What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Crissy is sorry Queefs.

She had a great picture to show you today but did Mister take it off his camera yet so she could use it?

Noooooooo.

And so she’s sort of screwed for a post which totally sucks because she’s not feeling very funny this morning and Girlfriend is talking to her incessantly and so she cannot process a single thought whether it be funny or not funny or coherent even.

She’s going to see the Taco Doctor again this morning and she already knows the office is double booked today and so she’s going to be there for a long, long time and she’ll have to miss a day of work so she can wait her turn because he’s GOING ON VACATION this week and if Crissy doesn’t have Taco tonight, she will have a stranger for a doctor to deliver him and this makes Crissy very upset and also Girlfriend’s birthday is less than a week away and Crissy doesn’t want to be in the hospital and she doesn’t want Taco and Girlfriend to have the same birthday and that Taco countdown thing is wrong and she has only 14 days left instead of 16 like it says and that pisses her off that it’s trying to cheat her and she’s just wandering around her house weeping and screaming on the inside and sometimes on the outside for Taco to come out rightfuckingnow.

So the plan is to grab the doctor by the nuts and tell him he’s delivering Taco today or he’s losing his testicles.

This seems like a solid plan to Crissy.

What could possibly go wrong?

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32 comments

  1. I strongly suspect that you aren’t the FIRST baby mama to grab the Dr. by the testicles and demand a delivery.

    Just sayin’

    It’ll be okay—it really will.

  2. My brother & I have the same birthday, and it’s not so bad. Actually, it’s kind of good because nobody ever forgot our birthday, being that we are freaks of 11-years-apart-same-birthday nature and thus fairly easy to remember. So, one less thing to worry about.

    Good luck!

  3. Good luck at the Taco Doctor today! He’ll need that vacation after you pull on his nuts 🙂

    And also? Jeannie made me think of this, but my mom and uncle have very similar birthdays – grandma apparently had a C-section and planned the second one (my mom) to be on a date similar to uncle’s date. See, Uncle is the 12th and mom is the 21st. They thought it would be easier to remember that way. Unfortunately it’s not and they’ve gotten birthday cards on the wrong dates their whole lives. So unless GF’s and Taco’s end up on inverse dates you should be good to go.

  4. I always think it’s weird when siblings have similar bdays… like, do the parents only have sex one time a year? I’m sure that’s not the case with you and Mister, but I always think it…

    Anyways, good luck dilating!

  5. Sounds like a plan to me! Just don’t allow him to induce your labor…if you’re like me, you will end up being in and out of labor for three days and cry bitch and scream for demerol and when you finally get it you end up so doped up you have a hard time pushing the babies out and finally deliver overdue twins via natural childbirth AND c-section thus ending up with a “double whammy”…

    …uh, I wouldn’t want a stranger to deliver Taco, either, but maybe you should wait; unless your water breaks on your OB’s feet (another interesting experience I will have to share one day…or maybe not…) during your visit, if you insist on having Taco early then you would end up having to be induced and aforementioned incident (minus the extra baby, of course) could very well happen…good times.

  6. When I was younger, water would make me want to pee. True story!

    You should make some water balloons and toss them at the sidewalk (or annoying neighbors). You never know – your water just may break! Also, everyone here will think happy dillation and placental thoughts for you.

    Uh, yeah … this plan sorta sucks balls, but I’ve only had one cup of caffeine so my creative juices aren’t exactly flowing very well. But, it’ll stop your inner screaming for half an hour.

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post: Pooch Beauty

  7. I say spicy food. Or a bag full of petocin (or however the hell that is spelled.)

    My favorite part of having a baby? Ok, baby. Second favorite? Eating in the hospital. You’re just starving from all the work of having that joy-bundle and you can finally eat without a kid sitting on your stomach, they bring you whatever you want…

    I’m jealous.

    Just Kelly’s last blog post: Let There Be Light!

  8. You don’t need the doctor. Don’t you still have the speculum? Isn’t there a plunger around the house? Geez, woman, I thought you were into the do it yourself stuff. So, do it yourself!

    Dingo’s last blog post: Leggo My Ego!

  9. What’s with doctors these days? Vacations? If you’re an OB you just shouldn’t get vacations unless you can time your patients so that no one is delivering for like a month. I don’t remember ever seeing Dr. Huxtable take off on vacation and leave some pregnant lady in the dust like that.

    Antelope’s last blog post: I am my own best friend

  10. By this point, you are well on your way to the taco doctor. And if all goes well, me thinks you’re being induced right this minute because the taco doctor would like you to let go of his balls.

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Favorites

  11. There are some positive sides to having the same birthday. My bro and I almost share a birthday and we always had our birthdays together so it was a lot less work for my mom. And you avoid what I witnessed this weekend – a kid throwing the tantrum of all tantrums because it was his brother’s birthday and not his and WHY CAN’T HE HAVE JUST ONE STINKING PRESENT?! So, yeah, you avoid that whole mess.

    Megkathleen’s last blog post: Camping is for losers

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