Know what Crissy hates you guys?
With the possible exception of vacation from hell stories which can be enormously entertaining, Crissy hates hearing about and being forced to look at pictures of Other People’s Vacations.
And people at work are particularly guilty of doing this.
As if Crissy wants to see and hear about how much fun you were having while she was stuck at work doing her job and yours for two weeks.
Crissy would rather stab her eyes out with a melon spoon from that cruise ship buffet than look at pictures of some people lined up likes pigs at the trough at a table full of bacon and pineapples and shit.
Crissy does not want to hear about the weather.
She does not want to hear about the beaches.
She does not want to see the cheap piece of jewelry you paid way too much for or the coconut you brought back with you or hear about the sketchy shellfish incident that kept you in your room praying for the sweet angel of death for a day and a half. Or maybe she does because an exploding colon is a hell of a lot more interesting than that story about how you forgot your sunglasses at home on the counter and so you had to buy new ones on the trip.
And what really confuses Crissy is how other people can seem so fascinated.
Really?
Who cares?
Crissy doesn’t get it.
And so the next time Crissy asks you how your vacation was, don’t really tell her. Just say it was nice and you relaxed or finally got laid by some dirty foreign hooker or whatever but don’t whip out the pictures because Crissy does not give a fuzzy rat’s ass about seeing you in a bikini that reveals your pubic stubble or one that makes your ass look even bigger than it is.
If that’s even possible.
Okay?
And come to think of it, with few exceptions, Crissy doesn’t want to see any of Other People’s Pictures and it is not lost on Crissy that Mister has a Photo Blog but his pictures are artsy and nice and not retarded and boring. It is also not lost on Crissy that she is always showing you Queefs pictures of her life and her kid and her stuff but the difference is that Crissy does not corner you at work and make you look.
You come on your own accord and Crissy thinks that’s just swell.
And don’t even get Crissy started on pictures of your grandkids because if they’re ugly, Crissy will totally tell you.
What you can show Crissy pictures of are your new house, because Crissy is nosy like that and she wants to see how nice or not nice your stuff is compared to hers, or you can show her pictures of your dog because Crissy loves dogs, and sometimes you can show her your cat because they can be nice and cute sometimes too.
Other than that, don’t show Crissy pictures of anything else unless you’re totally fucking hot and then you can show her pictures of you, but just you.
Not pictures of you and your drunken sunburned friends holding up umbrella drinks.
Are we clear?
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FIRST!
does this go for me too? am i to refrain from showing you pics of my vacation??
can i show you pics of my genitalia? how about pics of my genitalia with you in the frame too, but you never knew i took a picture?? those are fun.
I work with a lady who goes on 2 or 3 vacations a year and makes us look at about 200 pictures of landscapes! How boring is that?
Pimp- No. I don’t want to see pictures of your vacation either. And as for the genitalia, I’ve seen it enough times. I don’t need pictures. It’s forever burned into my memory just as its product will forever inhabit my uterus.
Tracy- Horrible! You should start bringing in pictures of your toilet and your sink and your closet and whatever random and boring things you can think of to show her. FIGHT BACK!
And this is why MsDarkstar will not ever start video blogging. Cuz it’s enough to have to read my blog without me being all talky about it.
MsDarkstar’s last blog post: 1026 Days
Did that “large bust” picture I posted yesterday count as a violation then? My bad.
stealthnerd’s last blog post: The Today Show Recap
I was about to say… if you dont want to see my uni-ab beach pictures well then thats your loss.
Matt’s last blog post: Today you get the bullets
I am forced to look at pictures of boobs all day long at work. I’m slowly becoming convinced that boobs are ugly.
k8’s last blog post: Communicating With the Worst of Them
Rest assured you will NEVER see a picture of me in a bathing suit. I agree, looking at other people’s vacation pictures is one of the most retarded things ever. Just between you, me and the interwebz, who showed you their pictures?
Lynne’s last blog post: I don’t want to talk about it
that woman is so hawt.
deutlich’s last blog post: Oh, Rihanna
Yeah but what if I happen to capture something awesomely weird and gross or fantastical on my camera like a unicorn running on the beach?
What? It could happen.
Marie’s last blog post: She Needs A Dress
Know what’s worse? Being forced to look your mother-in-law’s pictures of her civil war themed wedding to her new husband for the umpteenth time…
Cassidy’s last blog post: Madder Hulk get, stronger Hulk become!
civil war themed wedding?
Yes! They’re both civil war reenactors and living historians. There were dresses that look like curtains, an altar with cow skull on it, rusty looking fake guns, the whole bit!
Cassidy’s last blog post: Madder Hulk get, stronger Hulk become!
i had a comment, but it was erased after reading about the CIVIL WAR THEMED WEDDING. with cow skulls. see, this i DO want to see pictures of. cassidy, please share?
