walk into Target
- Crissy has the Birthday Anxiety and the only cure is PRESENTS!