Girlfriend and the Special Purpose

So when Crissy went to pick Girlfriend up at school yesterday, the atmosphere was really weird and Girlfriend’s backpack was in a strange place and the school principal met her at the door and said in a very serious voice, “we need to talk. Come on in and sit down.”

Oh Jesus Christ, shit, and fuck.

And she took her sweet time finding the right words for what she wanted to say and it seemed like Crissy sat there for an hour before she finally spoke and Crissy was all “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN





And the principal said “Girlfriend was involved in an incident in the playground today.”

Apparently Queefs, and you’re gonna shit when Crissy tells you, Girlfriend was alone in the giant pirate ship play structure thing they have with some little dude and when the teachers found them, the little dude was naked and Girlfriend was pointing to his little weenis and laughing.


Crissy just laughed you guys because seriously?

And the principal seemed glad that Crissy wasn’t upset and let her go collect Girlfriend.  All the teachers Crissy saw on the way to get her wore very serious faces as if the kid stabbed Girlfriend with a play dough knife or something and Crissy just wanted to be like, “Will you people chill the fuck out? It’s just a penis!”

It’s not like Girlfriend doesn’t see Mister prancing around the house like the proudest pretty pony each and every single day.

God was Crissy relieved you guys.

Girlfriend had done nothing wrong, and don’t anyone say that pointing and laughing wasn’t the thing to do because any of you would have done the same, and it was only the first in a lifetime of dudes wanting to show her their Special Purpose whether she wants to see it or not.

And on the way out, Crissy saw the little dude’s mother, who clearly had no clue what had happened, on her way in to collect her little exhibitionist. Crissy felt sorry for her and she really wanted to pat her on the shoulder and be like, “It’s no big thing, sista” but Crissy is not familiar with protocol in this particular situation and so she kept quiet and just smiled extra big at her so she’d know Crissy was not offended by but rather amused by her son’s display.

And when Mister asked Girlfriend what happened at school, she told the story and said “I laughed and laughed at him and the teacher’s faces looked shocked just like mommy’s when I cut my hair! They made him take his nap alone in the library because that’s where the naughty kids go. Hahahahahahaha! He’s so silly!”

Poor little dude is probably scarred for life now, but at least Girlfriend has a kick ass story to tell at the sandbox.

“And there I was, minding my own business, about to go down the slide, when he took. it. out.”

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  1. I was talking about this story with Mr. POSSLQ and we think we know now where the Woodland Gays come from. Or at least where all those dudes who drive Hummers come from.

    When The Girl was in 3rd grade, a male classmate of hers… IN CLASS (he sat next to her). Someone else told on him. I got called in to school for the big ol’ serious discussion and I think that had the school not made such a big honkin’ deal out of it, The Girl wouldn’t have given it a second thought. As it was, they had the “Good Touch, Bad Touch” talk 2 years ahead of schedule.

    The young man in question left the school at the end of that year. The Girl informed me a couple weeks ago, though, that he now goes to the school she’s going to again… Wonder how many of her friends she’s told “oh him? ain’t no big thing”

    MsDarkstar’s last blog post: Sunday Stealing on a Wednesday

  2. The teachers were probably afraid you were one of the crazy moms who sues at the drop of a hat. They all went home and laughed their asses off.

    Poor boy, he’ll never be the same.

    Twila’s last blog post: Nosey Neighbor

  3. Hey Pimp- When do you think is the appropriate age to stop flashing your junk at girlfriend? Better set up a savings account to pay for her therapy.

  4. See, Pimp is setting Girlfriend up for disappointment. Boys her age just don’t have what Pimp has between their legs. She’ll probably just laugh at all that she sees for several more years to come!

    And? She might encourage a few of those boys into becoming a Woodland Gay – they got laughed at by a girl, so now they only show it to a boy 🙂

  5. Jac- Wouldn’t you?

    Ben- I know. The poor little guy.

    Matt- Yes it is.

    Lynne- I knew you’d post that.

    Smelly- How funny! My husband does the same thing!

    Saratogajean- Absolutely! Hang out with your wang out is my motto.

    Nilsa- I know. I just want to give the little dude a hug and tell him it’s okay. It’ll get bigger some day.

    MsDarkstar- OMG! I know! He’s going to have a total complex now!

    Twila- Maybe the serious faces they were giving me were really faces trying not to laugh?

    Dingo- Hahahahahahaaha! Booty. That was awesome.

    Deutlich- It’s totally worth the pain in the ass for moments like this.

    Tess- We’ve already started one. He’s been putting it away because she points and laughs at his too.

    Daisee- She totally thinks they’re funny. She’s always laughing at her daddy.

    k8- They’re really silly looking, aren’t they?

  6. Watch the news in about 15 years. You will see the cops walking this kid out after he brutally butchers a prostitute.

    “She LAUGHED at it! The stupid bitch pointed and laughed at it!”

    The country will wonder what happened to this man to make him such a horrible killer. You and Girlfriend will just sip your margaritas and say “Well it was funny looking…..”

    Rachel M.’s last blog post: Foods that I would be willing to go to war for

  7. “The human body can remain nude and uncovered and preserve intact its splendor and its beauty… Nakedness as such is not to be equated with physical shamelessness… Immodesty is present only when nakedness plays a negative role with regard to the value of the person…The human body is not in itself shameful… Shamelessness (just like shame and modesty) is a function of the interior of a person.”

    Pope John Paul II

  8. Arch and I were out the other day with grown ups and one used the word vagina, then covered her mouth and looked over at Arch. I was a bit stunned that we live in a world where kids aren’t supposed to know the names of body parts. Or that parents would cover their kids’ ears if the correct word for a body part was used.

    I said, “he knows the word vagina, knows what they are, but he usually calls them beantrucks.”

    The beantruck thing is true. I don’t know what it means, but there you are. I say vagina, he says beantruck.

    Melissa Lion’s last blog post: Thank God For the Internet, and For Twitter

  9. WTF???? Pimp is quoting the Pope????

    Crissy…you have made my day and Girlfriend is my hero!! I think you should buy the penis coffee cup for all the teachers at school for Teacher Appreciation Week!

  10. Girlfriend is awesome. Really. I’d love to spend a day with her. I think she and I would have a lot to talk about! Bwahahahaha!

  11. Do you know what this means?!?

    It means Girlfriend is the most popular girl in school!!! I definitely remember that it was only the most popular, pretty girls who got flashed on the playground. I was so jealous. Girlfriend’s popularity is by far, the biggest victory here.

    Lost Artist’s last blog post: All kinds of Tuesday-drunk

  12. I kind of wonder, did this kid at one point ask girlfriend “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.” No wonder she pointed and laughed. He must be a shower not a grower.

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