You know what Crissy is really good at Queefies?
I Spy.
Every night before locking Girlfriend in her cage sending Girlfriend off to Bedfordshire, the Crissys snuggle in Crissy and Mister’s big bed with the fluffy comforter and way, way too many pillows but that’s how Crissy likes it so Mister can just shut the fuck up about it and read a story and then look at one of Girlfriend’s I Spy books.
And you know what you guys?
Mister and Girlfriend suck.
And Crissy doesn’t want to solve the whole picture riddle herself because that’s not nice and it’s no fun for anyone but Crissy and so she just sits there as the thing they’re looking for is about flashing in neon and they still can’t see it! And so Crissy sits there biting her lip and convulsing under the strain of keeping quiet.
Finding stuff is obviously one of Crissy’s many, many natural and innate talents and it’s not limited to I Spy, you know. She’s also very good at finding lost shoes and big giant bottles of ketchup that are hiding rightfuckingthere on the refrigerator door where nobody can see them.
It’s pretty impressive if Crissy says so herself.
So for today, Crissy is going to play I Spy with her Queefies.
Here is a picture of Crissy’s kitchen junk drawer (Don’t judge. You all have one and you know it and Crissy knows it):
To enlarge the picture, click on it, then after it loads you can click on the four-arrow icon in the bottom right to zoom to 100%.
In this picture there are:
7 dicks
A pair of BOOBIES!!!
A fortune telling fish
A Weeble
A maple leaf
Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia seeds!
BACK DOOR
Big Pussy’s rabies tag
Fighting Frog
RAM
Hemostats
Woefully underused in the last nine months bottle stopper
Crazy glue
The Queef to find all of the goodies in Crissy’s drawer gets absolutely nothing. But if you insist on some sort of reward, you can treat yourself to a nice rub out in the bathroom at work.
Crissy won’t tell.
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What if you find everything without clicking to enlarge it…what. then?!
Apparently being home with The Bronchitis (in May? in FL? WTF?!) has improved my vision.
I especially liked the blue one!
I found it all. I’ll rub one out later.
Also, where I’m from we call “hemostats”, roach clips.
Matt’s last blog post: They still call me whiteboy to this very day
Did you use your I Spy Super Powers to find the Sauerkraut, flarp, or missing spoon that GF took off with?
I’m not sure what the fortune telling fish would look like but I think it’s the yellow thing. I had to enlarge to find the 7th dick, but other than that I found them all pretty fast. And now, I’m off to the bathroom.
Lost Artist’s last blog post: Happy Cinco de Hi-yo!!!!
Can you please your I Spying magical powers to find this earring I lost? I promise to cook you dinner!
Marie’s last blog post: She Flew the Coop
You’ve got a lot of dicks in your drawer.
Rachel- Are you so competitive that even whilst dying of the bronchitis you have find all the stuff first? Yes. Yes you are. And the blue one has a light up tip!!!
Matt- “roach clip?” What is this thing you call “roach clip?”
Heather- The flarp and the spoon have been located. Sauerkraut is still MIA.
Lost Artist- I think I made it too easy. Watch out for carpal tunnel!
Marie- I am totally brilliant at finding earrings! No need for the dinner. I do it for fun and excitement!
Kelly Belly- You can never be too prepared!
Why isn’t my Flashing in neon flashing? It flashed at home!!! Is it flashing for you guys? WTF?
crissy’s last blog post: I Spy
The “I Spy” I’m not so good at but you give me one of those magic eye books and I can see every damn dolphin, unicorn and castle in it!
Cal’s last blog post: Dirty Laundry
I don’t have a junk drawer. I throw everything out.
It took a minute to find the 7th dick, as I am not used to looking for dick. I have to ask, what happens when you push the green level on the bear’s back. I have a reindeer that when you push its head down a jelly bean comes out his back side. I wonder if that would work on a female clown? Maybe Pimp or Stoogie knows the answer???
Just one pair of boobs? I’m disappointed.
Chris’s last blog post: picking the best part
that first line about 7 dicks made me snort
loudly
which i’m sure my cubecicles @ work loved.
deutlich’s last blog post: This Too Shall Pass
Crissy, this sexy ass Crissy-fied ‘I Spy’ post should go in some sort of Blogging Hall of Fame or something. Smithsonian anyone?
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Cal- I can’t see those magic eye things for shit.
Lynne- Liar.
John- It vibrates. Way better than pooping.
Chris- Sorry sweetie. You know how I hate to disappoint you. How about some ass next?
Deutlich- What would have happened if I had put 10 dicks in there?
Akilah- Maybe I’ll try doing another one. Maybe in my panty drawer. There’s lots of weird shit in there.
crissy’s last blog post: I Spy
I really didn’t mean to be competitive or first…but it was a nice distraction from hacking up lung chewies since 5am!
Sweet Jesus, woman.
Yes, we all have junk drawers, but yours could be registered as a sex shop.
In the kitchen?
I would understand if this was under the bathroom sink.
Dolce’s last blog post: I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried: Advice I could have lived without
At first I thought “7 dicks? Not even Crissy has *7* dicks on her junk drawer!”
And then I laughed. Because you do. I love you!
saratogajean’s last blog post: Confession
So much of that looks like anal pleasure devices. Especially the bunny.
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Rach- I’m only teasing you, you dumb bitch. Lung chewies are my favorite! Save some for me!
Dolce- I took out the condom wrapped like a lollipop and the roach. I thought they would be too much.
saratogajean- 7 dicks and a set of boobs. Don’t forget the boobs.
Melissa- That’s what Girlfriend uses to dip her Easter eggs in the dye so she doesn’t stain her fingers. It doesn’t work for shit.
crissy’s last blog post: I Spy
Wow, I’ve heard the “Dick in a Box” song, but I think “7 dicks in a drawer” is even more impressive.
Sadly, there is no privacy in the restroom at work. Sigh.
MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Why is a straight answer so difficult?
*sniffle*
The Bronchitis makes me sensitive.
I’m as bad at this game as your Pimp. But I rubbed one out anyway.
Also, seven dicks to one set of boobs sounds like a movie I saw recently. It was very good.
The neon flashes for me. But I see a lot of things flashing when others do not.
stoogepie’s last blog post: StoogeNotes: Nabokov’s Lolita
Apparently, I’m good at finding things too. Must be a mom thing!
Summer’s last blog post: And For My Next Trick…
You didn’t even list my favorite thing! the fake blood.
Maxie’s last blog post: Would You Rather Wednesday
the funniest part of the story is that i rubbed one out IN THE DRAWER before i took the picture…
WHERE’S WALDO?!?!
how the hell did you get that text to flash?!?!
I can DO that at work??!
Ben’s last blog post: What Jesus would do to impress people today
I’m also really good at finding things. I see way more than 7 dicks. What does that say about me?y
Is it bad that I found all the dicks before I found anything else?
And that seems to be the story of my life, by the way…FML…