Mister was spending the night in Boston and so Crissy and Girlfriend had a little girl party consisting of watching Ella Enchanted and eating copious amounts of ice cream in mommy’s big bed and falling asleep around 8:30-ish.
And we didn’t bother brushing our teeth because we’re real bad ass like that.
It was rather glorious. Crissy knows you’re jealous and that’s okay.
And there Crissy was, fast asleep, when she heard music.
It was Civil War type marching music.
So she got out of her bed and looked and there was a group of about 10 children marching down the street playing Civil War era instruments at like 9:30 at night.
It was totally bizarre, and they marched all the way down the street and around the corner and you know what Queefs? They weren’t half bad but what the fucking fuck?
Were they practicing for Schmuckytown’s big Memorial Day Parade, perhaps?
And then Crissy could hear a man with a megaphone counting as the children got farther away.
Crissy would have thought it was a dream but the freaks in the idiot colony were all out in their driveways staring at the display as well and they were clearly as shocked as Crissy but the big difference is that Crissy wasn’t slack jawed and drooling on herself.
Okay, well maybe just a little bit, but she just woke up from a sugar coma.
Cut her a break.
It was weirder almost than the time Crissy saw a HOOKER walk right down her street! Crissy even took pictures because seriously? Crissy’s street is HER territory and she doesn’t want any two dollar ho’s thinking they can just come up and start doing buisness where they don’t belong.
And how about looking outside and seeing two deer just toodling down the street like it ain’t no big thang?
See those two tiny brown things against the fence in between the two houses? That’s them and they’re all just like, “Sup? You got any grass, yo?” because of course they walked to Crissy’s house from the ghetto.
How about the time when Crissy saw the owner of that tenement house dragging a dead Christmas tree down the street in the middle of a snowstorm?
And then there was the time when one of the dickmo tenants went out to shovel in his underpants and combat boots:
Crissy swears that house is a haven for wayward retards and random varieties of asshole.
Remember how the Crissy’s almost didn’t buy their house because of that tenement? Yeah. Doubt means DON’T Queefs.
Doubt means don’t.
And what about when she saw the midget dressed as a biker, a kid in a motorized wheelchair, and a Rastafarian in tie dye playing a guitar and singing Dock of the Bay walk past her house together last summer, but that was when Crissy was drinking and taking The Pills and so she just thought it was the wine and Klonopins that made her see things but now she’s not so sure.
Crissy is beginning to think that her street is some sort of conduit to Crazytown, if not Crazytown itself, and Crissy is wicked sorry this post is a little uninspired this morning but she’s feeling really worn out today and so since she knows that crazy lives everywhere what she’s going to do is ask the Queefs
What was the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen going down the street?
It will be interesting to see if the city Queefs or the not city Queefs come up with the most crazy.
And make it good, too.
The Queen wishes to be entertained today.
- As nasty as she wants to be
- Is there a guy playing guitar in the closet or is Crissy an asshole?
- The Queefs maybe win a prize?
- Schmuckytown Woods: The Place to See Weird Stuff
- Ghost Riders(s) -OR- I’m like 99% sure David and my dead grandmother have been driving around smoking pot in my car.