I’d rather have my twidget violated, thanks.

Crissy loved all your hair stories yesterday! Sadly, Miss Stephanie doesn’t have an opening until Thursday at 4:00 so we have to wait until then to bring Girlfriend in. Crissy will post some before and after pictures of little Charo for you on Friday.

So, anyways, we have a short post for you today because Crissy for some totally fucked up insane douche reason made an 8:45 dentist appointment for this morning, and she always does that to herself and she’d like to go back in time six months and punch herself in the face for doing it, but her DeLorean is being fixed and so time traveling is right out for today and so she can’t go punch herself in the face and that means she doesn’t have time to write a marvelous piece of genius writing like she always does and so she’s going to leave you with a brief anecdote regarding the dentist and her loathing of going there.

Crissy hates the dentist. She loves her Dr. Ganim because she’s been going to him since she was 3 and he cannot tell Crissy how much he loves to see that little three year old Crissy bring in her little three year old Girlfriend to see him, but she hates having her face touched by anyone, for any reason, and so having someone’s hands in her mouth is just like, forget it.

She’d rather have someone’s hand up her twidget to tell you the truth but that’s not until Friday!

Crissy’s at the stage of Taconess that she gets to be violated weekly to see what her cervix is up to.


Good times.

But you know what Queefs? At least Crissy’s twidge is getting some kind of action because these days, the only one having any fun in Crissy’s bed is Sookie Stackhouse and even Sookie is getting less and less of it now.

But anyway, Crissy had one tiny cavity once from her graduate school days when she just drank coffee with plenty of sugar in it and smoked cigarettes and beamed around on amphetamines, and alternately, Klonopins all the time and could barely remember to pee never mind brush her teeth three times a day and Dr. Ganim was trying to fill it with some white ceramic-ish substance and when he ever started shooting Crissy up with the numby stuff she freaked out a little bit.

Those needles are BIG you guys.

And when Dr. Ganim was done he said to Crissy, “I have good news, and I have very bad news. The good news is that you’re done for the day. The bad news is that when you decide to have babies,  childbirth is much, much worse than this.”

And you know what Queefs?

It’s not.

Crissy would much rather pop a Taco out than have her mouth touched.

So yeah.

Fun morning.

So the plan is that when Crissy is out of the dentist she’s going to eat handfuls of chocolates just to spite him.


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  1. I loath the dentist. Having moved so much, I have to always find someone new. The one that I had in NJ it turns out was a bad one. I had 10 cavities filled in less than 4 years. Just before moving, he wanted to fill even more,but I was moving. I moved to DE saw the dentist here and he said, that I didn’t have any and was surprised at all that I had had done. OB/GYN is definitely better.

  2. I dislike the dentist and like Valerie apparently had a bad one for a while. My mom went in for a root canal. Half-way through, he was all “uh oh.” He told her she needed to see a specialist in a town 3 hours away (we were in a small town) because the problem was worse than he could handle. She drove to the other town only to find out the dentist had started the root canal on the WRONG TOOTH! She had to have dentist #2 finish the first root canal on the HEALTHY tooth and then wait a few hours and have the root canal done on the right tooth. She had five children without drugs, but I think she’d agree that the dentist is worse than childbirth.

    I almost felt sorry for dentists for a while – no one likes going to see them and their patients all hate them. But then I remember what that asshat did to my mom and the sympathy goes away.

  3. We are totally blogging buddies today with our dentist posts. Too funny! So, if you don’t like people touching your face, how the hell does your husband kiss you? Or does he not ever kiss you up there? Huh, nevermind, I don’t need an answer to that. hahahah.

    SoMi’s Nilsa’s last blog post: Dentist

  4. My dentist was amazing! She provided Ativan and oxycontin (to get my teeth filled!), a fully loaded iPod to listen to while in the chair, and she didn’t hurt one bit! She even let me use a mirror to watch her do my root canal but my bravado gave way as she actually started to work and I got woozy and lightheaded. I think that was when she did the bait and switch on the price for her services because I ended up paying $900 more than we had previously discussed.

    Dingo’s last blog post: Do Jellyfish Eat Oreos?

  5. Um…unless your dentist is a transgendered individual who spent her ‘man’ time in the military…….you can’t complain. Seriously, you can’t complain. That is quite a story for sometime when we meet and get drunk.

    My dentist is a handsome dude with a mysterious accent. But I haven’t been to him in eons because, like you, he scares me. In particular the sharp pokey tool they use REALLY scares me. To the point of not going to the Dentist.

    Shelly’s last blog post: Junkin’

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