Crissy has been meaning to mention this for a while now but she keeps forgetting and so don’t anyone think she’s been living in her basement watching QVC and eating cheetos oblivious to the fashion trends of late because she’s not.
Crissy has her finger on the very pulse, nay, the very ball sack of the fashion world as any good Queen would and she knows all about what’s hot and new and the new hotness.
Crissy shops at Target, you know.
So show of hands, Queefies:
How many of us were in Jr. High or High School during the 80’s? Crissy has to ask that because she knows that many of you were born in the 90’s!!!! Your parents weren’t even married yet, and Crissy was rocking out to “blister in the sun” (would you believe Mister doesn’t know the words to that song? Freak.) and spraying her hair with Sun-in.
Let Crissy tell you babies that the 80’s were not the world’s greatest fashion moment. Everyone who remembers them knows that, and so why oh why are they sooooo back?
It’s because you kids like your “retro” nonsense.
If you ask Crissy, the only good thing about the giant sweaters with enormous buttons was that the buttons were easy for arthritics and preschoolers to button themselves.
Other than that?
They’re just silly.
And why with the leggings?
Crissy knows some of us worship the leggings, but really?
Most people shouldn’t be wearing them, but they are and it hurts Crissy’s eyes.
And Crissy could go on and on but you guys already know what she’s talking about so she won’t bore you with a list of what fabulous 80’s thing is all the rage.
The point Crissy is trying to make is what’s next Queefs?
OH THE HORROR!!!
Are they back already and Crissy just hasn’t noticed them yet?
And what about the big giant hair with all the Aqua Net?
And the banana clips.
Crissy didn’t have the big hair, but she had one of those bad boys in every color, naturally.
Crissy just couldn’t get her hair to do the big poofy thing in the front no matter how she curled and sprayed and sprayed and curled and it made her feel like less of a person and so she compensated for her poof inadequacies by wearing a couple of extra pairs of socks with her pastel green Reebok high tops.
It was totally bitchin’.
But you know what she saw on the Tee-Vee the other day that would have done the trick for Crissy’s hair?
It was this.
Before you click that link, just know it has SOUND so turn your speakers off at work so you don’t get fired and have to stop reading Crissy’s blog because at your new job they don’t have Internets working at McDonald’s drive-thru.
Here’s a picture for you pain in the arse non-clickers:
Flat hair, Queefs?
Well, BUMP IT UP!
And they say you can even wear them on the Upper East Side OR The Red Carpet!
Howfuckingawesome is the bumpit?
Too awesome for Crissy that’s for sure!
But you know what?
Crissy is going to embrace it.
After the Taco comes out, Crissy is going to totally pimp her style and she’s going all in.
It’s going to be 1986 up in this bitch and you will all be even more jealous of Crissy than you are already.
If that’s even possible!