Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Holy cats Queefies!  It’s Monday already.

How the hell did that happen?

Crissy is so busy with little Homeslice and Girlfriend that she barely knows what day it is anymore and poor, poor Girlfriend is getting neglected to death.

Just look at her:


Someone ought to give her a bath.

And then they should clean up all the toys in the yard and then they should cut the grass.

Not only has Crissy lost track of time and day but she’s also lost her Dirty Foreign Slave Person and she may have accidentally left her at Target yesterday or something but nothing is getting done around the house these days and it’s just so hard to know which Dirty Foreign Slave Person to purchase because they all look like they’re made for hard work until you get them home and they complain about the beatings and the dirt pudding for dinner and then they’re unwilling to chase the car when Crissy buys too many things and over packs the trunk leaving no more room for the Dirty Foreign Slave Person to ride home and it’s just wearing Crissy out trying to keep track of everything.

Maybe Crissy should consider doing the work herself?


Just kidding.

Anylazyforeignslaveperson, life is turned pretty much on it’s ass over at the Crissy’s house.  Just this very morning Crissy and Mister found themselves watching an episode of True Blood and holy shit you guys is that an awesome show or what at 4:30 am because that is the only time they have when they are both awake and Girlfriend is asleep because True Blood is not appropriate for Girlfriend to watch and also as soon as Girlfriend goes to bed at night, so do Crissy and Mister but then Homeslice wakes up every morning at 4:30 to be fed and by the time that’s done, it’s almost time for Girlfriend to get up and so Crissy and Mister don’t bother going back to sleep because why?

It’s just a horrible, horrible, cruel tease and the Crissys won’t be played like that.

The Crissys prefer to take it in the pooper on their own terms whenever they can and all this being up all night and waking up at unreasonable times in the AM make Crissy remember when Girlfriend was new and Crissy vowed to never, ever have another baby and then wine happened and now there’s Homeslice and Crissy and Mister find themselves remembering what it was that made them vow that Girlfriend would be an only child and it’s not like they don’t like Homeslice or anything but these kids are awfully inconsiderate about people’s sleeping schedules and such.

Someone should complain.

And as Mister was unpacking Crissy’s breast pump a few days ago he began singing The Sound of Silence and so that is how Crissy got the title for this post in case you Queefies were wondering what it had to do with anything.

The Crissys live in the darkness now.

Like Vampires.

Like Eric the Vampire.

Crissy will write about him very soon and how he has made Edward look like the child he is and how perhaps even Mick St. John cannot possibly even come close to the hotness that is Eric and so that is your assignment, all you vampire loving Queefs.  Eric or Mick?  There will be a discussion this week. At some point.

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  1. Hi,

    I’ve been lurking in the shadows here for a week or so because I had to go back and read every post once I found you…hmmm stalker much? I promise not to demand your dirty undies and fair not I’m on the other side of the world at the arsehole of the earth….so you’re quite safe from me.

    You are actually the Queen of Fucking Everything and you make me giggle so much I may have peed a little….

    Congrats on Homeslice, well on GF too I guess since we just “met”.

    Question? Do you find True Blood Bill/Eric hotter in the books than on the show – my imagination is way better than the casting agents….

    Emmz’s last blog post: (Un)Christian . . .

  2. I found out recently that I’m going to be squooshing out a baby early next year. My husband claims that the only thing that freaks him out about being a dad is getting less sleep. That’s it…no sleep. I think it must mean he expects me to do everything else, which might or might not be why I don’t sleep through the night, already.

    chicken lips’s last blog post: inmates working

  3. it is too early for these kinds of 120+ word run-on stream-of-consciousness sentences!!!

    then again, it’s 8:30am and i’ve been awake for 4 hours. time for lunch!

    on a side note, i wonder what a vampire would do with a fresh placenta? are stem cells like the bestest meal evARr???

  4. Even with mud all over her, Girlfriend still looks adorable.

    I take it it’s not possible to tell Homeslice to maybe not cry that early in the morning? Doesn’t work does it?

    Marie’s last blog post: Sleepwalking

  5. This True Blood thing might actually make me turn on my tv that’s lain dormant for the last six months. And I’ll take Girlfriend. I’m not foreign, but I’m lazy.

  6. Oh Crissy, I’m so glad the lack of sleep hasn’t ruined your brain. You still have the best taste. I still adore Edward in an “I wish my husband were that romantic” kind of way, but I lust Eric in an “I would drink a skunk’s blood if it meant I could screw you for eternity” kind of way.
    I’ve read all of the books, and have seen all but the last show of season 1 (Don’t have HBO and had to buy the DVDs).
    AS a matter of fact, now that the daycare kids are asleep I think I’ll throw in my headphones and watch it on the laptop.
    P.S. I am very disappointed that you made a post that didn’t include a pic of Homeslice, just the beautiful Girlfriend. You’re playing favorites.

  7. First of all, this is the first time I have responded but I read your nastiness like it’s the holy book.
    Holy shit, True Blood is amazing. And I want what Bill gave to Sookie last night. Hell, I’m changing my name to Sookie and going to find someone to call me Sookie in that voice and maybe…just maybe..and then Eric.. Ohmylanta, he is a piece of heaven….
    I agree though, Edward is a chump next to beautiful Eric.
    Girlfriend is so darn cute! Mud face and all.

  8. I have one two year old and I have closed up shop just for that reason. Unless we get into the liquor cabinet AGAIN and the tequila makes me stupid and then it’s hot and then…

    I will avoid the margaritas and keep reading this post of yours to avoid any accidents. Good luck and may the force be with you.

    Finally Sleeping in Los Angeles

  9. Perhaps your “help” could combine tasks and just, you know, hose off Girlfriend when s/he waters the lawn. Or, ya know, bathe Girlfriend as a precursor to cleaning the tub.

    Glad to see you on the Interwebz, QOFE. I’ve missed you (but know you are busy with Girlfriend and the schedule-wrecker Homeslice (*giggle))

    I don’t know anything about the vampires…No TV… !

    Glad to hear things are going well (other than sleep deprivation and all).

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Sunday Coffeehouse Post

  10. I’m also hoping Girlfriend is muddy. She’s still adorable! My first son slept 2 hours at a time for the first 8 months and not much longer after that. Why the hell we had the 2nd is beyond me. But No 2 was a much better sleeper. Hopefully Homeslice will be too!

  11. I love, love, love that show!!!!!!!! I have to run away from home to go watch it at my mothers. so that I can give bill & Eric what the hell all the hot men my full attention. I love dumb so I have to say sookies brother is all for me. but Eric is hot!!!

  12. yes, mud is on GF. she was playing with a hose, watering the lawn while i worked on my car, then i heard a little squeal and it got quiet. when i looked up, that’s what i saw, and i couldn’t help but giggle a little. this made her embarrassed, until i told her that we ALL did that with a hose at some point or another.

    what’s childhood if you can’t get filthy muddy once in a while?

    at the risk of jinxing ourselves, i have to say that HS is a very VERY good sleeper: put 4oz of boob juice in her tummy and she’s out for 3-4 hours. that’s a beautiful thing!

  13. I just saw the first episode of season 2 of True Blood and I don’t like what they are making Eric like. In the books I am Eric all the way. He is a lot older and more powerful than Mick, but Mick could go out in the day. I would definitely take Eric from the books though.

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