26
May

Crissy is Cake’s Bitch (AGAIN!)

So you guys remember how Crissy tries to make cakes for people’s birthdays and they come out looking pretty nice but then when she cuts into them she needs a chain saw?

You do?

Well it happened again with the strawberry with cream cheese frosting cake she tried to bake for Girlfriend’s birthday. Crissy followed everyone’s suggestions for what may have gone wrong with both the boxed version and the made from scratch version of Mister’s Easter Birthday Lemon Buttercream Culinary Abortion and she even had Mister help her, thinking that maybe Crissy’s cake mojo really is all shaquaed and maybe his is better but nothing doing Queefs.

It came out of the oven looking great and Crissy thought her cake problems were over but then she turned around for a second and when she looked back at the cake it was flat.

Totally.

Flat.

And Crissy looked at the cake and she looked back at the picture in the magazine and it looked nothing like it except that they were both pink.

What

the

fuck?

Are any of you Queefs A Person Who Is Good At Cake?  Could it be that Crissy should bake the cake on the regular Bake setting and not do the Convection thingy?  Maybe the Convection thingy is too fast for cake?

Crissy has no idea but she refuses to give up on this.  In Crissyland it is totally unacceptable that she cannot put a list of crap together, mix it around, heat it up, and have something edible come out.

DO YOU HEAR CRISSY, CAKE?

YOU WILL NOT WIN.

You will be Crissy’s bitch one day.

Mark Crissy’s words or read her lips or her blog or whatever.

Sigh.

Anyshittystupidflatpinkcake,  it was too late to make a new one and Crissy had already spent eleventy hundred thousand dollars on the ingredients for the thing and so she set to frosting and decorating because sometimes it’s all in the presentation:

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That’s right Queefs.  Those are iridescent sugar sparkles and candy stars and glitter icing.

And Crissy was rather pleased with the way it looked and she’s also excited that she doesn’t look pregnant in this picture and will just carry a cake around with her for the rest of her life because she saw the Taco Doctor yesterday and according to him Taco is never, never, never coming out and this makes Crissy suicidal:

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But the little kids seemed to like the cake and Girlfriend was sweet not to mention that it was dense as a motherfucker. She was just excited that it was pink and purple and had My Little Pony on it.

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Also, there’s a great shot of Auntie Cya’s left boob which is enough to make anyone forget their culinary foibles.

So other than the cake being a big disappointment, the whole party was really very nice and nobody in Crissy’s family pulled any real drama and so Crissy is very happy that Girlfriend had a wonderful birthday and a very nice Memorial Day weekend.

What did you Queefies do?

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posted by Crissy in Babymamadrama,Bow to Your Queen Bitches,Culinary Abortions,Whatcha Eatin'? and have Comments (31)
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