Last night at dinnertime Mister told Crissy he wanted her to check out this website called whythefuckdoyouhaveakid and let Crissy tell you that it raised her parenting self- esteem just a wee little bit because holy shit you guys.
At least Crissy isn’t like these fucking people.
Crissy sometimes feels like a failure as a mother because Girlfriend can and has used words like Motherfucker and stupid asshole perfectly in a sentence and that makes Crissy both proud and horrified at the same time. And Girlfriend learned how to spell b-a-n-a-n-a-s from Gwen Stephani because that’s her shit and sometimes she doesn’t get a bath in the morning but Crissy has never done any of the stuff she’s about to show you.
She waits for Girlfriend to go to bed because that’s what a Good Mother does.
But Crissy doesn’t know.
This is pretty sexy with the baby and crib and baby swing in the background and everything. From what Crissy knows about menfolk, they really like to know that a girl is fertile when they’re looking at a picture of her goodies.
Crissy particularly likes how she’s paying attention to detail by showing off her cesarean scar as proof of said fertility as if there was any doubt as to whether that kid in the background is hers or not.
Destiny’s Child: The Untold Story
Hmmm…looks like somebody vewy, vewy, naugh-tee has been going around blowing loads in all the BBWs.
I am Sheenah, Queen of the Finger Painted on Thong and I am looking for my Babydaddy(s). When I find him, I shall beat him with these sticks.
Crissy is soooo jealous that she and Mister didn’t go and have a half nekkid glamor shot done with Mister’s hand on Crissy’s ass.
Maybe next time…
Awww…look at the proud mommies! They looks so happy!
Crissy didn’t know that Olan Mills even offered a Pregnancy Pact package! If you buy two additional sheets of wallets, you get a Free Diaper Bag and a coupon for 10% off paternity testing!
And it is not lost on Crissy that whilst she and Mister were looking at this website, Girlfriend was not at the table eating her whole grain pasta fortified with calcium and fiber with olive oil and organic Parmesan cheese on it, nor was she drinking her organic skim milk.
She was in the bathroom off the kitchen painting Alice’s back with blue Spongebob toothpaste.
Alice likes to be fruity fresh.