For This is the Day The Lord Has Made, Let Us Rejoice and Be Glad

Do you know what today is Queefs?

It’s a day Crissy has been waiting for for a very, very long time.

This very morning Mister is putting the final coat of polyurethane on the hallway floor and in Taco’s room. The last coat has been drying since Saturday morning and it’s finally dry enough for a second coat.

Hallefuckingluja Queefs.

And that means that the plaster/wood dust/paint nightmare that the Crissys have been living in for months now is almost over. There will still be hardships to endure as the Crissys will have to sleep in the Red Carpet Lounge, aka Porn Basement on the pull out sofa tonight and bathe in the laundry sink but that is just fine with Crissy.

And Crissy told Girlfriend and Alice that it’s camping so it’s fine with them too.  Those two are  always up for an adventure.

Mister has worked his balls off every night and weekend to get this done and finally the Crissys can be a family again instead of disaster refugees and Crissy will post before and after pictures for you Queefs once the whole thing is done.

It will be glorious.


But that’s not what Crissy wanted to talk about today because last night Crissy was watching Deadliest Catch with Mister and it’s one of their favorite shows because the Crissys are seafaring peoples and Crissy has spent many a summer clinging to the mast of her in-law’s sailboat praying to Jesus to save her sunning herself on the deck of her in-law’s boat called the Afterglow (is that not the best boat name ever?):



But it’s been totaled after an unfortunate incident and they don’t have it anymore and Crissy misses screaming and begging the boat not to flip over the sun and sea and hopes they replace it soon.

So clearly, Crissy knows everything about boating now from spending so many summers on the Afterglow and so naturally she knows all about what it’s like being a fisherman on the Bering sea in the freezing cold and that’s why she loves the show but you know what else?

That Mike Rowe is fucking hot.

Crissy could listen to him narrate paint drying and be moist in her panties area for days.

And don’t get Crissy started on Dirtiest Jobs because not only is Mike’s voice hot, Mike is hot too.

Even when he’s covered in pig vomit, Crissy would still lick him from stem to stern (do you see what Crissy did there, Queefs? Stern is a boat word! Crissy is wicked smot).

And he can do a dirty job on Crissy anytime.

And you know what else you guys?

He’s smart.

How many dudes do you know who can be elbow deep in a cow’s hey-nanny-nanny and ponder Descartes at the same time?

Not many, and that also makes Crissy’s panties fall off in a big way.

And so this post is dedicated to Mister who is both smart and sexy and is Good With Tools (of every kind, in every capacity, wink, wink) and who has finally made it to the end of his own personal hell, and to Mike Rowe who Crissy would very much like to fuck.

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  1. I am totally with you about Mike Rowe. Dirtiest Jobs is a favorite in our house (so is Deadliest Catch by the way). I was pleasantly surprised the first time I saw him without a shirt, and his ass is pretty nice too. I told my son that he’s the one guy I’d divorce his Dad for. Did you know that he was also a QVC host at one time? You can see his segments on You Tube.

  2. You MUST go to the store. Right now. Run. Speed. Fast. Because Mike Rowe is on the cover of Outdoor magazine. Or maybe it’s Outside magazine? Or even Outhouse? But, anyway, they’re all in the same section. And then you can have Mister plaster Mike Rowe’s hotness in Taco’s room. Or even better, under a layer of polyurethane on your floor!

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Sunday

  3. I’m sorry but Mike Rowe is mine. Didn’t I firts tell you about him and show you all the great pictures of him online? You can have Brad Pitt, I want Mike! yummie!

  4. Tracy- I don’t know that I’d divorce my husband for him, but I would absolutely have a very dirty affair.

    Leah- Bring it.

    Daisee- Yes, because then you can clean them. And that picture? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! We’re serving pickles, hot dogs, and salami.

    Zan- *Swoon.*

    Nilsa- I’m at work right now! I think we get that magazine! You don’t think they’d mind if I return it in slightly moist condition do you?

    MsDarkstar- It’s worth getting a TV just to ponder Mr. Rowe.

    Jenn- I’m coming up to Reference to kick your ass. Get ready.

  5. Afterglow is nice and makes me think of tanning and everything, but I prefer my parents’ boat – Aquaholics. It’s funny ’cause it’s true. If we don’t take many passengers we can fit like 10 coolers on it.

    Did you see the Dirty Jobs where Mike sang some crazy Eye-talian opera song while sorting candy on a factory assembly line? The hairnetted old lady sorting across from him did not sufficiently recognize his splendor, but I did. That was the day Mike and I fell in lurve.

    jeannie’s last blog post: Quote of the Day

  6. I have to tell you, I was reading your blog the other day and you started talking about Dooce. I must live under a rock because I had never heard of her. So I went and checked her out for a week and well…you’re right. Your blog is better, period.

    Witty’s last blog post: I am not going to chase you…

  7. Kylie- Thank you!

    jeannie- Aquaholics. That’s pretty good too. We’ve fit absolutely obscene amounts of booze on that boat. OBSCENE. Once, we had so many people on it for 4th of July that it was only a foot out of the water. We had to give the launch driver some beer for coming out to us so many times.

    k8- He’s always dirty and sweaty. Come on over!

    Rachel M.- Is there anyone who can beat than this man? I think not.

    crissy’s last blog post: For This is the Day The Lord Has Made, Let Us Rejoice and Be Glad

  8. Oh no! Something happened to the Afterglow?!. I’m sad now… But happy that the big projest is almost done. Then you can properly begin nesting…..

  9. Kendra- Yeah. A hatch was open, there was a storm, sinky-sinky Afterglow. But don’t worry! They’re shopping for a new one. The halcion days are not over!

    Shelly- I’m sorry! I missed it the first time! If Mike Rowe says I need a FORD, I’m getting one.

    Lost Artist- We took on a reasonable amount of work, but on a very tight deadline. Mister’s just making it by the hair on his balls.

    crissy’s last blog post: For This is the Day The Lord Has Made, Let Us Rejoice and Be Glad

  10. I have never seen any of those shows and I have a TV so there is no excuse except that Mr. Rowe doesn’t do anything for me. It is a great name for someone narrating a fishing show, though.

    Your pimp, now that’s another story. He’s a hottie.

    Oh, and I did get your subtle reference above to Descartes’s elbow-deep-in-a-cow-vagina example in his letter to Clerselier. Very clever indeed.

    stoogepie’s last blog post: A Crissy and stoogepie Fairytale

  11. I disagree with Matt. Ken, Please put pictures of Chris in his boxer shorts (or au naturale even) on this site. In fact, all of the men who read Crissy should pose nude or nearly nude for us. Most of us ladies may be married, but we’re not dead.

  12. Mike Rowe used to be a host on QVC. As far as the snide comments about being “born again”….well, you all are just too cool.

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