Bad, bad naughty Queefs!
Crissy asked you to think about her cervix all weekend and you didn’t. And you know how Crissy knows that?
Because Taco is still hanging in there and at this very moment is kicking Crissy in the heart, if that’s even possible but that’s what it feels like.
Crissy is fairly certain she is going to explode. Crissy is a relatively smallish person and there is no more room for Taco.
GET OUT, TACO!
BUT some of you at least thought about Crissy’s cervix to help a little bit because the Taco Doctor said things are happening and Taco is in position and that Crissy has about a week left to go.
Let’s hope he’s right.
Anycervix, Mother’s Day was pretty wonderful as it did not really involve any of the crying and fighting and terribly hurt feelings it usually does and that is because Crissy has given up on the romantic idea that Mister will think about her and come up with something to give her on his own. Crissy didn’t even get a card from Mister or from Girlfriend but that’s okay Queefies. It’s not the thought, or total lack of thought, that counts, it’s the the guilt of knowing he sucks at giving presents that Crissy has learned to leverage to her advantage.
It only took Crissy 13 years to learn that she can make Mister her bitch because Crissy’s head is not just a hat rack for adorable sun hats, you know.
Crissy is A Person Who Thinks.
Like, a lot.
So Crissy simply told Mister what he was going to get her for Mother’s Day and then she told him what he would spend the day doing and so he did.
He took Crissy to Home Depot and bought her a blueberry bush and a blackberry bush and some mulch for the flower beds and vegetable garden and then he spent the day digging and planting and mulching like a good little Garden Bitch and it made Crissy very happy. Mister’s mother even came over to help plant the vegetable garden.
And… hmmm…let’s see. What else?
Taco’s room is done!
And wait a second!
What are THOSE?
Those are NEW WINDOWS bitch!
Crissy’s mom bought four new windows–two for Taco, two for Girlfriend.
The Crissys are just waiting for Crissy’s dad to finish building and painting the dresser/changing table and they will be totally ready.
Poor Taco has the smallest room in the house and Crissy thinks even Harry Potter’s Closet Under the Stairs might have even been bigger but that’s okay. Taco will survive. The second kid always gets the shaft. Everyone knows that.
Look at how huge Girlfriend’s room is:
And Crissy spent 10 hours cutting and decoupaging (is that how you spell that? Who gives a shit?) tissue paper flowers on the wall for her and about drove herself blind and insane by the end of it, but for Taco Crissy spent 10 minutes online and bought some stickers to put on the walls and she hasn’t even put those up yet.
Already getting the shaft in the bedroom department.
Thank Jesus Crissy is the oldest in her family. Crissy’s brother’s room was really more of a closet too.
Of course, Crissy’s brother is a psychopath but whatever. It can’t have anything to do with his growing up in a prison cell with the walls caving in on him.
That’s just silly!
So anyway, Mother’s Day was good.
How was yours, Queefies?
PS: dilation, dilation, dilation, dilation, just like that.