Cups of Love

Well tomorrow Crissy goes to the Taco Doctor to see if her cervix is doing anything interesting and if Crissy were a gamblin’ woman she’d bet that the answer will be “no” and she’ll cry a little bit inside because really?

Crissy is all set with the knocked up-ness.

A little dilation would give her hope that something is going to happen at some point and that no. Crissy will not be pregnant forever.

But she feels like she will be and she was just telling her friend Stoogie about how she really wants a drinkie and then she’d like to get thrown all over her bed and fucked eight ways to Sunday.

Funny, the things you miss the most…hangovers and a sore crotchal area.

Sigh.

Good times.

You know what else Crissy misses the most?

Being able to do things for herself.

Last night, Mister had to paint Crissy’s toes because she just couldn’t reach them comfortably because the damn belly is in the way and no matter what sort of strategery she employed, she just couldn’t get there for long enough with a steady hand to paint her toes in a manner that didn’t look like she had painted them with, well, her feet.

And you know what else?

Crissy hasn’t been able to shave her own noonie for the past two months and so Mister has been doing that for her too. She hasn’t even seen her noonie and she’s worried about it.

What if it’s different? What if Crissy’s pretty little noonie is all wrong now? That would be terrible.

So anyways, Crissy has heard that semen can help a cervix soften and dilate but it takes a lot of it and poor Mister really isn’t up for producing gallons of the stuff and so Crissy is asking the boy Queefs to help her out. She thought of going around her neighborhood with a collection cup but then she remembered that she lives in an idiot colony and she doesn’t want any idiot semen, just smart semen thanks, and so she’s asking all the boy Queefs who clearly are smart because they read Crissy’s blog to save a tree and let the cup be your dream catcher for a day.

You can email Crissy for an address to send it to.

Thank you in advance, boy Queefs.

Crissy knows you won’t let her down and she’s looking into getting some sort of receipt for you so you can put your donation on your taxes next year.

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28 comments

  1. Um. My husband is always looking for a place to make a deposit. I’ll bring it in. It’ll be in the fridge next to your lunchbox.

    Lynne’s last blog post: Queer

  2. Ben- You’d be doing the right thing!

    Lynne- I think you should put it next to the coffee creamer instead.

    Lost Artist- He’s too good to me, really. He also brought me ice cream last night.

    k8- Lots of people are totally into that!

    Marie- It’s true, you know.

    Matt- Yeah. I can’t believe I said that either. It’s just proof that a good time was had. AM I TYPING TOO LOUDLY FOR YOU MATT?

  3. I hear Tori Spelling’s husband, Dean WhatsHisName, also shaved her crotchal region during her pregnancy. Not that I’m calling you and Mister a copy cat. But, maybe if Mister isn’t doing a good job or if he gets bored of that responsibility, you can ask Mr. Tori Spelling to help you out.

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Trinket

  4. Nilsa- You mean Tori doesn’t have people for that? I always thought that the celebrities just had their Mexican gardners do it for them…No?

    Kelly- They really are stubborn and slllloooowwwww to move.

  5. I’d send some of my husband’s love juice to help the cervix softening party, but he’s super duper fertile. You would end up double pregnant or some shit. :)

    Hang in there! You’ll be drinkin’ and fuckin’ before you know it!

    Summer’s last blog post: Quarantine

  6. Pimp- Yeah, just as long as you made the cream yourself…god this is really going further into the gutter than I planned.

    saratogajean- I didn’t even think about that but you know I’m going to have to go get the hand mirror now to make sure!

    Alice- How about a picture of a pony or a unicorn? That would be nice.

    Rachel M.- That really was a cunty move! You poor kid!

    Joe- You’re too far away to ship it, so I guess you’ll have to make a delivery.

    crissy’s last blog post: Cups of Love

  7. Well, it seems as if Taco is going to take care of your longing for a sore crotchal region soon enough — or not soon enough since you are getting so impatient.

    Dingo’s last blog post: Disruptive

  8. Oh the things we do for our women!! I think just about any man would happly trim the hedges for his gal. Now painting nails shows real confidence in a man’s manliness, especially if he used a nice dainty color. Way to go Mr.

  9. Well, when my mister used to shave my noonie for me, he still ended up fucking me eight ways (okay, two ways: doggie and me-on-top) from Sunday! Made for very good fucky times! Didn’t help speed up my labor, though…I was induced at 42 weeks, with twins!

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