Know what Crissy hates you guys?
With the possible exception of vacation from hell stories which can be enormously entertaining, Crissy hates hearing about and being forced to look at pictures of Other People’s Vacations.
And people at work are particularly guilty of doing this.
As if Crissy wants to see and hear about how much fun you were having while she was stuck at work doing her job and yours for two weeks.
Crissy would rather stab her eyes out with a melon spoon from that cruise ship buffet than look at pictures of some people lined up likes pigs at the trough at a table full of bacon and pineapples and shit.
Crissy does not want to hear about the weather.
She does not want to hear about the beaches.
She does not want to see the cheap piece of jewelry you paid way too much for or the coconut you brought back with you or hear about the sketchy shellfish incident that kept you in your room praying for the sweet angel of death for a day and a half. Or maybe she does because an exploding colon is a hell of a lot more interesting than that story about how you forgot your sunglasses at home on the counter and so you had to buy new ones on the trip.
And what really confuses Crissy is how other people can seem so fascinated.
Crissy doesn’t get it.
And so the next time Crissy asks you how your vacation was, don’t really tell her. Just say it was nice and you relaxed or finally got laid by some dirty foreign hooker or whatever but don’t whip out the pictures because Crissy does not give a fuzzy rat’s ass about seeing you in a bikini that reveals your pubic stubble or one that makes your ass look even bigger than it is.
If that’s even possible.
And come to think of it, with few exceptions, Crissy doesn’t want to see any of Other People’s Pictures and it is not lost on Crissy that Mister has a Photo Blog but his pictures are artsy and nice and not retarded and boring. It is also not lost on Crissy that she is always showing you Queefs pictures of her life and her kid and her stuff but the difference is that Crissy does not corner you at work and make you look.
You come on your own accord and Crissy thinks that’s just swell.
And don’t even get Crissy started on pictures of your grandkids because if they’re ugly, Crissy will totally tell you.
What you can show Crissy pictures of are your new house, because Crissy is nosy like that and she wants to see how nice or not nice your stuff is compared to hers, or you can show her pictures of your dog because Crissy loves dogs, and sometimes you can show her your cat because they can be nice and cute sometimes too.
Other than that, don’t show Crissy pictures of anything else unless you’re totally fucking hot and then you can show her pictures of you, but just you.
Not pictures of you and your drunken sunburned friends holding up umbrella drinks.
Are we clear?
- Who Wears Short Shorts?
- Itty bitty titty committee
- Missing Something?
- All about the Tee-Vee and how I know nothing about it except it makes me go night-nights
- My kid is so much cuter than your vacation