Alice’s last blog post: wedding the first
I think Taco better come sooner versus later because Crissy is cranky and she needs a drink.
SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Passings
MsDarkstar- Video blogging is totally different. You can do that. I’m not much for the readin’ anyhow.
stealthnerd- No. I’m talking about being cornered at work. Blogs are a whole nuther story.
Matt- It certainly is.
k8- They can be, but you know all the guys are going to want your job now, right?
Lynne- I’ve seen a picture of you in a swimsuit and I must say you’re yummy. It was the volunteers sharing all their recent trips.
Deutlich- She certainly thinks so!
Marie- I’ll look then, sure.
Cassidy- That’s even worse than the medieval theme weddings. Like, way worse.
Alice- Actually, I’d like to see them too.
Nilsa- You picked right up on the bitchyness, huh? And I tried so hard to hide it too.
TOUGH SHIT, Sista!! When you get here for the Graduation, I’m going to force you to look at my vacation photos. Oh, and baby photos of Son #1 til current. You think he’s hot, so you’ll LOVE IT…do you hear me?
And how in the HELL did you get my bikini picture? Huh? I TOLD you you could never bring that out. EVER…EVER.
Now Mister wont’ think I’m cute………now that he’s seen me almost naked.
When will you arrive?
Shelly’s last blog post: My Freak Flag
Shelly- I’ll be there tomorrow. Get the cake ready. I’ll need my strength for the picture extravaganza. Do you think your son could possibly pose for some new pictures for me to add to your collection? Very tasteful ones, of course.
crissy’s last blog post: No. Crissy does not want to see your vacation pictures.
Anyone notice there’s an ad for Mucus Plug Pictures? Now that’s a picture I really, really DO NOT want to see!
God.
Vacation-smation. I didn’t get to take one this year, I’m jealous and yup, don’t want to see pictures either. Unless you were in Chicago or San Diego, then I will just cry. On the spot.
Jealousy is a cold green bitch and well, me too.
Kelly’s last blog post: Cape Fear
Keep a stack of your own photos handy, and when somebody approaches pull out yours and start showing them off. Fight back.
JoeInVegas’s last blog post: Warm weather
Where did you find that picture of my ass?
Kiala’s last blog post: Rejection.
google ad:
Stop Your Dog Eating Poop
Natural Remedy to Stop Dogs From Eating Their Own Poop – Guaranteed!
I have plenty pictures of myself I could send.
Chris’s last blog post: this is probably the most serious i’ll ever get so just deal with it for one post dammit
And that’s what I call a Brazilian bikini…
Thrice’s last blog post: You abandoned me
..just because I pretend there’s no body wearing it.
Thrice’s last blog post: You abandoned me
*roger that ma’am.
*PorkStar’s last blog post: TMI Thursday: Puppy Love and other mammals.
Trust me, me video blogging would be more traumatizing than the bikini picture above. Best leave the booty videos and the vlogging to the beautiful people like you, Crissy. (I tease Mr.POSSLQ and tell him he knows he wants to watch your booty video again… but truthfully, I’m the one who wants to watch it again…)
MsDarkstar’s last blog post: 1026 Days
I’m sure my sister-in-law (Daisee) is going to kill me for linking these to you guys, but here:
Here’s one of the creepy altar:
http://mikelewis.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album08&id=altar03
Marching through a cemetary:
http://mikelewis.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album08&id=honorguard13
Bride and Groom:
http://mikelewis.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album08&id=ceremony28
Hope the links work. If the laughing fit kicks you into labor, I want a blog in my honor as thanks.
Cassidy’s last blog post: Madder Hulk get, stronger Hulk become!
hey, did wilfred brimley do the ceremony??
Cassidy- Whoa. Just whoa. And laughing does make contractions happen so thanks for that! Don’t get mad Daisee.
It does look like him, but Wilfred’s Diabeetus was acting up and he couldn’t make it.
Cassidy’s last blog post: Madder Hulk get, stronger Hulk become!
I hate anyone who goes on a vacation and has umbrella drinks on the beach….or even a pool….Fuck them all…unless it is me on vacay…which it won’t be unless I win the lotto or rob a bank or mug some rich dude etc
ms. bliss’s last blog post: Sometimes I feel like I could zoom ‘cross the sky….
I HATE other people’s pictures…unless it’s a blog friend. I always appreciate blog pictures
Maxie’s last blog post: 500
You’re so right about this… and you’d think that with digital shots nowadays, they could weed out all the crap. And they rarely do.
So, do ya like light fixtures and hotdogs?
http://gliks.blogspot.com/2009/05/wordless-wednesday-lows-and-highs.html
Didn’t think so…;)
Thanks for the laugh.
As sensors keep rolling out in their varied forms and under the power of varied service providers and system owners, there’s this ominous sense that someday soon, we may never be able to go offline again. ,