Is it really only Wednesday?
Crissy is not pleased.
Just like Crissy was not pleased the other day when she got home to find that somebody had forgotten to lock up the kitchen trash can and Crissy came home to a hot mess very much like this one:
And Alice also likes to help mommy clean the kitty box and so under the dining room table she had saved a few little nuggets of joy for later because when eating kitty box chewies you must always do it in the dining room on Crissy’s great grandmother’s custom made antique rug and you must always leave some behind because it’s not polite to finish everything on your plate. Or rug, as the case may be.
Everybody knows that.
But that’s not all there was Queefies!
Oh, no no.
We’re just getting started!
There was also the compost bin that she dragged out from the trash cabinet, chewed off the lid, and spread corn silk and banana peel and coffee grinds and egg shells all over the place.
But these things that Alice did were not so bad because Big Pussy had an even better surprise for your poor, tired, belly heavy Crissy to come home to after a long day at work.
You see, Crissy is starting to think that that cabinet must be a gateway to Satan’s fire-y asshole because inside of it there is evidence that the Crissys have a mouse and this evidence is mostly in the form of, anyone? anyone? mouse shit. And when Crissy discovered that she wrote on her message board to “KILL THE RAT!!!” nice and big so Mister would see it and, you know, kill it.
Well, Big Pussy can read, apparently, because that’s just what he did.
He killed it.
He killed it good, you guys.
Crissy doesn’t like to think that the mouse got hurt but it’s better that Big Pussy did it instead of Mister doing it because at least when Big Pussy does it, it’s nature’s way.
And he ate half of it which of course he barfed up in a bloody and furry mass on great grandma’s rug right next to the kitty box chewies, the corn silk, the banana peels, the coffee grinds, and the egg shells.
“But Crissy, what happened to the other half of the mouse?”
Well Queefs, evidently he’s trying to get ready for bikini season just like everyone else and so in addition to being bulimic, he also practices portion control and so he left the mouse’s lower half right with the rest of the mess. There were these little legs and a tail sticking up out of the pile of disgusting.
And do you know what Crissy did?
She picked up her keys and her purse and her Girlfriend and turned around and left the house because really?
And she briefly considered burning the house down because that seemed easier than cleaning up the mess(es) but she was too tired to look for the kerosene (just out of curiosity, is that the best thing to use? Crissy has no idea because believe it or not, arson is one thing she’s never done. Give her time.) so she went to Target instead because that’s what Crissy does when she’s upset.