Last night at dinnertime Mister told Crissy he wanted her to check out this website called whythefuckdoyouhaveakid and let Crissy tell you that it raised her parenting self- esteem just a wee little bit because holy shit you guys.
At least Crissy isn’t like these fucking people.
Crissy sometimes feels like a failure as a mother because Girlfriend can and has used words like Motherfucker and stupid asshole perfectly in a sentence and that makes Crissy both proud and horrified at the same time. And Girlfriend learned how to spell b-a-n-a-n-a-s from Gwen Stephani because that’s her shit and sometimes she doesn’t get a bath in the morning but Crissy has never done any of the stuff she’s about to show you.
She waits for Girlfriend to go to bed because that’s what a Good Mother does.
Apparently.
But Crissy doesn’t know.
This is pretty sexy with the baby and crib and baby swing in the background and everything. From what Crissy knows about menfolk, they really like to know that a girl is fertile when they’re looking at a picture of her goodies.
Crissy particularly likes how she’s paying attention to detail by showing off her cesarean scar as proof of said fertility as if there was any doubt as to whether that kid in the background is hers or not.
Destiny’s Child: The Untold Story
CLASSY.
Hmmm…looks like somebody vewy, vewy, naugh-tee has been going around blowing loads in all the BBWs.
I am Sheenah, Queen of the Finger Painted on Thong and I am looking for my Babydaddy(s). When I find him, I shall beat him with these sticks.
Crissy is soooo jealous that she and Mister didn’t go and have a half nekkid glamor shot done with Mister’s hand on Crissy’s ass.
Sigh.
Maybe next time…
Awww…look at the proud mommies! They looks so happy!
Crissy didn’t know that Olan Mills even offered a Pregnancy Pact package! If you buy two additional sheets of wallets, you get a Free Diaper Bag and a coupon for 10% off paternity testing!
Freakin’ Sweet!
So yeah.
Horrifying stuff.
And it is not lost on Crissy that whilst she and Mister were looking at this website, Girlfriend was not at the table eating her whole grain pasta fortified with calcium and fiber with olive oil and organic Parmesan cheese on it, nor was she drinking her organic skim milk.
She was in the bathroom off the kitchen painting Alice’s back with blue Spongebob toothpaste.
What?
Alice likes to be fruity fresh.
FIRST!!!!! muahahuhauhauhaua…
if you like those, check out this page too:
20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened
oooof. that’s all i have to say.
i might have more later.
it’s slightly last month, but we can’t forget:
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
wow im laughing so hard my stomach hurts
all 3 sites are fricking hilarious!
I saw that half-nekkid pregnant glamour shot on a site yesterday that said it was a yearbook photo. So like, they got knocked up in high school and some photographer agreed to shoot this picture?? Makes my senior portraits look totally lame. I mean, I had on all my clothes!
With all of these pictures, I just have so many questions. One day, if I meet ANY of these people, I’m just going to buy them a lot of drinks and start the interrogation.
See, I told you that you’re an awesome parent. Now those people are just crazies.
Marie’s last blog post: Ignorance: A Dangerous Weapon
That first picture is ridiculous…
I wonder if shes still single.
Matt’s last blog post: Will dried up gas work?
What’s wrong with painting Alice?
k8’s last blog post: Three Blocks Down
I love that website! I also check out stfuparents.tumblr.com regularly. These websites help to keep me in line.
Rachel M.’s last blog post: I have a confession
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I am utterly speechless
And is that one bitch from Destiny’s Child Remake got hairy pits?!?! Am I just seeing things?
THE FUCK?
deutlich’s last blog post: Bitch, I’m Talkin’ to You!
And that is why I should never, ever, be a parent.
Pimp- You have no reason not to be first every day…
Aznman- I know what you guys are doing at work all day today.
Daisee- Had I known that I could have had my senior portrait done with no shirt on and my boyfreind’s hand on my ass, that’s what I would have gone for too. Shit.
Marie- They make me look like the best mom on earth.
Matt- Are you volunteering to be the next babydaddy?
K8- Absolutely nothing.
Rachel M.- It totally makes me feel like an awesome mom!
Deutlich- That must be a shadow. NOBODY is THAT skanky! Right?
the problem child- Well, if you’re a problem child yourself, then no. Maybe you shouldn’t have kids.
crissy’s last blog post: Stuff that makes even Crissy clutch her pearls and gasp in horror.
Hahahahahahaha!
crissy’s last blog post: Stuff that makes even Crissy clutch her pearls and gasp in horror.
Hahahaha! Oh my gosh! Those are all completely horrifying!
Tova Darling’s last blog post: A brand new start
HOT. MESS.
Why doesn’t the internet come with a brain scrubber? On the realz.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post: Delicious Stuff
I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to put NSFW warnings all over posts like this. Because, I almost got in trooooouble with some of those pictures. So not right. Getting in trouble. And those pictures! hahaha.
Somehow I don’t think this is what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet. But I sure am glad that these sites exist, if not for laughs then for a shot of self assurance.
There was one on the site of two girls getting ready to go out and the baby crawling in the sink.
I think I lived that.
Used to live with a “teenage mom,” her kids now 12 and he’s probably more mature than she is. Worst part is that she’d always ask us to nominate her for “best single mom” in radio contests and stuff. SO YEAH…
Just Kelly’s last blog post: Kelly’s Mom Of The Year Yo!
well, kelly–she WAS the “best single mom…”
… it was just from the perspective of the frat boys who she “serviced!”
Damn I feel so good about myself after seeing all that shit. I am so normal it’s sad. Great sites Mister. Crissy I think Mister deserves a reward for bringing us such entertainment.
this makes me feel better about myself and i don’t even HAVE kids.
Alice’s last blog post: los que no saltan son hijos de puta!
The hell??
Anyone else throw up in their mouth? Just a little?
Akilah Sakai’s last blog post: What Do I Call "It" ???
I’m going to be an awesome mom!
Mermanda’s last blog post: Like father like son
What
the
fuck!
Those mums suck!
But you don’t Crissy.
You bake cakes. Pretty ones.
Thrice’s last blog post:
Okay….you totally distracted me this morning from my job duties…I HAD to look at the family portrait site…the other’s wouldn’t let me in…DAMN FILTERS.
I spent way too long laughing at the WALRUS picture. And the Winnie the Pooh picture? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
Seriously.
shelly’s last blog post: So much to say, but really, nothing to say…..
And we wonder why society is like it is. It did make me feel better about myself, but sad for those kids.
Oh my god, that ass is amazing. Off to the bathroom to take care of things now.
Chris’s last blog post: i’m glad some people fucking suck
I think one them is my neighbor.
Seriously.
Ream o Rama’s last blog post: They’re mine, I say, all mine….bwahahaha!
Pregnancy Pact Package… Oh the horror…
MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Writer’s Block Meme
Oh the giggles… they hurt.
I’m sure there’s a market for inspirational wall posters in there somewhere…
Just looking at this makes me feel like super mom!!!!! WTF is wrong with people!!!!
Ibm Black Toner Cartridge For Laserjet 4200 Printer…
Last night at dinnertime Mister told Crissy he wanted her to check out this website called whythefu [...]…